Badmovies.org Forum

Aside from being a play on the 'I has a bucket' threads, and giving Andrew another reason to say 'why me', there is actually a theme to this thread.

The axiom of this thread is 'if you have a penis, you must like..._____'. [fill in the blank]

There is no political correctness here, this is simply a thread about the things guys like (feel free to chime in any way you wish, ladies).


If you have a penis, you must like cars.

From ultimate gearheads to basement dwelling geeks (yeah...got something to say?), guys simply have a thing for cars. Whether it be the latest import tuners, classic cars, muscle cars, rods, concept cars, etc., guys get a hard-on when it comes to cars.

I was once at a dealership, making my way to the sales office, when I heard several of the salesmen oohing and ahhing about something. When I stepped into the door of the sales manager's office, several of them were sitting there looking at a calendar. As they flipped each page, they went into a frenzy, followed by comments like 'she's a beaut', 'nice body', etc. I walked my way around to spy the calendar, expecting to see a playboy calendar, and instead seeing a car calendar.

My favorite cars are from the classic muscle car period of the late 60s and early 70s. I am rather fond of Mopar, with such models as:

The Cuda
(http://img66.imageshack.us/img66/44/1971plymouthcuda340ij0.jpg)


The Dodge Challenger, and another Cuda
(http://img66.imageshack.us/img66/6474/challengercudahv5.jpg)


Dodge Superbee
(http://img510.imageshack.us/img510/2259/superbeeon0.jpg)


Plymouth Superbird
(http://img66.imageshack.us/img66/1614/superbirdtu1.jpg)


These are real mean machines, not some p***y cars like what you find in movies like The Fast and the Furious (the piece of crap version with Vin Diesel).


What cars do you like?

Or

Start another 'If you have a penis, you must like..._____'.

So, this is a "guys only" thread eh?

OK...
If you have a penis, you'll like Maxim's Hometown Hotties Contest (http://www.maximonline.com/hotties/semi_voting_gallery_2007.aspx)
(if you don't then you're officially gay...not that there's anything wrong with that)   :teddyr:

The girl I think is the most beautiful out of all of the women on that page?
This chick (http://www.maximonline.com/hotties/semi_profile_2007.aspx?id=22320)
(http://img400.imageshack.us/img400/3729/sexypicture22320l1ux0.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)

This girl (http://www.maximonline.com/hotties/semi_profile_2007.aspx?id=19090) runs a close second.
(http://img400.imageshack.us/img400/254/sexypicture19090l1kj9.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)

You may disagree.
Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Quote from: Ash on July 05, 2007, 10:36:59 AM
If you have a penis, you'll like Maxim's Hometown Hotties Contest (http://www.maximonline.com/hotties/semi_voting_gallery_2007.aspx)
(if you don't then you're officially gay...not that there's anything wrong with that)   :teddyr:

What's wrong Ash? Don't like naked women?

Maxim and Stuff magazines, and the American version of FHM, are for boys who can't handle naked women. Here's a concept: stand a beautiful woman in front of a camera and snap her picture; that's about as creative as their photographers get.

Not that there's anything wrong with sexy poses, as I used to make a living photographing women that way, and they do get creative ever once in a while in Maxim and Stuff, but bikini and lingerie shots are tepid compared to what Playboy and Penthouse has to offer.

Stuff and Maxim remind me of an episode of Happy Days where Richie and company are trying to get something on Richie's opposition in the run for some college elected position. While going through this guy's stuff in his room, they come across a men's magazine. Potsie begins looking at the magazine and comments on one particular picture 'boy, wouldn't you like to see those in a sweater', to which Ralph just rolls his eyes.

Stuff and Maxim are for Potsie's who want to see them in a sweater.

If you have a penis, you must like naked women.

If you prefer your women dressed, you're a Potsie. :tongueout:

In addition to chicks, guys like blowing stuff up.  Even if it is just ladyfinger firecrackers, explosions are cool.

QuoteIn addition to chicks, guys like blowing stuff up.  Even if it is just ladyfinger firecrackers, explosions are cool.

The bigger the better(explosions).

Quote from: flackbait on July 05, 2007, 02:55:49 PM

QuoteIn addition to chicks, guys like blowing stuff up.  Even if it is just ladyfinger firecrackers, explosions are cool.

The bigger the better(explosions).

Just see my motto below  :smile:

Okay, so how many of you have ACTUALLY blown anything up?   :teddyr:

Quote from: ulthar on July 05, 2007, 04:37:03 PM
Okay, so how many of you have ACTUALLY blown anything up?   :teddyr:

Do I get to answer that one?

I think you have some of the usual suspects for me:  attractive women, classic muscle cars, tools, firearms, swords, and b-movies (not that I'm saying anything about Susan and the other ladies who stop by).

