DR. ALIEN
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1988 Phantom Productions
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Wesley - College nerd, he takes the task in hand to help Xenobia out with a special series of experiments for extra credit.
- Leeanne - Normal girl who is being driven nuts by Wesley's alien-enhanced sex drive.
- Xenobia - Judy Landers! Busty alien scientist, she has come to Earth (No snickering...) searching for a cure to her race's impotent males.
- Drax - Xenobia's weird little assistant, seems rather droopy at times.
- Marvin - Wesley's friend, somehow he ends up with a female rock band in his lap.
- Dirk and Karla - College bully and girlfriend.
- The Rocker/Dream Chicks - Ginger Lynn! Linnea Quigley! Wow!
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| The film's alternate title is "I Was A Teenage Sex Mutant" (Sort of grabs your attention doesn't it?) and with the likes of Linnea, Ginger Lynn, and Michelle Bauer frolicking through it you know it's something special. Just take one hopeless nerd and add a syringe of intergalactic Spanish Fly, pretty soon he is growing a stalk out of his head, knocking out the local bully, and getting jumped by every woman on campus. The stalk growing out of his head (No, not that one silly.) has a pair of lips on the end, when a woman takes one look at the puckering appendage she goes wild with desire. It also gives the horny lady a case of temporary amnesia, so afterwards the unfortunate Wesley has to deal with irate boyfriends or direct accusations of date rape. Leeanne falls into the latter category, but he sends her some roses and that makes everything better. (Evidently rotting vegetable matter wipes the slate clean.) In addition to all the other drastic changes our little lad joins a "death metal" rock band, it sort of gives me the giggles, they sound much like Warrant - except the word "Hell" is thrown randomly into the song lyrics. Boy is it ever hard to get bored watching this movie. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Some kids want to be Teamsters when they grow up.
- Under every female biology teacher's lab coat is a sexy teddy.
- Vitamins can improve your fashion sense.
- 5.0 liter Ford Mustangs can't keep up with a station wagon.
- Cool guys play the piano without moving their arms or touching the pedals.
- Cold soda soaking into your crotch can really ruin a mood.
- You can keep panties fresh by pressing them in a book, just like a flower...
- Aliens don't watch very much Star Trek.
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- 2 mins - Notice how slowly the fog is moving past the car.
- 7 mins - You know, this looks more like a high school than a college.
- 9 mins - Lockers lining the hallways, hmmm... ...college, high school, college, high school...
- 14 mins - Oh look, a sign that says "Beware of CAT" as in "California Aptitude Test." Is that a college exam? (Rolls eyes.)
- 22 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOTS!
- 22 mins - I want that one and that one and that one...
- 29 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN ORANGE STAND!
- 35 mins - Bad editing job, really bad.
- 41 mins - They are not studying genetics, so why is that chart on the board?
- 46 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 54 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOTS!
- End - You do realize that the object of desire in question has a huge blue turnip for a head?
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | dralien1.wav
| Xenobia: "What can you tell me about your penis?"
| | dralien2.wav
| Wesley: "What do you want?"
Karla: "You!"
Wesley: "I had a feeling you were going to say that."
| | dralien3.wav
| Drax: "That Earth boy stole the last bottle of the formula and blew up the lab! All my notes destroyed!"
| | dralien4.wav
| Wesley: "Maybe it was pretty stupid to challenge a mentally superior being holding a death ray."
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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