MOSQUITO
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1994 Skeeters Limited Partnership
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- Parks - Scientist who works for the Air Force, his entire job is gathering meteorites.
- Meg - Petite (Biology?) student who is eager to be a park ranger. Considering she can't recognize a sixty pound mosquito, the future is dim.
- Ray - Meg's studmuffin, he spends most of his free time threatening Earl.
- Earl - Gunnar Hansen! A violent bank robber who suddenly is born again and just wants to save humanity, ends up about three feet from a gas main explosion.
- Hendricks - Annoying and goofy park ranger, presumed very dead.
- Junior - Slow witted kin to Earl, he goes back for the bag of cash and becomes a tasty snack.
- Rex - Extremely slow witted (Worse than Junior!) cousin to Earl and Rex, shot by accident.
- A whole lot of campers, fishermen, and park rangers - Poor prospects for the next Red Cross Blood Drive.
- The Mosquitos - Giant versions of the common pest, I'm talking Saint Bernard with wings here, mutated after drinking alien blood.
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| Here is one of those films that I first caught at around 0100 on USA, it stayed with me and you can imagine the joy when a DVD release was announced. Despite having some sections with truly awful effects, whenever a number of mosquitos are flying it reverts to animation reminiscent of "Creepshow," the monsters themselves are fine looking constructs and explode in a satisfying shower of sparks (I dunno why sparks either, but it's amusing.) and goo when blasted. The film begins with an alien spacecraft buzzing Earth, after dispatching a smaller ship it blasts off. Meanwhile the shuttle or landing craft takes a wrong turn at the stratosphere and crashes into a swamp. It's pilot only manages to open the hatch and dangle one arm out before expiring. (Considering alien's manifest problems in exiting their craft you'd expect some design changes.) Hungry mosquitos soon cluster on the exposed visitor's skin and feast on the mutagenic fluids... ...which returns us to the park, where Ray and Meg's vehicle collides with one of the huge insects. Both hop out and look dumbly at it, "Huh, must be a bird or something." Excuse me? A bird? This provides a convenient reason for them to meet Parks, then Hendricks, then Earl and Junior. Those last two don't fit in very well at first, but when you're boarded up in a house under siege by giant mosquitos it's nice to have Gunner Hansen on chainsaw. Junior doesn't stay around very long thank goodness, hopefully he didn't leave any kids behind to pollute the gene pool either. Now there's a horror story, the progeny of Junior and his unwashed, snaggle toothed, wife (1st cousins.) plague West Virginia... |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Aliens are behind humans in the field of insect repellent technology.
- Girls only play volleyball in bikinis.
- Pesticide does not make a hotdog taste better.
- Huge mosquitos are hell on ceiling fans.
- Before discarding the dead guy you might want to check his pants for keys to the RV.
- On a deserted country road, in the middle of the night, never, ever, ever stop for the lunatic wearing camouflage pants.
- It's difficult to drive with sixty pound bugs hitting the windshield.
- Having your guts sucked out will turn your eyes into ping pong balls and make them pop out of your skull.
- Sweaty clothing is easily set on fire with a lighter.
- One can not expect to repair a modern geiger counter using only a flathead screwdriver. What you can do is convert it into a timed detonator.
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- 1 min - An alien spacecraft. Never a good thing for us Earthlings...
- 5 mins - Um, that's the largest insect since the Cretaceous Mrs. Biologist.
- 15 mins - Exactly who built the outhouse there? Let's see, "I'm miles from anywhere, it's a meadow on the edge of deep forest, I think I'll build an outhouse..." ...yeah, that's what happened.
- 23 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 25 mins - The mosquito is stabbing her butt! Hehehe!
- 43 mins - Special effects!
- 57 mins - Did you guys soak your clothes in kerosene or something?
- 62 mins - Hey Meg, is it cold out here?
- 67 mins - Gunnar has a chainsaw, something is going to die.
- 84 mins - Say, doesn't that fridge look cozy?
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | mosquito1.wav
| Meg: "I don't think this is a bird, Ray. It looks more like...some kind of bug!"
| | mosquito2.wav
| Parks: "This is unbelievable."
Ray: "No it's not Doc, it's aliens and they're everywhere and that guy's obviously been zapped."
Meg: "Ray, this is serious."
Ray: "I am serious..."
| | mosquito3.wav
| Hendricks: "Well ugly, it looks like those mosquitos got themselves some dinner."
Junior: "Hey man, you can't just leave us here with those things. They got my cousin, they nearly got me!"
Hendricks: "Shut up!"
| | mosquito4.wav
| Parks: "Yeah, it's just as I suspected, those mosquitos are making these bodies radioactive!"
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | mosquito1.mpg
- 2.8m
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| I guess we can all agree that having Junior's eyeballs pop out of his head when the mosquito starts siphoning off his vital fluids is pretty B, but that's what you are here for isn't it? Isn't it?
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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