|ROCK 'N' ROLL NIGHTMARE
|Copyright 1987 Thunder Films Inc.
| Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
- John Triton - John Mikl Thor! It's Thor! Quiet and unassuming lead singer of the band until he reveals his true nature.
- Randy - John's woman. Demon fodder.
- Stig and Lou Anne - He has an amazingly horrid Australian accent, she's the bitch of the group. Both are taken by demons.
- Max and Dee Dee - Two goofballs who have been waiting for just the right chance to jump in the sack. She's pretty attractive, from the neck down. A demonic little kid takes care of them.
- Roger and Mary - Recent newlyweds and oh boy are they annoying about it. Mr. and Mrs. Goody Two Shoes get eaten by a demon in the kitchen.
- Phil - Nerdy manager of the band, a fake version of Lou Anne gets naked then chews his shoulder off. For some odd reason he's not in the credits?
- Four Groupies - Girls who show up to, um, socialize with the band. Presumed demon kibble.
- Satan - Lord of Hell who also owns this small farmhouse outside Toronto. Defeated by Thor!
|Any movie produced by the lead singer of a regional rock band is going to be interesting my friends. Particularly so when that guy's name is Thor! (Hehehe!) We start off the story with a seemingly unrelated short where a housewife is eaten by her stove. After that, treat of treats, one is allowed to watch a van driving down the road for about five minutes, but finally the vehicle arrives at the very same farmhouse where mom was cooked and out steps Thor! (Yes, every time you see that name there will be an exclamation mark on the end.) David Lee Roth's more girthful twin has transported his band to this secluded farmhouse to kindle their artistic spirit. That fails miserably, not entirely due to their deaths either. Evil forces in the house consume Triton's band one by one, sometimes two at a time, but you know what I mean. In case you're wondering, Dee Dee is the only female who actually plays in the band, the other girls are just along for the ride. I'm a little confused about Dee Dee, on one hand - she has a nice body, on the other - her face scares me. (Plus she kisses like Liv Tyler.) Where were we? Oh yes, everyone except Thor! has been eaten. Randy, who is actually Satan at this point, wanders up to him and transforms into true form. Just in case the previous seventy minutes of silliness wasn't enough, Thor! jumps up and transforms into his true form! He's an archangel! Who wears lots of hairspray and a studded thong! And all those "people" Satan just finished killing? They were "shadows" created by the angel to lure him out! "Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare" tends to give me the giggles and after a group of us watched it someone even mentioning "Thor!" would turn us all into laughing idiots.|
|Things I Learned From This Movie:|| |
- Housewives lead pretty dangerous lives in Canada, one out of one will be killed in an unfortunate accident involving the oven.
- To emphasize a point women grab their breasts. (It's like underlining words in a sentence.)
- Woman love to do the dishes.
- Newlyweds are damn annoying.
- Australian guys never take their sunglasses off, even for sex.
- Never keep leftovers too long in a haunted house.
- Thor! naked is a very bad thing.
- If you create "shadows" of people to lure Satan out and have sex with one it must not be masturbation. (Anyone? Catholics?)
- John Mikl Thor is an archangel.
- Divinities wear lots of eyeliner.
- 10 mins - Let's do something, I for one am tired of watching this van drive down the road.
- 13 mins - Can anyone in this movie act? I know
- 24 mins - That's a sock puppet, I cannot believe they used a sock puppet.
- 27 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 36 mins - When Mogwai attack.
- 45 mins - This demon is not all bad; he turned off the music.
- 51 mins - I thought he said the lake was private? It's about a hundred yards from the house and in the middle of a field!
- 52 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 57 mins - Not Thor! naked, arggghhh...ugh, moles! Help!
- 58 mins - The mechanics of these two having sex like this (you'd have to see the scene) is mind boggling.
- 65 mins - Man, would I ever like to have a nice, refreshing, delicious Coca-Cola right now.
- 74 mins - Somebody is throwing rubber starfish things at Thor!, and he is catching them and then acting like they are stuck to his chest!
| ||Audio clips in wav format||SOUNDS||Starving actors speak out|| |
||John: "So, how do you like your rooms?" |
Mary: "It's just wonderful John, really great!"
Roger: "There's no place we'd rather spend our honeymoon than with the band."
||Mary: "I'm sure Phil's not dead or anything, or he would have called."
||Possessed Randy: "Enough John." |
John: "What are you talking about Randy?"
Possessed Randy: "We have to stop pretending, the guys won't be coming back, they're dead."
||John: "I'll see you again, Old Scratch!"
|Theme Song|| Listen to a clip from the soundtrack. |
| ||Click for a larger image||IMAGES||Scenes from the movie|| |
| ||Watch a scene||VIDEO||MPEG video files|| |
|I want you to understand the sort of film you are going to rent if this review piqued your interest. Watch in amazement as evil starfish attack Thor!, not that someone is tossing these things at him from off camera.
| ||Leave a comment||EXTRAS||Buy the movie|| |