DOUBLE DRAGON
- 
|
| Rated PG-13
| | Copyright 1993 Scanbox International, Greenleaf Productions, and Imperial Entertainment
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
|
|
- Billy Lee - Scott Wolf! Brash and younger of the two brothers, he has to wear the gay blue outfit.
- Jimmy Lee - Older and slightly bitter of the pair who hates lunch boxes. Scott Wolf's love pulls him from the brink... (Soft music here.)
- Marian - Alyssa Milano! Spunky female leader of "The Power Corps." I think she was caught in a paint factory explosion.
- Satori - Woman who adopted Billy and Jimmy after they were orphaned, she also tried to keep the Double Dragon Amulets out of evil hands. Fried by an explosion and dies.
- Chief Delario - Marian's father and head of the New Angeles Police Department.
- Huey and Lewis - Two goons.
- Bo Abobo - Steroid popping gang member who looks like a giant turnip after Shuko experiments on him.
- Lash - Sexy blonde woman who works for Shuko. You have to love any girl that good with a whip.
- Koga Shuko - Robert Patrick! (The T-1000 from Terminator 2.) A corrupt martial arts master turned tycoon who will stop at nothing to obtain the Double Dragon Amulets. Ends up in jail.
|
|
| |
|
I still can't believe this cast, go figure huh? Lovingly inspired by the hot new arcade game (sounds like I'm selling something, doesn't it?) this is an hour and a half of HORRID ACTING.
Here's the plot which casts Scott Wolf as a martial arts fighter: Los Angeles was destroyed by the big quake and is now New Angeles, large sections of which are controlled by gangs. The two Lee brothers have been raised by Satori, who is also protecting one half of the mystical Double Dragon Amulet. Koga Shuko has obtained the amulet's other half and will stop at nothing to complete the talisman. So Satori dies, but delays the bad guys long enough for Jimmy and Billy to escape. These two goof balls then hook up with Marian to avenge Satori's death. Huge collage of kicking and punching, the good guys win, the bad guys go to jail, the end.
What did you expect? All of Shuko's evil warriors are hopelessly inept of course and he can't defeat the adolescent brothers even after joining the amulets together (he briefly has both). Keep in mind that these two spend half the movie looking at each other and screaming. (Abobo shows up - scream, two dozen gang members attack - scream, somebody puts mayonnaise on french fries - scream.) Michael Berryman (Pluto from "The Hills have Eyes") was kind enough to appear, though I still can't figure out why he used "snarf" as a noun.
It's best summed up by commenting that the two brothers were nicknamed "Ugh-Lee" and "Home-Lee" in this movie which was rather "Sill-Lee." |
|
| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
|
- Old monks can't run very fast.
- Karate does not involve nuggies.
- In the future cars are powered by burning newspaper.
- Madonna is secretly in love with Tom Arnold.
- Basketballs are better weapons than nunchucks.
- Shadows can strangle people.
- Canned cheese is bad for internal combustion engines.
- Two adolescent males (one of which is Scott Wolf) can defeat the entire gang population of a major city.
- Never peek in on a ninja who has a metal pole.
|
|
- 2 mins - RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST MONKS!
- 10 mins - A midget, cool!
- 14 mins - Is this a movie or Spyhunter?
- 32 mins - I'll never eat turnips again, I swear.
- 46 mins - A Postal Service gang?
- 55 mins - Marian is torturing Abobo by feeding him spinach...
- 64 mins - Serious rope burn.
- 78 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN ARCADE!
|
| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
|
| File | Dialog |  | doubledragon1.wav
| Billy: "My whole life just flashed before my eyes. Dude, I sleep a lot."
| | doubledragon2.wav
| Satori: "The medallion acts as a spiritual amplifier, it magnifies the power inside you."
| | doubledragon3.wav
| Shuko: "I just want domination of one major American City! Is that too much to ask for? Is it, is it?"
| | doubledragon4.wav
| Demon Ninja: "You're weak, like your father."
Billy: "You're ugly, like your mother!"
| |
| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
|
|
|
| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
|
|
| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
|
|
