HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1982 Dino De Laurentiis.
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Dan Challis - Tom Atkins! An overworked hospital doctor, for some reason he just looks unhygienic.
- Ellie Grimbridge - Younger woman out to discover what really happened to her father, she packs sexy lingerie in her overnight bag "just in case." Presumed dead.
- Mr. Cochran - Inventor and madman intent on making a supreme sacrifice to the pagan gods. Vaporized.
- Buddy and Betty Kupfer - Salesman and his wife, killed by poisonous snakes and crickets.
- Buddy Jr. - If you thought salesmen were annoying, just wait till you meet their kids. Few things have the entertainment value of watching some brat's head rot and spill forth deadly slithering things.
- Teddy - Female forensics expert with the hots for Dan, mushed by an android.
- Henry Grimbridge - Ellie's father, killed in a most unpleasant way.
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Sequels are historically a continuation of the franchise, another way to glean some money from the pocket of the public. The general reasoning is that Joe Public thinks, "I've watched the first two and they were decent, so might as well see the third." Joe is, of course, expecting to see Mr. Myers hard at work once more.
Joe is in for a surprise, because this film has absolutely nothing to do with any of the other Halloween movies. A number of people must have popped the tape back out after watching it for thirty minutes, then checked the label before returning to the store. There they probably complained that someone else had accidentally recorded over the movie.
I don't blame them.
Dan is very interested about the events surrounding Mr. Grimbridge's death. With the assistance of the deceased's attractive daughter he travels to the factory where Silver Shamrock masks are manufactured. Thankfully we are kept abreast of the day and time by helpful captions, though the same is not true for our major characters. Twenty minutes into the film I realized that my notes contained a rough time line, but no mention of who in the heck Tom Atkins was. As in his character's name, let's not wax any more philosophical than that, okay?
Mr. Cochran is very happy, his company is prospering and sales of the three Silver Shamrock masks (pumpkin, witch, and reaper) are riding on a huge advertising wave, easily cornering the market. Swallow the idea that one in every three kids would wear the exact same mask for Halloween. Swallow! Swallow it damn you!
Everything comes with a price and these frightful visages are not excluded, though "your eternal soul" is less common than $6.99 on the tags for Halloween masks. For Cochran has stolen a stone from Stonehenge and somehow transported it to California without anyone noticing (all the inspectors were too busy checking bananas or something). Pieces of the monument have been used in creating the latex shrouds and they are inherently evil! When a certain commercial is watched the wearer is consumed from within by crickets, snakes, and all sorts of nasty things!
The cursed shrouds are dark druid stuff to say the least, but why should they require a special commercial (even one associated with Ralph Bakshi) to trigger? Notice that I did not imply the plot, just the masks. The plot needs that commercial like few other movies need plot devices, but the masks should be able to trigger based on the alignment of the planets, the moon, or something. We can be pretty certain that the druids did little in the way of market research and targeted advertising so this is plain silly.
It is interesting to note that Carpenter seems to be riding shotgun with this film, one created to advance some sort of conspiracy theory, but did a much better job of it himself with "They Live" a few years later.
Don't miss the section with Dan fighting the autonomous and detached arm of Ellie's impersonating android. Notice how he stands and holds it against his chest as the liberated limb attempts to strangle our hero. The darn thing has no leverage or hold on him, just letting go would cause it to fall harmlessly onto the ground. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Never trust the emergency brakes on a car in the junkyard.
- Having your face broken will make you look like Jack Palance.
- Sexual harassment laws have come a long way.
- Being assigned to intensive care room number thirteen is bad news.
- You can open your eyes after having gasoline poured into them. (Especially if you're an android.)
- Molotov cocktails are not an entrepreneur's friend.
- Old men wear out a lot sooner than young women.
- Sneaking a twenty ton stone through customs is no problem.
- Kidney punches are effective against androids too.
- Night falls in Seattle, WA before New York, NY.
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- Opening Credits - Moustapha! Ooooo! Say it again!
- 3 mins - Yes, but what time is it?
- 13 mins - This guy needs his trousers tailored. Hey Noah, when is the flood?
- 31 mins - Um, I think that I'd sleep on the bed.
- 35 mins - If you ever find me subsisting on spray cheese and Boone's please kill me.
- 52 mins - Trade secrets? We're talking about latex masks, I'm pretty sure a kid could reverse engineer it.
- 68 mins - The appearing and disappearing tag! I'm guessing it is there, just hidden by the shirt.
- 82 mins - They are starting to skimp on the labels, only one in that stack has a clover.
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | halloweeniii1.wav
| Teddy: "You don't just pull someone's skull apart without a little lower arm strength. Know what I mean?"
| | halloweeniii2.wav
| Ellie: "What I want to know is why they put their factory out here in the middle of nowhere."
| | halloweeniii3.wav
| Dan: "(It's) getting late, I could use a drink!"
| | halloweeniii4.wav
| Mr. Cochran: "Stonehenge! We had a time getting it here; you wouldn't believe how we did it."
| | Theme Song | Listen to a clip from the soundtrack. | |
| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | halloweeniii1.mpg
- 3.0m
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| Buddy Jr. wouldn't listen to his mom when she said TV can rot your brain. Of course that was a hyperbole and she honestly didn't think crickets and snakes would stream from her son's putrid "rotting" skull.
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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