Three Terrible Movies

[Steven Millan]

           Here are three movies that I just saw within the last three days,and thought pretty much stank....
           *"The Convent":a couple of cool gory kills that are pulled up to the top hilt,
    but has an incredibly stupid plot that copies "Night Of The Demons"(even the Goth chick here looks like the exact one from that latter film/Linnea Quigley "classic"),and Mike mendez's directing tries too hard to be cool.Guess I'm too OD'ed on Takashi Miike and Dario Argento to appreciate this one(oh yeah,cameos by Coolio and Bill Moseley,the "House Of 1000 Corpses/"Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2" guy,and Adrienne Barbeau trying to out-tough Sybil Danning in the rifle totting,leather jacket-clad tough lady department). You folks will probably like it a lot better,mainly for the cool looking demons and the splat happy gore.
          * "Final Examination":other than being solely for Debbie Rochon fans,the less said about Fred Olen Ray's latest horror/action hybrid,the better(there's even a crazy family involved in thsi one).
          * "Wolves Of Wall Street": another David DeCoteau bare chested boys-filled atrocity that tries to be a werewolf remake of "The Brotherhood",but downplays the homo hints,and has no werewolves(justzombie-looking howling guys). It's really sad to see that "Clueless" '
Elisa Donovan,Michael Bergin,Louise Lasser,and Eric Roberts(who wishes he could has been Bill in "Kill Bill",and is really slumming it up here) were out of work the week this one filmed.

[Haze]

I absolutely love the Convent, stupid but still very funny and somehow respectful homage to the 80s demon/gore films like Night of the Demons. I actually was going to buy a used copy of this, but my firend went under my nose and snatched it.

Final Examination is laughable, but so much fun! The story makes no sense, yet the action is great, the acting is decent, and there is enough nudity to go around. A decent watch.

Never seen the last one.

[jmc]

Didn't like the Convent....hated the music-video style directing, and humor at inappropriate moments.