House Of the Dead (2003) WTF???

[Ash]

AHHHHHHH!!!!!

My head still hurts from watching this!

OMG this is without a doubt the worst f**kin' movie I have seen in quite some time.

This film has some of the worst acting I've seen lately.
The only character I liked was Capt. Kirk....yes Capt Kirk! (played by Jorgen Prochow..or however his name is spelled)
He was cool.
The kids are all total morons who are scared at first but then become expert hand to hand mortal combatants and gunfighters with any weapon given to them ALL WITHIN SECONDS as soon as the zombies begin their onslaught.
NOOOO!!!!!!

And what the hell was with the Matrix style bullet time shots!?
Not just once....but a bullet time shot for EVERY character!
That's like 6 or 7 bullet time shots all within a 5 minute duration!
It would show a person shooting at a zombie and then the action would freeze and the bullet time camera shot would circle around that person as they fired their weapon in slow motion and then once the circle of the camera was completed the movie would go back to real time.
WTF???
AHHHH!!!
The ONLY cool bullet time shot was when that zombie did a somersault and as it came foward to land on its feet, it threw an axe at that girl.
She jumps into the air and then the bullet time takes over as she fires a blast from her shotgun.  You see the shot come out of the barrel in bullet time and watch it as it travels along it's path and the seperate pieces of shot spread out.
Then it switches back to real-time and the blast hits the zombie blowing him backwards.
I thought that was a cool shot.

Continuity errors abound as when it's raining on Capt. Kirk while he's on his boat that's docked AT THE ISLAND and there's no rain where the kids are on the other part of this SAME ISLAND!
AHHH!!!

The soundtrack is almost literally ripped off from the Duke Nukem video games!
AAHHHHH!!!

Also, the filmmakers thought it would be cool to intercut scenes from the ACTUAL video game in between shots!!
This happens at least 20 times in the entire movie.  No joke!
NOOOOO!!!!!  AHHHHHH!!!!

Oh, and one zombie in this can spit acid!!
Yes acid!!
WTF???

This movie is so horrendously bad that it BEGS to be reviewed on here!
If I didn't have to take it back to the video store tonight I'd write a full reader review on it.
I read that this was ranked 32nd on the IMDB's worst movie list and BELIEVE ME, that is an absolute fact!
In case you don't believe me, go here to the IMDB and read all of the horrid reviews of it:  
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0317676/

One thing I learned from this movie:  Spanish conquistador swords that are at least 200 years old can still hold up well in a swordfight today!

AHHHHH!!!  
My head still hurts!!!!!

Someone get me a Tylenol!
Better yet....someone get me Excedrin Extra Strength for Migraines!!!
AHHHH!!!  It hurts so bad!!!



Post Edited (01-30-04 18:43)

[TC]

All I need to know to stay away from this movie is that one of the co-writers is Dave Parker, who wrote and directed, "The Dead Hate The Living" - which was a godawful movie.

[Mr_Vindictive]

Heh, I too rented this flick yesterday.  Rushed to the video store on my lunch break to rent it.  It was well worth the effort.

Sure the film is bad.

It's REAL bad.

But, it is still entertaining as hell.  There was just so much crap in this film to make fun of.

1. The huge rave is actually 15 people standing around.

2. The "TROPICAL" island is obviously not tropical.  It was actually filmed in Washington state.

3. The bodies of Spanish Conquistadors (sp?) would not have any flesh still on them.

4. The "young" characters in the film were obviously in the 30s.


There are more things, but I digress.  As I said before, eventhough the film has quite a few flaws, it is still entertaining.  The bad acting and continuity make the film what it is.  Dave Parker (Screenwriter) knows his stuff when it comes to zombie films and also seems to know how to write extremely bad scripts.  Although his first effort-Dead Hate The Living-was decent, this script is poor.

But was it meant to be?

That was the question that kept running through my mind while watching this film.  I kept wondering if Uwe Boll actually meant for it to be this bad?  Or did he actually think that he was making a quality film?  

Anyway, I know this semi-review is disjointed and incoherent but it's early.  Go rent this film just to experience how bad it is.  Make sure you have a few beers with it though to wash down the taste.

[Mr_Vindictive]

Uwe Boll is now filming a live action version of the fantastic horror games "Alone In The Dark", and then a film version of the game Bloodrayne.

Does this mean that movie big wigs enjoyed HOD enough to sign this guy on for more films!?  Or did they make a mistake and give this dude a contract?