Need to find this original picture and have it rescanned:

(http://www.badmovies.org/common/forum/67_camaro.jpg)


The kitchen I built for our house in GA (I was cleaning up when Katie took the picture).  The cabinets were built entirely from rough oak and walnut (all hardwood, no plywood) in my workshop with my tools:

(http://www.badmovies.org/common/forum/cabinets_2003.jpg)

(http://www.badmovies.org/common/forum/cabinet_mortis1.jpg)


My drop holster with my knife attached.  That is a Mission MPT knife, which actually survived being used to cut through the side of a (wooden) building and being used as a prybar.  That and my Busse Satin Jack Tac are my two hard use knives.  I don't have safe queens:

(http://www.badmovies.org/common/forum/mpt_iraq.jpg)

I've got a late one that is an addition from the wife, caused by my viewing of "Ghost Ships of the Blind Dead" last night:  Italian Zombie Films.  Apparently, liking them is something unique to men. 

Yes, I tried to explain to her that they were undead Templars, not zombies...

I haven't met too many young women into classic black and white movies like I am, especially not drive-in B-Movies like HOT ROD GIRL, I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF, etc.. Older women yes but not so much with those my own age and younger.

Ash, any gal into the Ramones is cool by me.

My wife will watch almost anything with me. It may be from the 30's or from last year, and she'll sit with me and give it a look...except any zombie movie featuring flesh-eating zombies.  Especially if it is an Italian zombie movie. Then she flat out refuses to even look at the screen. Oh, and she hates subtitled films. She cannot see that small text too well and cannot read very fast, so it annoys her.

As for cars, I have never really been into them or been that fascinated by them. I see them more as a tool to get me from point A to point B. Sure, I want to keep my tool clean and in good working order, but I don't need the flashiest one on the market.  :teddyr:

 I like to blow stuff up! Once,years ago when I was even stupider and more impulsive than I am now (if that's possible), me and a buddy made a homemad bomb kinda thing outta a Large Pill bottle and some black powder. We went to a dump,Lit it and placed an old wash basin over it ! POW!!!! It blew real far up into the air! It was cool.  :smile:
I like to smash stuff too. I had an old 1984 Cadillac,and I thought I had blown the heads,because it wouldn't go over 10 miles an hour....so I sold it to a junkyard...but not before I got drunk and took a  tire iron and smashed every piece of glass on it! Here's the kicker....it wasn't the engine at all...it was simply the catalactic converter.  :bluesad: Needless to say...I felt like quite the dumbass.

When I was a kid, I took a common garden toad and tied him to two bottle rockets with a combined fuse and sent him about 200 feet into the air . . . then my GI Joe parachute wafted him safely back down into the lake, where he was smart enough to swim to the OPPOSITE shore from me ... I bet he told his little toadie grandkids about that ride! :teddyr:

Quote'if you have a penis, you must like..._____'.

Old cars
Power equipment
Babes
Power tools
Hunting
Fishing
Babes
Grilling
Pit Smoking
Building stuff
Babes
Tearing stuff up
Blowing Stuff up ... (yes I have a friend in the demolition biz ... we use dynamite.)
Babes
Big dogs
Big TV's
Big Stereos
Babes
and some other stuff ...
 

I smashed up practically every toy I had as a kid. And to tell the truth, it may just have been the most fun I ever had with any of it.  :bouncegiggle:

As a kid I loved to play with the boys, slide down rocky cliffs on a board and leap off the roof. I've put down wood flooring, and i mean the bucket and glue kind. Retiled flooring as any type of home remodeling i enjoy, rewired stuff just to see what happens which led me to figuring out how to hook up my stereo system to my DVD player. F*ck surround sound, i've got my 1988 techics speakers and a bucketload of bass. I love b-movies and can tune up my own car better than my ex ever could.

maybe all i'm missing is a penis

Quote from: Susan on July 05, 2007, 09:15:24 PM
As a kid I loved to play with the boys, slide down rocky cliffs on a board and leap off the roof. I've put down wood flooring, and i mean the bucket and glue kind. Retiled flooring as any type of home remodeling i enjoy, rewired stuff just to see what happens which led me to figuring out how to hook up my stereo system to my DVD player. F*ck surround sound, i've got my 1988 techics speakers and a bucketload of bass. I love b-movies and can tune up my own car better than my ex ever could.

maybe all i'm missing is a penis

Dam.  :bluesad: Sounds like your penis is bigger than mine.... :bluesad:

Quote from: Susan on July 05, 2007, 09:15:24 PM

maybe all i'm missing is a penis

I'm not even going to touch that one ....

Quote from: Susan on July 05, 2007, 09:15:24 PM
I've put down wood flooring...

I've put down others on this board. Didn't make mine grow though.  :bluesad:

If we all want to be real men then we should meet for the annual Big Wheel race on Easter Sunday next spring. There can only be one winner.

Quote from: RCMerchant on July 05, 2007, 06:14:41 PM
I like to blow stuff up! Once,years ago when I was even stupider and more impulsive than I am now (if that's possible), me and a buddy made a homemad bomb kinda thing outta a Large Pill bottle and some black powder. We went to a dump,Lit it and placed an old wash basin over it ! POW!!!! It blew real far up into the air! It was cool.  :smile:

Reminds me of my friends and I blowing up our plastic cars with cherry bombs...

