Recent Viewings, Part 2

[M.10rda]

MYSTERY ON MONSTER ISLAND (1981):
Written and directed by infamous schlockmeister Juan Piquer Simon, co-written by BREAKFAST AT MANCHESTER MORGUE director Jorge Grau, and "starring" Peter Cushing (fresh off STAR WARS), Terrence Stamp (fresh off SUPERMANs 1 and 2), and Paul Naschy (fresh off, uhh, probably something where he played a wolfman).

Well, Naschy dies about five minutes into the movie (oh sorry, SPOILERS) and Cushing and Stamp are only in roughly the first and last 10 minutes. (Stamp does give a great intense performance, fwiw.) The 80 minutes in the middle is essentially a feature length episode of "Danger Island", the stupid-as-hell live-action pirate serial that would pad out episodes of "The Banana Splits", complete with an imbecilic pretty boy lead, a bumbling sidekick, and not one but two racist stereotypes for comic relief: first a lisping "Chinaman" and then a taciturn black guy in a loincloth named "Higbee" who they rescue from a whole tribe of cannibalistic natives. There are also a couple of dames who unfortunately wear a lot more clothing than Higbee. There are also hilariously fake-looking monsters....... which would make MOMI a hoot for MST3K-type purposes, except the monsters are eventually revealed to be fakes, which takes the edge of the comedic potential and just makes our petrified heroes look all the more lame and dumb. (Also, Higbee and the cannibals are a "company" of black actors from San Francisco who were hired to act like savages? Not sure if that ameliorates the problematic nature of this subplot.)

Simon likely never had a bigger budget than this. Some shots look genuinely good on my flatscreen TV and probably looked even better in a theater. That's about all I can praise in this leaden affair. I assume small children were the target audience, but there's still a little too much violence and bloodshed for the age range which would consider this film entertaining, and yet at the same time there's not nearly enough blood to satisfy fans of Piquer's PIECES or SLUGS. (...Certainly not me, anyway!) If I've taken steps to spoil almost every major element of MOMI, you may thank me for sparing you the hardship of enduring it! Should I add that while the film is rated PG, Piquer's low-angle camera manages to point up Higbee's loincloth a couple of times, providing more adult male anatomy than I ever remember seeing as a small child. Yeah, YOU'RE WELCOME!

[FatFreddysCat]

"The Blob" (1988)
High school students Matt Dillon (sporting an epic mullet) and Shawnee Smith (later of "Saw") battle a carnivorous hunk of space goo that drops into their small Colorado town on a meteor.
Some of the rear-projection special effects have aged terribly, but aside from that this action-packed update of the 50s classic, directed by Chuck Russell ("Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors") and scripted by Frank "The Shawshank Redemption" Darabont, ranks as one of the better remakes of the era.

[M.10rda]

"The Blob" (1988)
High school students Matt Dillon (sporting an epic mullet) and Shawnee Smith (later of "Saw") battle a carnivorous hunk of space goo that drops into their small Colorado town on a meteor.
Some of the rear-projection special effects have aged terribly, but aside from that this action-packed update of the 50s classic, directed by Chuck Russell ("Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors") and scripted by Frank "The Shawshank Redemption" Darabont, ranks as one of the better remakes of the era.

I liked it, too, 30+ years ago... except I found Donovan Leitch (son of 60s folk singer "Donovan") - who unfortunately is this movie's "Janet Leigh" - to be a lot more compelling than generic greaser-with-a-bad-perm Dillon. I also liked Donovan Leitch a lot more than Brad Pitt in CUTTING CLASS, so what do I know. (Leitch does have a much better developed character than Pitt's in CUTTING CLASS...) Shawnee Smith is awesome, though.  

[lester1/2jr]

It's Kevin Dillon, Mat Dillons brother in the Blob

[Jim H]

I just watched the director's cut of Nightbreed.  It's still disjointed and almost incoherent, just a mess of a film.  But we do get a lot more creature designs on screen, and the book's ending, which is MUCH better than the theatrical cut, there's also a few extra setup scenes smoothing it a bit.  Overall, worth a watch if you like monsters, but I'd call it a bad film anyway.

There were rumors of a TV series of Nightbreed a couple years back, I wish that had happened as all the lore and backstory they try to set up and the multitude of characters...  The same story would play out much better as a limited series, if handled right.  Or an ongoing series, if it follows the later comic stuff. 

[M.10rda]

It's Kevin Dillon, Mat Dillons brother in the Blob

Yep. Maybe Matt would've been more compelling. At least he has better hair!

[FatFreddysCat]

It's Kevin Dillon, Mat Dillons brother in the Blob

Whoops, of course you are correct. I got my Dillons confused. :D

"Leonard Part 6" (1987)
A retired CIA super-spy (Bill Cosby) is called back to active duty to stop a vegetarian villainess who's training ordinary animals to become savage killers.
Cosby was at the peak of his TV sitcom powers when he made this painfully unfunny spy spoof, but he must have left his comic mojo on the small screen, because this train wreck barely elicits a single chuckle.
"Cos" co-wrote and produced this notorious box office flop, then spent years trying to live it down. Simply awful.

"Terminal Exposure" (1987)
While taking photographs of girls on the beach, two Southern California slackers inadvertently capture a murder on film. When they try to unravel the mystery themselves, they befriend a stripper, narrowly avoid getting rubbed out by an inept hit man, and tangle with a bunch of mobsters looking for half a million dollars in stolen cash.
A silly but watchable "B" grade mystery/comedy that gets by mainly on the charms of its leading lady, former Playmate Hope Marie Carlton, and a healthy amount of T&A. Besides, after sitting through "Leonard Part 6," this one looked like solid gold.