[Perk]

Sad thing was that I was waiting for this movie to come out.  I even replayed the first two games and even ZOmbie Revenge ( Greta game and hard as all get up to beat) the week before it was supposed to come out.  Then I read what it was about and got angry.  Firts there was no rave in the house of the dead.  No RAve .  Looks like whoever wrote the story was playing Hunter The Reckoning (another good zombie type game) and decided thatr they could pass for each other.  Second I heard about the bullet time and saw the trailer and prrayed that those were not the shots in it.  Thir I heard about the video game footage ...........  If I wanted to ee that much footage I'd go play the game.  So I haven't seen it yet, I'm actually scared to because I loved thje games.  And whats with teh conquistadors?????  It should be a game about a guy that makes zombies evil not conquistadors.  I fear for Alone in the Dark because I like that series as well

On  a positive note at least they got somethgn right.  Some of the zombies in the game do spit acid.  DAng acid spittin zombies ahhhhhhhh

[Max Gardner]

I can't be the only one who enjoyed this movie.  The glaring continuity errors, goofy slow-motion "Bruckheimer walk," gratuitous bullet-time and slow-motion breast-bouncing, and especially the fact that not only is Jurgen Prochnow in it, they taunt him with a reference to one of the many good films he's been a part of ("Here comes the U-boat captain!") - entertaining stuff.  This film was pure unadulterated crap and I loved it.

[Ash]

Skaboi wrote:

>
> " I kept wondering if Uwe Boll actually
> meant for it to be this bad?  Or did he actually think that he
> was making a quality film?"  

I have to go with option #2 on that statement.

I'll bet anything that while making this film, Boll thought he was the s**t!  
Judging from the Matrix bullet-time stuff, I'll bet that he watched the dailies & thought this film was so kickass.
He didn't have a clue.

I don't think that it was done intentionally bad.

I think that Boll thought he was creating good cinema.....but sadly wasn't.



Post Edited (01-28-04 19:50)

[jmc]

I read a review of this...I have to say, this movie has a classic Bad Movie line....

"This book looks really old.  Maybe it can help us!"

[JohnL]

>Does this mean that movie big wigs enjoyed HOD enough to sign this guy on for
>more films!?

Movie executives are incapable of judging quality.

[FearlessFreep]

Movie executives are incapable of judging quality.

It's all about ROI

"Return On Investment"

If you can make a movie for cheap and it makes more money than it cost than whether the movie is good or not doesn't matter.

[Darkautumn]

Oh yeah, this was absolutely AWFUL!! We rented it last night, expecting a goofy zombie flick (not very good but at least fun to watch) but whoa..!! The acting, the dialog, the continuity...all were BELOW the bottom of the barrel. What moron watched the dailies and decided to leave in the scene where the springboard is CLEARLY VISIBLE, launching one of the zombies into the air??!! And that fight scene had to be THE WORST (and that is saying alot!!) example of that overused "bullet time" crap, as well as being horribly choreographed and shot! I really believe the whole thing had to be made as a tax write-off for someone. I can't say enough bad things about this movie! Definitely one of the top-ten (bottom-ten?) worst zombie movies of all. I've never played the video game, but I already hate it just from having this piece of crap inflicted on me!

[Chris K.]

After recently seeing HOUSE OF THE DEAD, I too can confirm that it is truely terrible. If the director was intentionally trying to make the film look "so bad it's good", I'm afraid I couldn't agree with it at all. Just God awful.

But it's funny, Hollywood doesn't seem interested in George Romero's 4th living dead film which would definately bring an auidence in, and yet they make a zombie film with overblown DMX music and the film fails. Smart thinking, Tinseltown.

[Foywonder]

The ultimate HOUSE OF THE DEAD diss-ection:

http://www.schlocktoberfest.com

Just click FOYEURISM then HOUSE OF THE DEAD and see me annihilate it.

[Neon Noodle]

about the only time I laughed was when the first mate tries to give the girl his cross after she got thrown up on -

"It's for protection!"

"Don't worry, I'm on the pill".

Atrocious film. But this is Badmovies.org, after all....

[Gecko Brothers]

The only good thing about the dvd is that it had a miscelaneous romero and savini interview and his script  idea for the fourth dead film. This was a horrible movie. Even if you like the asian girl still you can do better at newgrounds. Now that is just sad. I bet they knew it was going to suck so. They just interview Savini and Romero just so they can sell it