Quote from: RCMerchant on July 05, 2007, 06:14:41 PM
I like to smash stuff too. I had an old 1984 Cadillac,and I thought I had blown the heads,because it wouldn't go over 10 miles an hour....so I sold it to a junkyard...but not before I got drunk and took a  tire iron and smashed every piece of glass on it! Here's the kicker....it wasn't the engine at all...it was simply the catalactic converter.  :bluesad: Needless to say...I felt like quite the dumbass.

The last bit about the Caddy I can relate to...  :drink:

'if you have a penis, you must like...to smash sh*t mindlessly, even to your own detriment. [fill in the blank]

Quote from: RCMerchant on July 05, 2007, 09:28:51 PM

Dam.  Sounds like your penis is bigger than mine....

:teddyr: :teddyr: :teddyr: :teddyr:

Karma for you for the funniest laugh-out-loud thing I've read IN A LONG TIME. 

I mentioned chicks and Andrew mentioned firearms...

Even better...  Put them together and you get: 

Chicks Who Love Guns  :thumbup:
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPR60EqF_2o

Shooting snakes at the river or lake, throwing  bottle rockets at each other, me and my brother incinerating little green army men with our home made lighter fluid flame thrower (and watch my brothers eyebrows and hair getting singed),  my brother starting a campfire by dousing a bale of hay with gasoline and setting it off, hauling ass down dirt back roads and jumping those little wooden bridges with the old Studebacker.


Ahhh those were the days! 

Making really big things count?
I once made a 60 pound sledge hammer in metals class. It's a 20 lb steel bar with a 40 lb steel head. And yes I can lift and swing it.

Quote from: flackbait on July 06, 2007, 10:43:51 AM
Making really big things count?
I once made a 60 pound sledge hammer in metals class. It's a 20 lb steel bar with a 40 lb steel head. And yes I can lift and swing it.

Remember a few months ago when you mentioned that the other students in your metals class nicknamed you "Thor" and you weren't sure why?  I might have an answer for you.

Would you like to hear it?

:smile:

I like dreaming about buying stuff like this:

(http://shop.callawaygolf.com/images/products/drivers/ft-i-tour/1.jpg)

and this:

(http://shop.callawaygolf.com/images/products/irons/x-forged/1.jpg)

And of course, any movie with boobs in it.

QuoteRemember a few months ago when you mentioned that the other students in your metals class nicknamed you "Thor" and you weren't sure why?  I might have an answer for you.

Would you like to hear it?

I'd like to think I was joking, but I probably completely forgot about the hammer. My memory can be odd at times.

Quote from: flackbait on July 06, 2007, 01:56:36 PM

I'd like to think I was joking, but I probably completely forgot about the hammer. My memory can be odd at times.

I was being completely facetious.  The thought of you making a 60 lb hammer put me into a humorous mood.  You've never mentioned being called "Thor" before that I can remember.  I do make my wife call me "Thor" sometimes.  She calls out, "Thor!" I respond, "The God of THUNDER!" and then I **CENSORED**

I has a penis, therefore:

I like any big action movie with tons of explosions.

I love cars.  I don't care what kind.  I have an eclectic taste in cars as I do music.  Much like Menard though, I prefer the old Mopars.  "It's Mopar, Or No Car!".  Would love to have a early/mid 60s Barracuda before they became the muscle car that they were in the late 60s/early 70s.  You never see many of them around.

I love anything electronic.  I don't care what it is or what it does, but I sure want it.

I'm a pretty good marksman.  I've never been hunting but if a pepsi can is trying to attack me then I can take it down pretty easily.

I love loud music.  I have blown many sets of speakers in my cars over the years.

I love explosions, as mentioned earlier.  I'll never forget making bombs out of empty 2 liter bottles filled with Sno-Bol and balls of tinfoil, back in high school.  Not only did that stuff smell awful upon exploding, but it also makes a pretty good bang.

Quote from: Susan on July 05, 2007, 09:15:24 PM
Arewired stuff just to see what happens which led me to figuring out how to hook up my stereo system to my DVD player. F*ck surround sound, i've got my 1988 techics speakers and a bucketload of bass.

Susan!  I actually have a makeshift surround sound system setup in my home office.  I have my various game consoles and DVD player running into a 10 year old Aiwa unit that is hooked up to two floor standing Technic speakers that date back to the late 80s.  I got them from my father when he tried to throw them in the dump about ten years ago or so.  At one time they were hooked up in the back of my car in lieu of back speakers.  Now, they serve well for the surround sound.

And I thought I was the only one that actually owned a pair of Technics anymore...

QuoteI was being completely facetious.  The thought of you making a 60 lb hammer put me into a humorous mood.  You've never mentioned being called "Thor" before that I can remember.  I do make my wife call me "Thor" sometimes.  She calls out, "Thor!" I respond, "The God of THUNDER!" and then I **CENSORED**

I'm guillible and have a poor memory, what more can I say.
I still laughed though. :thumbup:

Quote from: flackbait on July 06, 2007, 04:43:55 PM
I'm guillible and have a poor memory, what more can I say.
I still laughed though. :thumbup:

Flack, so you're saying you've forgotten the $100 you owe me?

