The many ways to kill a Vampire!

[claws]

In Saxon regions of Germany, a lemon was placed in the mouth of suspected vampires.

My fave 

[chainsaw midget]

Beaten up by Jesus.



We all accept that crosses work on vampires, so this is just taking the next big step up.

[Paquita]

I have heard tale that if you spill poppy seeds, a vampire has to count them all.  I don't know why that would be.  Not that it would kill one either, but it could keep one busy forever with proper poppy seed spilling maintenance.  I haven't seen it in a movie yet, but I guess a vampire that can't stop counting poppy seeds would not be very scary.

[Alex]

With all the alleged weaknesses of vampires it would be amazing if any of them could survive at all.

[indianasmith]

With all the alleged weaknesses of vampires it would be amazing if any of them could survive at all.

What if NONE of them are real and the vampires propagate them by social media in order to fool people?

[Olivia Bauer]

There is this FANTASTIC parody of The Death and Return of Superman by Max Landis.

Watch the whole thing here:

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But allow me to take an excerpt from that video that I always took to heart.

"How do you kill a vampire?"

"Steak through the heart, garlic, sunlight."

"No. You kill a vampire however the f**k you want. Because vampires don't f**king exist. You can make up rules for any kind of thing you want."

And I'll tell ya there are some pretty stupid weaknesses people have made up for vampires. The biggest one for me is the rule that they can't enter your home unless you invite them.
Yeah, I can't say I'm as afraid of Dracula if he isn't even able to get into my house. There's also no real explanation for why. Guess it's just courtesy.

But an even funnier one people came up with is that if you spread rice everywhere, the vampire has no choice but to count every single piece of rice before going anywhere.

You put all that together and what do you get? A creature that dies in the sunlight, can be distracted for several hours by just dumping a bag of rice everywhere, can't cross running water, and can't even come in your house to kill you unless it asks first. Makes vampires sound like total pussies.

[Dr. Whom]

I have heard tale that if you spill poppy seeds, a vampire has to count them all.  I don't know why that would be.  Not that it would kill one either, but it could keep one busy forever with proper poppy seed spilling maintenance.  I haven't seen it in a movie yet, but I guess a vampire that can't stop counting poppy seeds would not be very scary.

If memory serves, this was used is Therapy for a Vampire (2014) in order to stop a vampire from pursuing a character.

[Ted C]

And I'll tell ya there are some pretty stupid weaknesses people have made up for vampires. The biggest one for me is the rule that they can't enter your home unless you invite them.
Yeah, I can't say I'm as afraid of Dracula if he isn't even able to get into my house. There's also no real explanation for why. Guess it's just courtesy.

It's not that terrible a weakness, since vampires typically have mind control powers that they can use to get an invitation.

But an even funnier one people came up with is that if you spread rice everywhere, the vampire has no choice but to count every single piece of rice before going anywhere.

Vampires have obsessive/compulsive disorder. Who knew?

[RCMerchant]

There is this FANTASTIC parody of The Death and Return of Superman by Max Landis.

Watch the whole thing here:

Error 404 (Not Found)!!1

But allow me to take an excerpt from that video that I always took to heart.

"How do you kill a vampire?"

"Steak through the heart, garlic, sunlight."

"No. You kill a vampire however the f**k you want. Because vampires don't f**king exist. You can make up rules for any kind of thing you want."

And I'll tell ya there are some pretty stupid weaknesses people have made up for vampires. The biggest one for me is the rule that they can't enter your home unless you invite them.
Yeah, I can't say I'm as afraid of Dracula if he isn't even able to get into my house. There's also no real explanation for why. Guess it's just courtesy.

But an even funnier one people came up with is that if you spread rice everywhere, the vampire has no choice but to count every single piece of rice before going anywhere.

You put all that together and what do you get? A creature that dies in the sunlight, can be distracted for several hours by just dumping a bag of rice everywhere, can't cross running water, and can't even come in your house to kill you unless it asks first. Makes vampires sound like total pussies.

If you shoot them with a gun, that won't kill them. Or just stab the guy in the head. No good. And even if you DO kill him, and he can come back to life, under various circumstances... so- eh! I wouldn't call them pussies!
And the counting rice and poppy seed s**t... I never seen a vampire movie where Dracula is counting s**t, so...
And some shmuck b***hing about how to kill Superman, who is even a more stupid fictional character than vampires makes anything that snarky a***ole says even more irrelevant.

Superman? That cocksucker can rot in hell for all I care! f**k Superman!


http://youtu.be/cvQcWQKPe5o

[chainsaw midget]

But an even funnier one people came up with is that if you spread rice everywhere, the vampire has no choice but to count every single piece of rice before going anywhere.

I saw one movie where the characters found out that (except I think it was seeds) so they threw a big bag full of them into the air. 

The vampire was able to count them all before they even hit the ground.

[Ted C]

But an even funnier one people came up with is that if you spread rice everywhere, the vampire has no choice but to count every single piece of rice before going anywhere.

I saw one movie where the characters found out that (except I think it was seeds) so they threw a big bag full of them into the air. 

The vampire was able to count them all before they even hit the ground.

That sounds familiar.

[RCMerchant]

But an even funnier one people came up with is that if you spread rice everywhere, the vampire has no choice but to count every single piece of rice before going anywhere.

I saw one movie where the characters found out that (except I think it was seeds) so they threw a big bag full of them into the air. 

The vampire was able to count them all before they even hit the ground.

That sounds familiar.

So he was a Vampire version of RAIN MAN?

[WingedSerpent]

Funny how this thread mentioned Superman, because vampires tend to be the pre-crisis Superman.  The super-powerful one who would get new one off powers just because the story needed it. Same with vampires it seems.   How many different powers have you seen vampires get in different media?  Flight, super speed, mind control, telekinesis, shape shift in animals, shape shift into monsters, shape shift into other people. immortality,  super strength, control or summon storms, etc.  Maybe that's why they get so many weaknesses as well.  To balance things out.

You never really see that with other movie monsters.  If someone made a film that gave the Frankenstein's monster X-Ray vision or the wolf man the ability to breath fire, I don't think people would be as willing to accept those.

[RCMerchant]

^ And if King Kong shot a laser beam out of a ring- yeah!
Dracula is like the Superman of Monsters, except he's cool!
Come to think of it, Green Lantern and Dracula both have that ring thing!

http://youtu.be/yzIl7Zz0dGY

[chainsaw midget]

Speaking of Superman... that's another way to kill a vampire. 

There was one comic where Dracula fought Superman.  Perhaps fought might be the wrong word though.  Since Superman is vulnerable to magic and the supernatural, Dracula was easily able to mesmerize him. 

Then Dracula tried to drink his blood.  Since Superman gets his powers from the sun, trying to drink his blood burnt Drac to a crisp.