My 100 Karma point comedy celebration!

[BTM]

A guy is sitting at a bar in the Penthouse on the 30th floor of a fancy hotel.  A woman walks up to him and says, "Hey, sailor, what cha drinking?"

"Oh, nothing," the guy replies, "Except for this... magic beer!"

"What?" the girl says, incredulous.  "No way!"

"Yes," the guy says, "I'm dead serious.  This beer is MAGIC.  What this."

The guy downs the rest of his beer, runs over to a nearby window, opens it, jumps out and starts FLYING around.  After about a minute, he comes back in.

"WOW!" says the girl, "That's amazing!  I want to try some of that!"

"Barkeep!" says the man, "Give the lady one of what I'm having."

The barkeep comes over and gives the lady a beer.  She promptly downs it, runs over to the windows,  yells, "Watch me!" and jumps out.

She then promptly falls to the ground below.

The barkeeper sighs heavily and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real a***ole when you're drunk!"

[BTM]

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "

That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"

"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.

The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.

"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.

"Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.

"Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.

The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"

With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

[raj]

What do you get when you cross a zebra with a cardinal?

I don't know, but it's black and white and red all over.

[Mr. DS]

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, why the long face".

A bear walks into a bar and says I'll have a beer and..................................................some peanuts.
The bartender retorts with, hey why the big paws (pause).

A mole family wake up one spring day and the papa mole goes up to the first hole and exclaims "I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole pokes her head out the other hole and says "I smell syrup too"
The baby mole tries very hard to get by his parent's backsides and exclaims "All I can smell is molasses ". 

[Killer Bees]

What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? My a$$.

That's from the immortal "Kung Pow: Enter The Fist". 

PS: I still don't get that joke. Maybe we weren't supposed to.

Trevor,

You're not supposed to get it.  It's so ridiculous, it's supposed to be funny because of the nonsense factor.  Here's another joke that doesn't make sense, but people laugh because it's so bizarre:

Q:  Why is a duck?
A:  Because the higher it flies, the much.

See? Nonsense, but it sounds so crazy you have to laugh.  Of course, it's funnier when you're drunk.   *lol*

Or a variation on the above joke:

Q:  Why is a duck?
A:  Because a motorbike doesn't have doors.

(And no, I'm actually sober right now!)

[Killer Bees]

Q: How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1

Q:  How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  One, but the light bulb has to want to change

Q:  How many men does it take to  change a lightbulb?
A:  Don't know - it's never happened before   

Q:  How many cockroaches does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Don't know.  As soon as the light comes on, they scatter!

[raj]

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

That's not funny.

[Patient7]

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

That's not funny.

They shouldn't have to change our lightbulbs!  But we still have to have ladies night in bars.  I don't make the rules, I just make fun of them.

[indianasmith]

Karma to all on page 5!

[BTM]

How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Six.  One to change the light bulb, the other five to sing about how much they miss the old one.

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None.  Real men aren't scared of the dark.

How many teenagers does it take to change a light bulb?
One.  They just stand there and wait until the world revolves around them.

[redsneaker]

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

[indianasmith]

more jokes, more karma!! 

[redsneaker]

Yo Mama is so fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck!

[BTM]

How about some funny quotes?

"Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?"
- Kelvin Throop III

"Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."
- Mark Twain

"Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet."
- Dave Barry

"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."
- Stephen King

"Mr. Spock succumbs to a powerful mating urge and nearly kills Captain Kirk."
- TV Guide, describing the Star Trek episode "Amok Time"

"Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing."
- Engineer's Motto

"It's not the bullet with your name on it you have to worry about. It's the twenty-thousand-odd other bullets labeled "Occupant"."
- Murphy's laws of combat

[KYGOTC]

3 gay guys walk into a bar, but theres only 1 barstool. So they flip it over.