Quote from: raj on July 06, 2007, 07:38:26 PM

Quote from: flackbait on July 06, 2007, 04:43:55 PM
I'm guillible and have a poor memory, what more can I say.
I still laughed though. :thumbup:

Flack, so you're saying you've forgotten the $100 you owe me?

Don't worry I send it to you tommorow. :teddyr:

Karma to Susan just for being a female who 's into B-movies and other stuff guys love.  :thumbup:

Quote from: JaseSF on July 06, 2007, 09:24:08 PM
Karma to Susan just for being a female who 's into B-movies and other stuff guys love.  :thumbup:

Does that mean she's a lesbian too? :twirl:

Changing the game a little.


If you have a penis, then you cried...

• At the end of Field of Dreams
• At the end of Vanishing Point
• At the end of Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry
• When Harve says a tearful farewell to his El Camino in Nash Bridges
• When the Dukes of Hazzard was cancelled
• When Anne Heche announced she was no longer a lesbian

Add your own to the list.

...if you chased your  sister around the yard with a spider in your hand!
...if your idea of a date with a girl is sitting on your backporch playing speedmetal and drinking whiskey
...if you make barfing noises when the wifey turns the TV Channel to one of her 'girly' shows
...you can pay for a copy of Hustler magazine with pride,but will not buy your wifes Tampons.
...if you stop while walking down the road to check out the freash  roadkill.

If, after using a computer at work to post a birthday greeting for your wife, a coworker asks as you consider the threads in off topic discussion "Does that really say I HAS A PENIS ?" and you answer proudly "Why yes, it certainly does". :bouncegiggle:

Quote from: DENNIS on July 07, 2007, 02:12:44 PM
If, after using a computer at work to post a birthday greeting for your wife, a coworker asks as you consider the threads in off topic discussion "Does that really say I HAS A PENIS ?" and you answer proudly "Why yes, it certainly does". :bouncegiggle:

I can provide a lot more...uhm...proud moments for a work environment; much to Andrew's horror. :teddyr:

Quote from: Skaboi on July 06, 2007, 04:38:51 PM

Susan!  I actually have a makeshift surround sound system setup in my home office.  I have my various game consoles and DVD player running into a 10 year old Aiwa unit that is hooked up to two floor standing Technic speakers that date back to the late 80s.  I got them from my father when he tried to throw them in the dump about ten years ago or so.  At one time they were hooked up in the back of my car in lieu of back speakers.  Now, they serve well for the surround sound.

And I thought I was the only one that actually owned a pair of Technics anymore...

OMG i will NEVER give up my technics speakers, they are the BEST quality speakers. Granted not pretty with their feaux wood and snap on covers and being monsters, but they never let me down in sound quality.  I had a couple others which were crap, the best part of the whole story is i have the stereo system (stereo, tape player and cd player) they came with. I just can't let them go. You find good quality and you shouldn't. My parents still have their stereo (circa 1975??) with turntable with great quality.  The day i figured out how to hook it up to my dvd/tv was the best day of my freaking life...lol  I have to admit they sound much better than some surrond sound systems i've heard, and when i watch kong, kong is in the room with me....i can feel the tremor of his feet and feel the vibration of the grass moving.

Quote from: Menard on July 06, 2007, 10:18:50 PM

Quote from: JaseSF on July 06, 2007, 09:24:08 PM
Karma to Susan just for being a female who 's into B-movies and other stuff guys love.  :thumbup:

Does that mean she's a lesbian too? :twirl:

I was going to totally put a post-script on my message that said "All that and i'm not a lesbian!"

only because i know it's such a stereotype. Yep, there are straight girls who aren't butch or lesbians that like guy stuff too!


Sorry to disappoint  :lookingup:

Quote from: Susan on July 07, 2007, 06:19:03 PM

Quote from: Menard on July 06, 2007, 10:18:50 PM

Quote from: JaseSF on July 06, 2007, 09:24:08 PM
Karma to Susan just for being a female who 's into B-movies and other stuff guys love.  :thumbup:

Does that mean she's a lesbian too? :twirl:

I was going to totally put a post-script on my message that said "All that and i'm not a lesbian!"

only because i know it's such a stereotype. Yep, there are straight girls who aren't butch or lesbians that like guy stuff too!


Sorry to disappoint  :lookingup:

Absolutely true, Poogie grew up with 3 older brothers, so she's always liked guy stuff, hiking/backpacking/camping, fishing, shooting, archery, she's also handy with tools, is good at putting down floor tiles, and is a good carpenter too, and she's definitely not a lesbian

For no apparent reason this thought just occurred to me, "If all homosexual men are gay, are all homosexual women sad ?"

