THE GHASTLY ONES (nominee for "most boring movie?")

[The Burgomaster]

The newly released DVD of this Andy Milligan stinker arrived in my mailbox yesterday.  I watched about half of it last night, and will attempt to endure the rest today.  It starts out with a typical Milligan gore scene (a young couple being hacked to pieces, with gore effects that are about as fake as you can get).  The editing is terrible and the camera work is just plain silly.  Milligan tries to go for an "art house" look by filming people through glass lanterns and things . . . it's just annoying and dumb.

There have been many threads about "which is the worst movie of all time" and "who is the worst director of all time."  I think that Andy Milligan's movies qualify for nominations in the category "most boring movies of all time."  Most of Milligan's movies are less than 90 minutes long (many are barely over an hour).  yet, I find it VERY difficult to watch any of them in one sitting.

[Scott]

I thought that THE GHASTLY ONES was suppose to be one of his best. The films of Milligan that I have seen are horrid and the dialogue like a soap opera with infantile voices.

[The Burgomaster]

Sorry, Scott.  From what I've seen of THE GHASTLY ONES so far (about 40 minutes or so), it's a bunch of bad actors, in bad costumes, speaking in soap opera dialogue.  They don't really have infantile voices . . . but their talent levels are certainly infantile.

[Velvet Brotha]

I nominate any film that involved the "Palonia brothers." I'm serious.... These guys deserve to be beaten with a sock full of quarters thrown in a cage with viciously horny monkeys.

"OOh-ooh-OOh--AHHHH!" (hump, hump, hump)

[42nd_Street_Freak]

Just received this myself.  As a big Grindhouse/exploitation fan I always felt bad about not seeing any of Milligan's films (not a very nice man in reality it seems with some very dodgy sexual kicks) but they are almost impossible to find in the UK.

"The Ghasty Ones" was released in the Uk as "Blood Rites" and promptly banned and put on the Video nasties list.  This is my first chance to see  the movie and these 2 films (the other "Seeds of Sin" is also on the DVD) are my first Milligan movies.  I've only read about the guy, but i guess now I can have a small glimpse of what cinematic trash fests he made.  Say a prayer for me guys!

[The Burgomaster]

I'm reviving this thread that I started back in January because I FINALLY sat down and watched this damned movie from beginning to end.  This is really bad stuff, so I recommend that you all try to get your hands on a copy and watch it.  It features one of the worst make-up jobs of all time.  There is a dimwitted hunchback who has teeth sticking out of his mouth that look like those plastic teeth that you can buy in joke shops.  It's hard not to laugh every time he is on screen (the fact that he's a rotten actor doesn't help much).  The movie also contains the usual terrible Andy Milligan gore effects (including a cleaver-in-the-head, which the actor has to hold in place with her hand as she's falling down a staircase).  Awful.

[Chris K.]

So you finally watched THE GHASTLY ONES through and through, huh? Well, I applaud you. I'm probably the only Andy Milligan admirer here at badmovies.org. You really have to be an admirer of 42nd Street trash cinema like myself in order to "get" Milligan's films. THE GHASTLY ONES is pure horror-exploitation with all the crazed lunacy and cheap gore you can expect. But in the long run, it's pure entertainment Milligan-style.

It's sad that Milligan's old black-and-white sexploitation drama's like DEPRAVED! (1967), TRICKS OF THE TRADE (1968), KISS ME, KISS ME, KISS ME (1969) are considered to be lost films. Even Milligan's first horror film THE NAKED WITCH (1967) is also lost. Hopefully, 35mm prints will show up sometime in the near future as these films were the most successful Milligan product and garnished some rave reviews when originally released.

By the way, did you enjoy the informative Milligan linear notes that came with the DVD, written by yours truely. I'm not mentioning this to brag at all, just wanted to hear an opinion on what some thought of my writing after my original version ended up...well, different in the final print.

[The Burgomaster]

Chris:

I haven't read the notes on Milligan, but I will be sure to do so.

I'm somewhat of a Milligan fan.  Well, not really a fan, but a person who is curious about Milligan's films.  I also have BLOODTHIRSTY BUTCHERS and THE RATS ARE COMING! THE WEREWOLVES ARE HERE! (double DVD set).  I saw CARNAGE on video many years ago.

I would love to see one of his movies in a theater.  I think it would be a very memorable(??????) experience.

[Chopper]

For the worst director I think it's a tough tie with Al Adamson.

[Ozzymandias]

Chris - I have the DVD. Your liner notes are great. For some reason I want to see more of Milligan's work.  Not sure why, but I do. I also want to read the book about him.

Burgomaster - If you have the DVD, watch Ghastly Ones with the commentary from the actor who played Colin the hunchback. It's funny and the guy is pretty vocal about the film.

The best part of the film (artistically) is the part I can't stand to watch. It is seeing Liz's decaptated head in the pot. Too much for me.

However the biggest laugh has to be when Bill (I believe that is his name) is followed through the cellar by the Jawa-looking killer. Bill turns around, the killer squats down and Bill OVERLOOKS the killer squatting in front of him.  That should have been in Scary Movie.

[Scott H]

Most boring movie? The Cars that Ate Paris. Stupid Australian artsy directors. Stick to being criminal descendants and talking in funny accents. Your films have no love in my heart.

[Yaddo42]

haven't seen any Milligan films yet, but I've heard the name often enough. There's an interesting mini-biography and summation of his film career in the book "Sleazoid Express" by Bill Landis and Michelle Clifford, which seems to be an expansion of select subjects from the magazine of the same same. Worth checking out for anyone interested in him.

[Dave Munger]

No one else likes The Cars That Ate Paris except me and my dad?

[Fearless Freep]

Let's not forget Don Dohler

Not an exploition director, but still very bad.

[Scott H.]

You are strange folk indeed for enjoying The Cars That Ate Paris.