SWITCHBLADE SISTERS
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1975
| | Reviewed by Rob
on 'a long time ago' |
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- Maggie - The cute leader of the Jezebels who looks like the Catholic school girl type, but is actually a street-wise bad ass.
- Lace - Leader of the Dagger Debs, she secretly plots against Maggie once she finds out she sleeps with Dominic. She carries his baby until an unfortunate attack by a rival gang. Eventually gets a switchblade through the throat.
- Dominic - Like Fonzie on steroids, this guy is the leader of the male version of the Dagger Debs. Sleeps with both Lace and Maggie and fathers Lace's unborn child. Gets blown away.
- Patch - Evil bitch who is in cahoots with Lace's plans. Doesn't know when to say when.
- Donut - Overweight girl who is the butt (no pun intended) of Lace's jokes, she gets respect from Maggie and learns to stand up for herself.
- Crabs - Evil gang leader who likes to rape women and sell drugs to kids and who has a fetish for a cheese-dick necklace he owns. Gets blown away by Patch.
- Muff - Partially responsible for ass-whoopin' the cops out of her turf. She is recruited by Maggie and the Jezebels to help ass-whoop Crab's gang.
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I watched this movie once because Quentin Tarantino claims it as one of his favorites. After watching it, I look back at such a great director as Tarantino and ask, "What in the name of God's Almighty BALLS was he smoking?"
The movie starts off with the Dagger Debs, a bunch of young gang-banger girls in the seventies who do quite a number on a corrupt landlord. Afterwards, they go to a burger place (or some fast food restaurant) and find a sweet-looking girl named Maggie sitting where they normally sit. They instigate a fight with her, but she knocks Patch on her ass. Before they can do the same to Maggie, her and each of the Dagger Debs are arrested.
Inside the institution they are taken to, Maggie helps them each to fight against their captors, and the Debs accept her, asking her to join. In order to join, Maggie has to do something to prove something to them, so she goes to steal the necklace of Crabs, the leader of a rival gang.
Lace, the Debs' leader, becomes a good friend with Maggie, and even tells her about the baby she's carrying under her boyfriend, Dominic. Unfortunately, that gets shattered when Dominic sleeps with Maggie. Once Lace finds out, she wants Maggie dead, and forms plans to do so.
One plan takes place inside a roller-coaster ring in a face-off against Guido's gang, but the only result is Dominic getting gunned down and Lace losing her baby. Following this, Maggie names their gang the Jezebels, and an all-out attack is made against Crabs's gang using the help of a militant woman named Muff. Crabs gets gunned down by Patch before he can reveal to Maggie who's behind everything.
Later, Lace decides to face off with Maggie herself, but gets a switchblade through the throat. Maggie's new gang, the Jezebels, then each get arrested. God, this movie was bad. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Gangs look up their names in dictionaries.
- Never trust a woman with a patch over one eye.
- Cute girls' bellybuttons shouldn't be used as ashtrays.
- Female officers who work in institutes for young women are always open lesbians.
- "Jezebel" means a disagreeable woman.
- Police wait for gang members to kill each other off before moving in.
- Getting your expensive suit cut up and spray-painted by gang members - really sucks.
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- 2 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A CORPORATE DEVELOPER!
- 5 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A GIRL'S EYE SOCKET!
- 10 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A LESBIAN INSTITUTE OFFICER!
- 20 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!
- 25 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A GANG LEADER!
- 30 mins - So that's what "jezebel" means.
- 35 mins - I see how the cops got chased away.
- 60 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST ANOTHER GANG LEADER!
- 70 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST GIRL'S BELLYBUTTON!
- 80 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN EX-GANG MEMBER!
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