Quote from: DENNIS on July 07, 2007, 06:52:18 PM

Absolutely true, Poogie grew up with 3 older brothers, so she's always liked guy stuff, hiking/backpacking/camping, fishing, shooting, archery, she's also handy with tools, is good at putting down floor tiles, and is a good carpenter too, and she's definitely not a lesbian

Susan, Poogie, that describes my wife, also.  Our first date was going shooting and our third was a 3 day camping trip in the Colorado Rockies in January.  Speaking of carpentry, she did a pretty good job today helping me cut and assembly rafters for the shed we are building the back yard.   :smile:

She's tom-boy-esque, but has feminine moments, too.  And she's not a lesbian, either.

If I was a girl,I would be a lesbian!  :twirl:

Susan, I'm sure some guys (a minority maybe but still) are actually happy to hear you're not a lesbian.  So if you're ever in Newfoundland, be sure to look me up  :wink:  :teddyr: .

Quote from: JaseSF on July 08, 2007, 12:01:20 AM
Susan, I'm sure some guys (a minority maybe but still) are actually happy to hear you're not a lesbian.

(http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Others/others-217.gif)

Quote from: JaseSF on July 08, 2007, 12:01:20 AMSo if you're ever in Newfoundland, be sure to look me up  :wink:  :teddyr: .

(Jase in action) (http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Others/kiss-boots-173.gif)

If you has a penis, you'll need one of these:

(http://img524.imageshack.us/img524/4904/mcgee2638sk1.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)

Quote from: Ash on July 08, 2007, 08:33:01 AM
If you has a penis, you'll need one of these:

(http://img524.imageshack.us/img524/4904/mcgee2638sk1.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)

That was a good find. :teddyr:

  I has a penis...but being married,I don't get to use it to often.    :bluesad:

Quote from: RCMerchant on July 08, 2007, 10:21:25 AM
  I has a penis...but being married,I don't get to use it to often.    :bluesad:

Hope this helps
(http://img407.imageshack.us/img407/9049/vacuumfl0.jpg)

Quote from: Menard on July 08, 2007, 10:31:42 AM

Quote from: RCMerchant on July 08, 2007, 10:21:25 AM
  I has a penis...but being married,I don't get to use it to often.    :bluesad:

Hope this helps
(http://img407.imageshack.us/img407/9049/vacuumfl0.jpg)

I'm like...5'2"...120 lbs....my whole BODY  could fit in that thing!   :bluesad:

RC,
Here's a great place you can go to shop:

(http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/2086/found11719we7.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)

Matter of fact, it'd be a great place to shop for all of us penis havers!   :teddyr:

 :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: Karma!!!

Quote from: RCMerchant on July 08, 2007, 10:51:25 AM
I'm like...5'2"...120 lbs....my whole BODY  could fit in that thing!   :bluesad:

Try this (it's smaller, and it comes with a smile on its face)
(http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/4162/henrybh7.jpg)

Quote from: Menard on July 08, 2007, 11:10:10 AM
Try this (it's smaller, and it comes with a smile on its face)
(http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/4162/henrybh7.jpg)

And its name is Henry!   :bouncegiggle:

Or would these work better?
(http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/9835/ohhenryimageje4.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)

Quote from: Ash on July 08, 2007, 11:14:06 AM


Or would these work better?
(http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/9835/ohhenryimageje4.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)

Yikes!  :buggedout:  Naw... I got's one of those Manhole Cover Locks!

I think these just might do the job... :tongueout:

(http://members.aol.com/big719og303tloc/gogogirls.jpg)

And Menard, if you really want to kiss my boots like that...well... :buggedout:... Yegads Man! What are you doing? Stop that!

RealDoll's (http://www.realdoll.com/intro.asp) are better:
(the above link is not safe for work!)

(http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/1425/82531903ff407d2a48fu4.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)

Too bad they cost over $5000.

Quote from: Ash on July 08, 2007, 11:29:39 AM
Too bad they cost over $5000.

That's less than a real woman costs. :teddyr:

Quote from: JaseSF on July 08, 2007, 11:25:36 AM
And Menard, if you really want to kiss my boots like that...well... :buggedout:... Yegads Man! What are you doing? Stop that!

I have modified the reply just slightly. (http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Tongue/mockery-022.gif)

Come on, we all know that's really more your thing.  :bouncegiggle:

Quote from: JaseSF on July 08, 2007, 11:42:46 AM
Come on, we all know that's really more your thing.  :bouncegiggle:

If a woman were a boot...yeah...I'd be all over that boot.  :twirl:

Quote from: Ash on July 08, 2007, 11:29:39 AM
RealDoll's (http://www.realdoll.com/intro.asp) are better:
(the above link is not safe for work!)

(http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/1425/82531903ff407d2a48fu4.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)

Too bad they cost over $5000.

YOOWIE!!!! I wonder...if you invested in a  bunch of these...would it be illegal to...like...rent them out like video games?  :question: I wouldn't want the job of cleaning them up after,though!   :bluesad:

   I think this post is about gutter level now.... :lookingup:

Quote from: RCMerchant on July 08, 2007, 11:54:38 AM
   I think this post is about gutter level now.... :lookingup:

Oh no...it ain't sunk to my level...yet (http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Laughing/lol-065.gif)

QuoteI think this post is about gutter level now....

