Favorite monologues

[Mofo Rising]

So there are so many threads started on this board that have to do with the best movie quotes of all time.  So I thought I'd try and find out something sort of the same, but different.

What are your favorite monologues?

You know, like Hamlet's "to be or not to be" but much, much lower on the totempole.

I have to say, one of my favorite monologues ever is Chunk from THE GOONIES "Worst thing I ever did" speech.  You know, "But the worst thing I ever did, I mixed up all this fake puke from home. . ."

Brilliant.

I also like Large Marge's sequence from PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE.  "It was like a garbage truck, falling off the Empire State building!"

Yes, I grew up in the eighties.  What of it?

[kriss emmett]

my favourite monolauge is the speech at the beggining of medal of honor front line
(i know its a video game but) its

When they get to heaven
to st.peter they will tell
one more soldier reporting
ive served my time in hell

its refering to the d-day battle on omagh beach,normandy and it sums up the
 emotion of battle perfectly.

[J.R.]

Does the scene in NOTLD where Ben recounts the events at the gas station count as a monologue?

[kriss emmett]

no not really you see a monologue is more of a speech or paticuary long catchphrase.

[J.R.]

There are some great monologues in Spartacus. One that I've turned into a monologue in my own time is the "If you cut off his hand..." speech. If you cut off his head it will roll around and bite you. Cut his head into itty-bitty pieces and you will cut yourself on his jawbone or teeth. Kind of a Roman black knight.

[Flangepart]

The hand....guess Ash learned THAT on the hard way.

[Lee]

Ash telling the newcomers about the evil in ED2 comes to mind.(not sure if it counts length wise though.)

The preacher in Heathers has some great ones(who would think a funeral would be that funny...and weird?)

[Vermin Boy]

I love Miller's monologue in "Repo Man," discussing time travel, flying saucers, and plates of shrimp.

The redneck kid's medal of honor acceptance speech in Mars Attacks: "Also, I think maybe we should all live in teepees, cause... they're better in a lot of ways."

Criswell's opening speech in Plan 9.

The "Stealing through my body" speech made by the orangutan rapist when he's injected with "super-adrenalin" in 1934's "Maniac."

[Pete B6K]

I love Jack Burton's two major monlogues in Big Trouble in Little China:

 â€œYou just listen to the old Pork Chop Express and take his advice on a dark and stormy night, all right. When some wild-eyed, eight-foot tall maniac grabs your neck , taps the back of your favourite head up against the bar room wall and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if you’ve paid your dues, well you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye and you remember what old Jack Burton always says at a time like that. ‘Have you paid your dues, Jack. Yes sir the cheque is in the mail.’”

 â€œYou just listen to the ol’ Pork Chop Express here now and take his advice on a dark and stormy night when the lightning’s crashing and the thunders rollin’ and the rains coming down in sheets thick as lead. Just remember what old Jack Burton does when the earth quakes and the poison arrows fall from the sky and the pillars of heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right square in the eye and he says ‘Gimme your best shot pal, I can take it.’”

I have to give it to Kurt Russell though, cos it's his delivery that made them so great.

Pete

[StatCat]

The monologues in Cemetery Man I like. There are quite a few throughout the movie. Very few movies I watch seem to have any true monologues.

There's also the Suicide deep thought monologue about busting his ass for everyone in return of the living dead which I always liked.

[mr. henry]

...what a great question...

the first one off the top of my head is pretty commonplace...and not a b-movie..but dennis hopper in "true romance"...he knows he's going to die, so why not p**s off the hitman and expedite the inevitable...christopher walken laughing impatiently...the smoke is a nice touch.

i'll try to think of an obscure one...

mr. h.
(500 hits before i die?: www.310am.com)

[frannie]

not really a monologue but in Rudy when the coach is giving his speech before Rudy's final game: "nobody, and i mean nobody, comes into our house and pushes us around."  I saw it on TBS once as I was getting ready to go to a hockey game.  I think I must have set a team record for hits in that game.

[Lee]

Can't agrue with that Pete. The lines are so well written and Kurt's delivery is spot on.

[kriss emmett]

One of my favourite monologues is in the film lock,stock and two smoking barrels when soap(the chef) talks about the advantage of varied weaponry.

bacon:Ive got sum shooters and there pretty flash

Soap: Good but also i think knifes are a good idea BIG @!#$ off shiny ones.
knifes are a true weapon they make less noise than guns and the less noise they make the more likely we are to use them it'll @!#$ em right up!
guns for show knifes for a pro.

Tom: Soap i dont know whats more worring the job or your past.

The faces on soaps mates after his speech is second to none well done to guy ritchy for a top notch directed film.

[J.R.]

How about in Snatch when Bullet Tooth Tony goes through that speech detailing how the three thugs trying to hold him up are akin to male genitalia?