THE MANITOU
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1978 AVCO Embassy Pictures
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Harry - Second rate psychic, he's still in love with his ex wife though she's growing an Native American out of her back.
- John Singing Rock - Medicine man who agrees to help fight the Manitou.
- Karen - Harry's ex wife who develops a tumor the back of her neck, only it turns out to be a fetus. (Yes, ewwwww.)
- Amy and Mac - She was the one who tried to teach Harry spiritualism, Mac is her husband.
- Dr. Hughes - Specialist in tumors who doesn't believe in Indian spirits until one bites his hand.
- Dr. Snow - Burgess Meredith of all people, a professor who studies ancient cultures and does some Kentucky Fried Chicken commercials on the side.
- Misquamacas - The most powerful medicine man to ever live, he's returned in the body of a midget to destroy the white man.
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Imagine for a moment that you've got a strange bump on the back of your neck. Now imagine it's growing at an astounding rate. As a final insult you find out it's not a tumor, but an Indian medicine man being reborn! (At this point you wake up sweating and probably swear off tequila.)
What I'm trying to get at is the plot of this movie my friends, it's all about a very unhappy shaman being reborn from an enormous pimple on Karen's neck. You'll actually spend about forty minutes of the film learning that, stand by for plenty of silly dialog. Harry isn't quite ready to be a father so he looks up Dr. Snow, after ten minutes of Colonel Sanders spouting nonsense he's off to find a medicine man who can help.
By now it should be clear how John Singing Rock ends up in a hospital (in a skyscraper no less) fighting superimposed lizards, blizzards of grated coconut, and one very mad Manitou. Fighting is a harsh word, mostly it's John whacking ceremonial paddles together and chanting at Misquamacas. The Manitou gets to do all the neat stuff, ripping people's skin off and freezing the entire floor they're on (including the nurse, it's great when Harry is knocked into her and she shatters).
The protagonists play their last card, turning on all the computers in the building so John can channel their power and defeat Misquamacas. It doesn't work, but just when you think all is lost Karen jumps up (her top inexplicably sliding off) and zaps both the evil medicine man and Satan into pyrotechnics heaven. What should amaze you the most is every character in this movie delivers their lines with complete sincerity. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Psychics can predict heartburn.
- Beer is best served in a wine glass.
- Nothing fixes failed marriages like a fetus growing out of your neck.
- Never draw the death tarot around an old lady.
- Levitation is the number one cause of injuries among the elderly.
- No matter where you go in San Francisco you'll travel over the Golden Gate bridge.
- Walls are natural spirit barriers.
- Medicine men like the air conditioning on high.
- Coconut makes very convincing snow. (Hehehe!)
- Typewriters have souls.
- Defeating the Devil looks much like the ending of a Doctor Who episode.
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- 4 mins - I want to watch a movie, not five darn minutes of opening credits.
- 6 mins - Some dramatic foreshadowing with that background poster...
- 12 mins - Not disco music, arrrggghhh!
- 34 mins - Is she having an orgasm or something?
- 40 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A TABLE!
- 65 mins - John, that's more of a half circle, notice the wall breaking your circle? Stupid second rate medicine man...
- 82 mins - How about taking him to a treatment room, not somebody's office you bunch of goofs.
- 87 mins - Meanwhile, on the set of "Earthquake."
- 95 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | manitou1.wav
| Amy: "I am calling on any spirit who can help us. I am calling on any spirit who can guide us."
| | manitou2.wav
| Harry: "Dr. Hughes called you and told you that the tumor on her neck is definitely a fetus."
| | manitou3.wav
| Dr. Snow: "Just assume for a moment sir that this woman - she's a young woman?"
Harry: "Yeah, a young woman."
Dr. Snow: "Just assume that she has a problem. Now, assume also this problem has to do with Indian magic. Well, my God, son, you do have one hell of a problem!"
| | manitou4.wav
| John Singing Rock: "The machine's manitous won't come, it's white man's medicine. Harry, they won't come."
| | Theme Song | Listen to a clip from the soundtrack. | |
| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | manitou1.mpg
- 1.9m
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| Karen has just woken up and is calling on the white man's magic to defeat Satan. Computers have souls and those spirits can give you the power to fire particle beams from your palms!
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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