What makes you think that?  :teddyr:

Quote from: RCMerchant on July 08, 2007, 11:54:38 AM
YOOWIE!!!! I wonder...if you invested in a  bunch of these...would it be illegal to...like...rent them out like video games?  :question: I wouldn't want the job of cleaning them up after,though!   :bluesad:

Same difference.

Either way, video games or dolls, it's as close as that crowd will get to a real woman. (http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Happy/happy-073.gif)

Maybe me think CHERRY 2000 isn't too far off in reality.  :teddyr:

You know that sucky sound the crud in the deep sink makes right before it goes swirling down the drain?  The same sound is emanating from this thread right now!
"Realdolls"?


Yeesh.

Oh...this thread can definitely go lower!

How many of you had this as a kid?

(http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/6875/foundpornarticle21262hs0.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)

I guess after your tired of Pulling Cock around you could patch it up with ....

(http://www.needletins.co.uk/postcards/postcardpics/cockfight20.jpg)

And after you got sewed up, you could check out:

(http://img164.imageshack.us/img164/6969/foundpornarticle51265gl8.jpg) (http://imageshack.us)

Need that warm cozy Campbell's soup feeling inside? 
(http://a901.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/80/l_dd8d364f3fc1160b7c634082edf3f964.jpg)

Penis movies?

Would it be appropriate to call movies, oriented to the things guys like, penis movies?


Die Hard Movies

Explosions, car chases, lots of gunplay, mime bashing, and even more of the things guys like.

One of the basic things I like about the Die Hard movies is that the hero, John McClane, is an accidental hero fighting by the seat of his pants. He's not smooth in most anything he does, yet effectively gets the job done. He is not James Bond, he does not have special tools, he is not a pretty fighter, and yet he does what he does so well and it is extremely entertaining.


Retroactive

One of my top ten favorite movies.

Take a steaming hot chick in a tight black jumpsuit, add an opportunist killer on a rampage, put them in the middle of a lonely road in the Texas desert, oh, and wrap it up with a science fiction plot involving time travel.

Car chases, flying lead, and explosions will soon ensue, and ensue, and ensue. The action does not let up as this short, albeit deadly, car ride will repeat itself with each turn leaving more victims and wanton destruction in its wake.

This is a 90 minute hard-on in the guise of a movie.


The Blues Brothers

One massive car chase, damn great music, cameos coming out your butt (see, I didn't say ass), and the Blues Brothers.

It does not take long for this movie to get rolling, and when cars are not piling up or being thrown at you, there is ample music and comedy along the way.

CPM: Cars Per Minute - This movie has more cars destroyed per minute than any other movie. The final chase alone probably racks up more crashes than the entirety of the original Gone in 60 Seconds



What movies would you declare as 'penis movies'?

.Not really movies...but the 3 STOOGES.
.Italian Zombie movies.
.70's sexpliotatiion. Most anything that has '--------------- STEWARDESSES' as a title.
.TROMA films.
.Biker movies
.Spahgetti Westerns
.AIP sci Fi movies.
.....actually,most BAD MOVIES!

....oh...and porno.  :twirl:

Pardon my Ovarian interruption here......

I would say that any movie starring Steven Seagal is a penis flick.  Along with 48 Hours and Fletch.  But The Blues Brothers isn't because although it is one big car chase after another there is an actual plot behind it all. 

Oh, and Chuck Norris and Jean Claude van Damme's movies are penis flicks also. 

Quote from: Snivelly on July 09, 2007, 08:24:31 AM
I would say that any movie starring Steven Seagal is a penis flick.  Along with 48 Hours and Fletch.  But The Blues Brothers isn't because although it is one big car chase after another there is an actual plot behind it all. 

48 Hours is without a plot?

Penis movies, such as those I listed, are not plotless. Most of Steven Seagal's early films, and a few of his latter ones have well developed plots. I'll give you the one on Chuck Norris films.

There are some movies, such as the original (1974) Gone in 60 Seconds which work well with hardly a plot to the film, but few can do that as they just become tedious and boring without soething that ties it all together and gives you a reason to want to see the next scene.

If we want to talk about films which are lacking, let's bring up chick flicks. I think a variation of what Jack Nicholson said in As Good As It Gets could be applied here: take away all reason and accountability. Why would someone want to spend money to be inundated with someone else's relationship woes and general life problems? As a bartender, a salesperson, and a photographer I got enough of that for free, and I didn't even want it.

Yes, it is great when a movie provides us with something to take with us. I am an absolute fan of My Dinner with Andre which consists entirely of a conversation between two men; no car chases, lesbian scenes, slashers, or anything else like that. Ultimately, though, or why else would we be here on this site, we simply want to be entertained by a movie and don't care if it is Steven Seagal or the Brady Bunch that does it, so long as it entertains. If it provides a hard-on along the way, even better.

