Fantastic Four?

[Abby]

OK, after many delays, I finally dubbed those Zebra Killers this weekend ... and I also found my copy of Fantastic Four (sigh ... with JAY UNDERWOOD, my autistic love God).

So where is the Canadian fellow who was looking for it?

Catch up with me soon, because I'm itching to hook my spare VCR back up to my computer. And once its hooked up, it'll be a month before I unhook it again.

I'd prefer a trade, but the titles I'm looking for aren't exactly blockbuster material. More than any other flick, I'm looking for a movie called Ship of Monsters ... a Mexican cowboy/monster musical. Cinefear has it, but if I can trade for it, I'd be happier.

[Scott Davis]

Hey Abby.

That canadian fellow be right here. Go ahead and fire up your VCR and make me a copy.

Unfortunately, I don't have Ship of Monsters to trade ya for it. I really don't have anything to trade. Sorry.

[Abby]

OK ... I'll stop by the post office on Monday and find out how much shipping up your way costs.

I recently remembered how I obtained my copy of Fantastic Four. I used to write comic books and (ugh -- the horror) attended entirely too many conventions. A friend of a friend gave me some dough to pick up a copy at a show, which is easy to do because they're everywhere.

Anyway, he was a real big fan of the comic book. He watched half of the movie ... and then gave me the tape back. He said if I didn't want it, he was going to throw it out. It depressed him so.

This gent doesn't have a keen taste for the beautifully bad, of course. And sadly, he never made it to the best parts.

You know, at its worst, I still think Fantastic Four is a better flick than Batman and Robin.

[Joe Bannerman]

What's this? The Fantastic Four, you say?

Why, I happen to have a review of the film in question right here:

http://www.stomptokyo.com/otf/Fant-Four/Fant-Four.htm

And where did I get my copy of this cinematic "gem?"

http://www.blackestheart.com/blackestEFG.htm

"Shameless" Joe Bannerman

[Mofo Rising]

What did you write for comics?  Anything anybody's actually read?

[Abby]

I have a short story in the current Best of Crypt of Dawn  trade paperback from Sirius. It's not something I consider MY best. The book has lots of lushly-illustrated big-chested honeys, though, so it might be enjoyed by those who dig that sort of thing:) Most of my stuff is out of print, but something shows up every few weeks on E-bay. The market got really about two years ago, and I sort of got sucked in by the Internet around the same time.

Here:

A COMIC

By the by, that's my very first webpage (aw, kinda like that flat-chested MY FIRST BARBIE) ... done under the name 'Abby.' That's actually where the original Girdler content appeared ... that's how it started. And that story itself was printed in a Sirius book a couple of years ago.

I'll check out your Fan4 review ... that movie has won a spot in my heart. I don't know if you saw my board rant here a few weeks ago about Jay Underwood, but oh ... how that man gives me the shivers. I love how Dr. Doom's voice is muffled from the mask toward the end ... like they forgot to redub his voice or something. And Alex "Your Hair is So" White's "let's get 'em, guys" performance is classic.

[Squishy]

Okay, we all know most of the later "Superman" and "Batman" movies blew major chunkage--even if you liked the first ones--but there's a plethora of unsung superheroes on video out there...

If you poke into http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Labyrinth/3148/Lounge.htm you can witness pieces of the hideous glory of the unaired "Justice League of America" pilot, featuring an unemployed Flash, the live-action version of the most unpopular Green Lantern ever, flash-in-the-pan nobodies Fire and Ice (Guess their powers! Think hard!), and chunky-style versions of the Atom and the Martian Manhunter (David Odgen Stiers, the grosso-obeso from "M*A*S*H"). When a hurricane threatens to destroy an entire city, Atom rushes into action and retrieves a cat. Ahem.

I would love to see, someday, the unaired (that word keeps popping up for some reason!) ABC pilot for "The Spirit," based on the Will Eisner classic comic. Three words: Sam. J. Jones. Uh-huh. Go, Flash, go! Go straight to hell! Probably came complete with Gary Coleman as Ebony White. "Whatchu talkin' 'bout Mistah Spirit?" Yaaaaaaaaaa.