[indianasmith]

UNCLE SAM (1997)  After being killed in a friendly fire incident over Kuwait, the body of a U.S. soldier is sent back to his hometown, where he re-animates and starts killing all those he deems insufficiently patriotic.  Cheesy plot, but some creative kills and a really cool makeup job on the undead serial killer makes for cheesy B-movie fun. 4/5

[Trevor]

UNCLE SAM (1997)  After being killed in a friendly fire incident over Kuwait, the body of a U.S. soldier is sent back to his hometown, where he re-animates and starts killing all those he deems insufficiently patriotic.  Cheesy plot, but some creative kills and a really cool makeup job on the undead serial killer makes for cheesy B-movie fun. 4/5

Almost sounds like a remake of Dead Of Night, aka Deathdream. 😊

[Rev. Powell]

THE MADS ARE BACK: A NIGHT OF SHORTS X: Frank and Trace riff a bunch of shorts, mostly dull industrials and hiegenes; one is actually a re-riff of the "Industrial Arts" short from MST3K (which falls short of the original), but two of them are pretty interesting: a storybook type short about a bunny called "Hoppy" (plenty of room to go dark on that one) and one about what life was like in a medieval town. The guest is a guy who has a music podcast, who was fairly interesting, 2.5/5.

[indianasmith]

SLASHLORETTE PARTY:  Brie is having second thoughts about marrying her rather jerkish fiancee, but her friends have already scheduled a big bachelorette weekend for her, so she goes with them - and with the groom and his buds - to a cabin in the woods where they are going to throw a combined bachelor/bachelorette party.  It doesn't end well.  Mayhem, gore, nudity, shouting matches, a psychotic therapist, and two WiFi repairmen who are also serial killers - this one pretty much checks all the B-movie boxes!  Except for coherent plot, maybe - but then, that's not a B-movie thing, is it? 4/5

[Dr. Whom]

Arrietty (2010)

Arrietty is a Borrower, one of tiny people that live in the houses of ordinary folks and 'borrow' what they need of us. During her explorations she befriends a human boy, but this creates the risk of discovery.

While not the best Ghibli, this is certainly up to the Studio's standards. The animations of plants and insects are marvellous, and the way the Borrowers get about is shown in loving detail to rival the deployment of any mecha. I did find it a remarkably bleak movie. The basis premise is: teenage girl brings ruin on her family through her rashness. Now, as someone of a pessimistic nature, I am naturally drawn towards depressing movies, but I didn't expect it to show up that much in a Ghibli. Apparenty Disney thought so too, because Wikipedia informs me that the English dub ends on a slightly more upbeat voiceover.

[Gabriel Knight]

ANGEL HEART (1987)

A private investigator is hired by a man who calls himself Louis Cyphre to track down a singer named Johnny Favorite. But the investigation takes an unexpected and somber turn.

Excellent part from Mickey Rourke, the first time I see him like this. De Niro hams it up, and he ends up being way too cheesy for such a serious movie. Like every film noir, you'll end up sad and depressed, but the mystery is quite engaging, and I was never bored.

Sadly, I thought it was way too predictable, and they went way too far with the metaphors. On occasions they tried to te profound, and end up being unintentionally funny, especially when De Niro shows up. I'm still trying to understand the first scene's relation with the rest of the film. It seems to serve only to set the tone, but there was a million different ways to do it, all which make much more sense than a random dead woman in an alley being smelled by a dog.

For those who played it, it reminded me a lot of the game that gives me my nickname, Gabriel Knight. Although that story is way better.

Recommended. 7/10

[M.10rda]

THE MENU (2022):
Had to reflect on this one a few days before posting. I was 100% onboard and extremely impressed until about the last twenty-five minutes, and a whole slew of nagging questions occurred to me after the closing credits. The film works better, generally, as a satire than as a horror thriller, and not optimally as either. My partner and I are big fans of SUCCESSION, which lends its producers, one of its writers, and director Mark Mylod (also a GAME OF THRONES veteran) to THE MENU. Yet SUCCESSION is consistently funnier and often scarier than THE MENU, and GoT was of course scarier than at least 19 out of 20 horror movies.

Ultimately I feel like the screenplay could have used another pass and Mylod could've better handled the final transition into full-tilt Elsa-attack mode. Not to let The Perfect be the enemy of The Good or anything, but if one was to apply the standards and strategies of Head Chef Julian Slowik and Sous Chef Katherine Keller to cinema, one would have to admit that THE MENU's many diverse courses and ingredients fail to add up to a single harmonious dining experience. Madame 10rda, on the other hand, has more of an Erin/Margot-type appetite for traditional cheeseburgers, and was hoping THE MENU would deliver in the style of MIDSOMMAR or READY OR NOT (two distinct taste profiles but both hearty and satisfying). It didn't.

Me, I liked it enough to wish I liked it more. Then again, I watched (and posted about) Merchant-Ivory's SAVAGES a couple of weeks ago, and purely as films about misbehavior of the privileged go, THE MENU is a big improvement.

3.5/5 (easily a 4+ for the first 75 minutes)

[lester1/2jr]

Deprivation (2019)- another day, another found footage experience. This was very basic and easy to follow: 3 college bro dudes decide to take a trip to a "cabin in the woods", it's actually a house but serves the same purpose story-wise, and stay awake for 7 days. It starts off with Breakfast Club style conversations and gets darker. One question I have is what the hell did they do all day besides of the moments captured on the film? 7 days 24 hours a day is a lot of time.

Does the whole thing feel like a college film class project? Yes, but it's a decent one. Could they have done more with the concept? Yes, but they don't screw it up too bad or attempt weird suspension of disbelief stuff or have a forest druid thingy plot twist.

4/5