*Ewww...I just grossed myself out by mentioning Steven Seagal and hard-on in the same breath.


BTW, have you met Susan?

(http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Laughing/lol-065.gif)

I DO NOT WATCH CHICK FLICKS!  Never ever ever!  So although you disagree with my classification of 48 Hours as a penis flick, please don't assume that just because I'm female I chose to waste my time with ridiculous films about stupid women and wimpy-ass girly men.  Damn, that's almost an ad hominem on your part!  :teddyr:

Saying a movie is a penis flick doesn't have to imply that it doesn't have a plot, perhaps I should have explained myself better in my original post.  But there are a great many movies aimed towards men that are indeed just a movie-length car chase or music video, such as The Fast and the Furious.

Quote
*Ewww...I just grossed myself out by mentioning Steven Seagal and hard-on in the same breath.

Ummm, thanks....I was eating, but now, maybe not......

Quote from: Snivelly on July 09, 2007, 10:01:20 AM
...such as The Fast and the Furious.

I hated that movie. I don't know which was pussier; the cars or the men in that movie.

Quote from: Snivelly on July 09, 2007, 10:01:20 AM
I DO NOT WATCH CHICK FLICKS!  Never ever ever!

Careful. Sean Connery got a movie title out of having said 'never again'.

An interesting quirk of human behavior is that we have a tendency to protest most loudly those things which are closest to home for us.

In other words: what was the last chick flick you watched? (http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Tongue/mockery-022.gif)

QuoteIn other words: what was the last chick flick you watched?

I can't remember.  I think the last one was probably Steel Magnolias a looong time ago, because I had moved back home briefly and my mother had the remote.  She would always beg me to watch that crap with her.

I would rather spend the evening jabbing myself in the eye with a nicely chilled salad fork than suffer through any romantic comedy, or any movie set during the era of corsets unless there's a war or mystery involved. 

Quote from: Snivelly on July 09, 2007, 10:25:32 AM
I would rather spend the evening jabbing myself in the eye with a nicely chilled salad fork than suffer through any romantic comedy, or any movie set during the era of corsets unless there's a war or mystery involved. 

I thoroughly enjoyed the Masterpiece Theatre presentation of George Eliot's (Mary Ann Evans) Middlemarch. It is a period piece, but some could argue that it is a ultimately a chick flick.

I didn't see that production, but since I really enjoyed the novel I'd probably watch that.  But the noel was far from a romance, it was about social conditions and mobility in Victorian England, and the only real romance angle would have been the attraction between the doctor with the gold-digging wife and the wealthy young woman who worked as a social reformist.  But in the book nothing ever came of it, if I remember correctly.

And enough of this, I'm done threadjacking here!  Back to penis flicks........

Quote from: Snivelly on July 09, 2007, 10:36:16 AM
I'm done threadjacking here!

(http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Laughing/lol-065.gif)

I love old-time romantic classics myself. Most of them are timeless escapism at its finest. The best ones I like tend to have the guy laughing his butt off (usually in a playful fashion though) at the female lead. Don't know if that means anything but still, there it is.

Quote from: JaseSF on July 09, 2007, 11:29:17 AM
I love old-time romantic classics myself. Most of them are timeless escapism at its finest. The best ones I like tend to have the guy laughing his butt off (usually in a playful fashion though) at the female lead. Don't know if that means anything but still, there it is.

I'm formulating a theory as we speak. It don't look good for you. (http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Tongue/mockery-022.gif)

Honestly I frequently find myself laughing at women in reality too. But hey, I laugh at myself too.

The ultimate penis movie?

Dare I?


The Road Warrior

You know it, you love it; and if you don't you need to have your head screwed back on.

No matter how many times the Mad Max movies have had a thread dedicated to them, they always get responses.

If asked the question 'how many times can the same person reply with The Road Warrior rocks', the answer is likely to be 'as many times as someone else can post about it'.

This is also a movie that can make a man cry; we all shed a tear when Max's car blows up.

Is this the ultimate penis movie?

If not, what would be your choice?

Quote from: Menard on July 09, 2007, 09:47:33 AM


*Ewww...I just grossed myself out by mentioning Steven Seagal and hard-on in the same breath.

(http://www.chrisrommel.com/AirbrushedCaricatures/StevenSeagal.jpg)

ROAD WARRIOR.

I have to agree with Menard on that one.

Personally I think giant robots are a penis thing. Movies with giant robots and other futuristic technology will definitely appeal more to the guys IMO. From my experience, women tend to be into fantasy and adventure while most guys are more enthralled with sci-fi and action.

Quote from: JaseSF on July 09, 2007, 10:55:03 PM
ROAD WARRIOR.

I have to agree with Menard on that one.

Well, as much as I've been trying to avoid this thread, I have to agree, too.  ROAD WARRIOR pretty much captures the essence of what a film SHOULD be.

And Torgo, ROFL at that picture.  It looks just ole Stevie!

