Random Thought Thread Part III: The Thinking

[ER]

Something about this weather is making me want to settle in and play good old Oblivion.

[indianasmith]

Something about this weather is making me want to settle in and play good old Oblivion.

My son-in-law Joseph was playing that the other day, and it made me want to play it, too.

[ER]

All right, imagine one night circa 1999, you're at a college party waiting to drive your friends home because you're typically their designated driver and therefore walk the fine line at parties that separates Good Samaritan from nerd, and while you're waiting you notice a frat boy hard-partier type staring at you with a lascivious cockiness, and you ignore him but he keeps staring until he comes over to you and you think ok here it comes, but instead of hitting on you he sways drunkenly and says, "I remember now. You were my Jew."

And you are puzzled. It's not unusual for these politically cerulean folk of high and mighty New England to hold your Midwestern origins in undertones of condescension, but "... you were my Jew...." is new to your experience, so you ask, "Pardon? "

Only to have the wobbly-drunk TKE type repeat, "Yeah, you were my Jew. I remember you now."

Two things register. The first is that there is an unmistakable hint of sexual achievement in his words and boastful stare, the second is puzzlement that someone would think you were Jewish.

You want to blurt out, " Do I look Jewish?"

But of course you can't imply Jews have a certain appearance, no, but still you know you don't look Jewish, so that part puzzles you more than this inebriated stranger's apparent conviction that he has had physical knowledge of you at some point in the past.

He laughs and moves away and even then then you are aware that unless you stop him and ask what he's talking about you'll spend the remainder of your life thinking back on this odd moment and ruing not finding out but already knowing you won't do it, that instead you'll lock yourself in a cell of ignorance, wondering about his remark, wondering what it meant, wondering why he thought you were Jewish.

And so you have.

[LilCerberus]

I wonder what Marshmallow Peeps would look like if they "grew", like chicks into chickens....

[Alex]

I wonder what Marshmallow Peeps would look like if they "grew", like chicks into chickens....

The Staypuft Marshmallow man.

[ER]

Ants don't have lungs, so would smoking hurt them?

[RCMerchant]

Ants don't have lungs, so would smoking hurt them?

If they have no lungs- they can't smoke.
Unless you set them on fire.

[ER]

Ants don't have lungs, so would smoking hurt them?

If they have no lungs- they can't smoke.
Unless you set them on fire.

They respirate through modified skin pores that place oxygen into cells. (As I understand it.) So if they were around smoke they'd take it in.

[RCMerchant]

Ants don't have lungs, so would smoking hurt them?

If they have no lungs- they can't smoke.
Unless you set them on fire.

They respirate through modified skin pores that place oxygen into cells. (As I understand it.) So if they were around smoke they'd take it in.

I really wouldn't know. If I was high enough I may try smoking weed and blowing it into ant holes. Just to see if smoke affects them. Not for my own perverse pleasure, of course.  

[Alex]

Today a Cenobite arrived at my front door accompanied by a three-headed knight and two wizards (Merlin and Tim the Enchanter. Currently, they are chilling in the garage.

[ER]

My cousin came for lunch today but ended up having to leave after a few minutes since her alarm company needed her on-site because the police were accidentally called to her house, long story there and I digress. Mea culpa....

BUT while she was here she unintentionally confirmed something horrifically preternatural that had been puzzling me....

Another cousin of mine, her brother, lives upstate and we go see him about once a year, usually, before Covid, for his football parties during the OSU-Bltchagain games each November.

At his house he and his wife have THEE most infamously uncomfortable sofa on Earth, so bad it's known as the torture-couch.

It's expensive, it's trendy, it's leather, but its hard as a rock, tilts too far backward, and sits so low to the ground its challenging for some to get up from, and if you're in a dress you have to sit strategically lest you wind up in some party guest's upskirt gallery.

OK, bad sofa, got that?

Well last time we were there the sofa looked the same but was about a foot higher off the ground, but when I remarked on this, my cousin's very nice and undeceitful wife said no, they hadn't raised the sofa, and when I described how it used to be low to the floor, indeed inches from it, she seemed puzzled, laughed and said, "Uh, no, same couch, exactly the same the years we've had it."

Nooooo, no, no, no, this sofa is a thing of infamy and legend. The leather-covered board on the edge will bruise your thighs if you stand up wrong. It makes vulgar noises if you scoot across it. It's evil.

But under her sincere denial I felt dumb! Was...was I wrong?  I even waited for my chance and got down and checked and I don't think the couch had been raised!

In the car I asked the guy who married me if he noticed the couch was higher and he didn't know what I was talking about!

I began to suspect a joke everyone was in on but time passed, nobody came out with ha-ha we fooled you, so I started to wonder if maybe I was in another dimension I actually was not remembering the sofa right, and eventually it slipped from my mind.

Til today! One of the things Dana said before she had to leave was, "Did you see Jared must've raised his torture couch higher? I was at his house and that sofa was a lot taller."

Yes! Yes! It's a foot higher!!!!

I asked if she mentioned it to him though and she said she didn't think about it but would.

So ... I now have a witness to the mysteriously growing torture-couch that clouds its owners' minds and memories as it hurts butts and bruises thighs and from a low angle reveals the color of its occupants' underwear.

Holy water is in that furniture's future....

[Paquita]

ER - I love that story - I need to know how it ends.  Do you know the make and model of the couch so we can do some research?  I actually think I might be obsessed with couches.  I have 15.  All but 1 are thrifted, I don't want you all to get the wrong idea and think I'm some crazy person going broke buying couches.  I'm some crazy person getting excellent deals on quality sittin' units.

[ER]

ER - I love that story - I need to know how it ends.  Do you know the make and model of the couch so we can do some research?  I actually think I might be obsessed with couches.  I have 15.  All but 1 are thrifted, I don't want you all to get the wrong idea and think I'm some crazy person going broke buying couches.  I'm some crazy person getting excellent deals on quality sittin' units.

I don't know the make but I will definitely ask. This couch is EviL I tell you. Probably once belonged to Elton John's wardrobe consultant or another deranged soul.

[ER]

ER - I love that story - I need to know how it ends.  Do you know the make and model of the couch so we can do some research?  I actually think I might be obsessed with couches.  I have 15.  All but 1 are thrifted, I don't want you all to get the wrong idea and think I'm some crazy person going broke buying couches.  I'm some crazy person getting excellent deals on quality sittin' units.

I will ask her about her couch today.

[ER]

ER - I love that story - I need to know how it ends.  Do you know the make and model of the couch so we can do some research?  I actually think I might be obsessed with couches.  I have 15.  All but 1 are thrifted, I don't want you all to get the wrong idea and think I'm some crazy person going broke buying couches.  I'm some crazy person getting excellent deals on quality sittin' units.

I will ask her about her couch today.

OK, I asked my cousin's wife and she still swears the sofa has not been altered in any way, so clearly the malign forces have control of her perceptions, poor Diana. She didn't know the model and just said it came from Ikea and was "irregular"  and I thought, no kidding, it's got a freaking demon living inside it, that's its irregularity. But I looked on Ikea's website and am about 80% sure it is this one right here:

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/morabo-sofa-grann-bomstad-black-metal-s09316670/

And if you notice the poor girl in the image is having to sit tilted back? I think some perv designed the sofa that way, I truly do.

PS: I just noticed the make name is "Black Metal" so how much more Satanic could it get?