Fans of Cameron Mitchell (as seen in "Space Mutiny," and assorted other disasters) would love watching "Supersonic Man," a European rip-off of 1978's "Superman." Mitchell is the, uh, supervillian. The movie is excrutiating, something like what I imagine passing large shards of glass through your colon would feel like.

The Pumaman.
The Pumaman.
The Pumaman.

Any I've forgotten at the moment?

[Abby]

The Captain America they made in the early 90's is very similar to Fantastic Four in form and (lack of) style. I also picked that one up for a friend at a comic book show, but I don't own a copy myself. It has Ned Beatty and a few other washed up actors. It was pretty wretched as I recall ... a tragedy in light of the Burton Batmen flicks, which were still big at the time.

There is also a HORRIBLE Vampirella movie floating around.

[Abby]

Can I also say that Supergirl ranks with The Skateboard Kid as one of the most useless pieces of crap I've ever seen?

Ugh ... Supergirl played in 24-hour-a-day cable TV rotation in the 80's, and it's just a terrible film. Long as hell, too. I'd sit through Captain America a hundred more times before you'd see me watch Supergirl again.

[Abby]

And wait ... there's the Wonderwoman movie with a very blonde Cathy Crosby (from the TV show That's Incredible).

And Tank Girl ... with Ice-T as a kangaroo. Oh lordie, was that ever a terrible movie. I know some people liked it, but I've always wanted to know what drugs they took at the time they viewed it.

And the made-for TV teen X-Men with that chick from General Hospital.

I'll shut up now.

[Andrew]

Abby (and all concerned),

Please don't trade tapes via the message board.  All things considered, it makes me a little nervous - especially with the latest Napster judgements.

Now, if the rights to the film are expired (or whatever the case) and it is public domain then you are in the clear.  It's just that researching that is usually a pain in the rear.

Good thread on bad superhero films though.  I keep looking at my LD of "The Incredible Hulk Returns" with thoughts of a review.  Also, a gent emailed me and said that Titus Moede passed away.  Guess we will not have his commentary when Rat Pfink a Boo Boo comes to DVD.

Andrew

[Squishy]

No, no, you brought back lots of fond memories, though I was looking for recent stuff that no more than five or six people on the street have seen in the continental US..."Captain America" was indeed awful (He had rubber ears! Hee hee hee!), but you can go buy the damned thing if you hate yourself badly enough; all I have of "The Spirit" is a TV Guide shot of Sam J. Jones (retch) wearing a blue mask...

"Supergirl"! Holy cow, look at the cast of that mess! Helen Slater, Peter O'Toole, Faye Dunaway, Brenda Vaccaro, Simon Ward?!? With all the ham, you'd think the movie was made specifically for Eric Cartman!...Poor Helen, though; she tried, and she was good in "Ruthless People." Nice score by Jerry Goldsmith; the worse the movie, the better his music ("The Omen," "First Blood," "Deep Rising," and on and on and on). The director gave us "Jaws 2" and "Bug!," what did the studio expect from him?

Trivia: when George Reeves died, the makers of the old "Superman" TV show scrambled to find a quick Super-replacement. They tried making a "Superboy" pilot which was pretty funny, but not as funny as "SuperPup"--midgets wearing immobile papier-mache dog heads blowing each other up. It's a great thing to watch while sniffing glue or just sitting around cracking your kneecap with a hammer. The unaired pilots for both "Boy" and "Pup" were put out on tape in 1997 by an independent company (Video Rareties), if you can find it, I highly recommend it.

[Squishy]

Naturally, AFTER I post, I research. Pop "Superpup" into Google.com and you'll get a taste. Here's one site: http://members.tripod.com/~davidschutz/superpup.htm

I can't find anything for "Video Rareties." They used to be a great source of old, now-forbidden TV animation (cigarette-smoking "8th-Man," for example) and forgotten crud like "SuperPup." Maybe they're still around, but they don't seen to have a direct outlet.

[Squishy]

http://www.fortress.am/BookShop/vids.html

...and it helps the Christopher Reeve Foundation. Buyer Beware, of course.

Okay, now I'LL shut up.

[Scott Davis]

It shouldn't cost to much to send it up here. Probably 4 bucks.

I myself have had a hand in writing comic books too. Mostly underground stuff, really hard to find.

I'm gonna email you my address ok?