RECENT VIEWINGS (Bad Movie Thread!)

[zombie no.one]

UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: THE RETURN (1999)

Now it's Van Damme's turn to do 'every action movie ever condensed into one'... this one is very bitty and all over the place. never really gels into anything coherent.

there's a scene where Van Damme is looking at a palm / hand ID screen thing, with a computer generated graphic of a hand on it... and the hand spins around and flips the bird at him 

 that's all you need to know about this film, everything else is a footnote in comparison. (edit, no pun intended)

[Dr. Whom]

Plan 9 From Outer Space

While I had seen numerous clips, I realised I had never seen it in its entirety. It does not disappoint. This must be the ultimate example of 'we need this scene to happen, so we just write it in the script'.

For me the high point is Tor Johnson rising from the grave. At first you think this actually looks good, and then you realise he's stuck and they have to cut to another shot.
Also, the police lieutenant has a disconcerting habit of gesticulating with his gun. It is a miracle nobody gets shot by accident.

Still more watchable than Larry Buchanan, though.

[Senor Citizen]

Mimic

Seen this couple of times on dvd and thought it was ok.
Now that I bought DTS Laserdisc I found the movie boring and unintresting. Couldn't make it till the end.
Money well spent.

Final Approach

Bought this because of CDS-soundtrack and the movie sucks. Two people conversating with loud flashbacks. It all sounds really good but that`s it.
Movie ends while I was writing this and really don`t care what happens in the end.
Kinda Red Letter Media Best of the worst-quality.

[LilCerberus]

Svenghoulie tonight......
The Valley of Gwangi (1969)
No mention yet of any relation to The Beast of Hollow Mountain (1956)

[zombie no.one]

THE BONE COLLECTOR (1999)

this somehow manages to rip off SE7EN before it's even started, with the quick transition graphic after you hit play on the dvd menu screen. good work.

it's one of those 'horrors' that does not really want to be a horror, it wants to be a thriller instead, but bad luck we're all out of thrills here, so how about some cheese instead? sorry, we've sold out of premium camembert, so how about a Kraft slice that's been procured from under the sofa instead? coming right up

>>starring Angalieena Joaley<<

[breathy voice]:
 oh Angalieena, doth thou takest my hand in marriage, because thou art world's sexiest woman in the worldeth? apparently-eth? but... thou lookest somewhat like a young boy to mine eyes here... (weird). perhap I will postpone our wedding and sit on my couch watching your bad films instead. au revoir ma cherie <3 <3

The thing that ultimately did my head in about this film was the incessant background music which does not improve anything or make anything more exciting / tense / suspenseful got on my nerves so badly I had to stop it, but I did get over half way through.

3 Bones out of 10... make no bones about it, this was bad.

[M.10rda]

MIMIC has always been a terrible movie.