ROAD WARRIOR!!!!! YEEEEAAAAAAAAH!!!! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

ROAD WARRIOR...So powerful of a movie it makes men cry in its presence.

You have a penis is you drink beer like Budwesier. I only know one girl who drinks Bud and I was the one who got her into it.  :smile:

You has a penis if ....

you drink moonshine....


(http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l79/RCMerchant/MoonshineStill02.jpg)


.....and like movies like this.....

(http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l79/RCMerchant/untitled-21.jpg)

LMAO ... I have about a gallon of real moonshine in the cabinet and I have that movie from SWV. I must has a penis.

Quote from: CheezeFlixz on July 10, 2007, 05:23:11 PM
LMAO ... I have about a gallon of real moonshine in the cabinet and I have that movie from SWV. I must has a penis.

Karma!  :thumbup:

I once drank two pints of moonshine at a big outdoors party once...woke up two days later and was close to hallucinating! I probably should have died!  :buggedout:

Quote from: RCMerchant on July 10, 2007, 05:48:50 PM

Quote from: CheezeFlixz on July 10, 2007, 05:23:11 PM
LMAO ... I have about a gallon of real moonshine in the cabinet and I have that movie from SWV. I must has a penis.

Karma!  :thumbup:

I once drank two pints of moonshine at a big outdoors party once...woke up two days later and was close to hallucinating! I probably should have died!  :buggedout:

Thanky ... I know a few shiners around here and get a pint or quart ever so often as a gift.

Worst drunk I ever had was on shine when I was 17, almost 18 years old. I kid you not, I woke up in a different state, in a strange house on the bathroom floor naked with a passed out a naked drunk girl in the tub next to me. Couldn't find half my cloths, didn't know where I was, or how long I was gone, and when I finally got home a week later, my Dad chewed my ass and I got p**sed and went and joined the Marines. So when I get asked why I joined the Marines I can say Moonshine.

....Sounds ike it was as good for her as it was for you!  :bouncegiggle:

I hope I had a good time and her too, never knew her name or saw her again and didn't remember doing anything with her, all I remembered was I started partying at the river front in Henderson, KY and I some how ended up in Manchester, TN 2 or 3 days later. A clear case of I should have been dead or arrested. :buggedout:

Quote from: CheezeFlixz on July 10, 2007, 05:23:11 PM
I must has a penis.

That ain't what I heard. (http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Happy/happy-073.gif)

Quote from: Menard on July 10, 2007, 08:13:55 PM

Quote from: CheezeFlixz on July 10, 2007, 05:23:11 PM
I must has a penis.

That ain't what I heard. (http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Happy/happy-073.gif)

Based on CheezeFlixz story, and confession of same, I'd expect he'd have a penis (or at least an "I was drugged and left for dead..." t-shirt).  Balls anyway. 

Quote from: Menard on July 10, 2007, 08:13:55 PM

Quote from: CheezeFlixz on July 10, 2007, 05:23:11 PM
I must has a penis.

That ain't what I heard. (http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Happy/happy-073.gif)

Oh ol Menard has a penis, it's just not his ...(http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Laughing/lol-047.gif)

Quote from: CheezeFlixz on July 10, 2007, 10:06:23 PM
Oh ol Menard has a penis, it's just not his ...(http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Laughing/lol-047.gif)

That was a good one. I gave you karma for that. :teddyr:

Being that this thread has reached 101 posts, much to the horror of many, I thought we could mark the occasion by taking this thread yet another step lower.


I'll start; you add to it.


101 uses for a penis


1) No paper, no pen? Not to worry. With any perfectly good penis, you can write your message on most surfaces from walls to the ground, and including in the snow. Just be careful whose handwriting it is in. :teddyr:


Your turn.

2. If someone at a party,or any where,for that matter,is bugging the hell out of you, you can drop your drawers and wave it at them.They will not bug you again.   :drink:  Or they will beat you into a bloody pulp.  :bluesad:

3) If your hands are full, like carrying groceries, it can be used as an impromptu pointing device when giving directions.

4)If hooked up to radio wire it can be used as an impromptu antenna

A man with no arms can still hitch hike, if he's excited about where he's going.

6) Walked into an office, but no place to hang your jacket? Thinking about that secretary just the right way will provide a place to hang it. Now that's a well hung jacket. :teddyr:

Your new squeeze can't drive stick?  Teach your lover how to shift gears safely.

8) Now you can count to 21 without using your fingers or toes twice.

9) Serves as a portable ringtoss game for those times when just a little extra entertainment needs to be added to the event.

Well, I didn't read back to see if this was listed.  But see the last event listed:
http://voodoodoughnut.com/events.html

My god, I hope they dont recycle the donuts.
-Ed

handy extra pool cue  :thumbup:

Great way to get out of jury duty.

A way of safely completing a botched pole vault.

Put a glow-in-the-dark condom on it, and you can safely guide a plane in for a night landing.

wrap some carpet round it and scare your friends into thinking it's a fake rat.....Oh hours of fun!  :wink: