Favorite TV Quotes

[Doggett]

"Goes 'Ding' when there's stuff"

The Doctor

[RCMerchant]

She called me a creature!"

Ernest T. Bass-Andy Griffith Show.

This speech by Joe Friday on DRAGNET

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Twre6ItGEI

Wow.

[Psycho Circus]

"Here it is Christmas Eve, and I'm gonna get shot dead in a moose suit!"


Renko - from Hill Street Blues

[Hammock Rider]

"You big dummy!"

Sanford & Son

[Doggett]

"Say what you see"

Catchphrase

[Psycho Circus]

From "Only Fools & Horses":

Uncle Albert: "Is that the radio I hear, Rodney?"
Rodney: "No, Elton John popped in and he's rehearsing in the kitchen!"


Rodney: "Oi, Del, why'd they call him Trigger? Does he carry a gun or something?"
Del Boy: "Na, it's coz he looks like an horse."

[ghouck]

"I dub thee... Sir Phobos, Knight of Mars, Beater of Ass!"

Captain Murphy, Sealab 2021

[frankofthefuture]

Three from THE YOUNG ONES and one from THE GOLDEN GIRLS (since it's on TV nonstop lately).

One from THE YOUNG ONES from memory:

Neil the hippie: (While paranoid about the beans) "What DO YOU KNOW about THE BEANS?"

(Has to be seen to be fully appreciated.)

And one I found online but remember well: "It's the old trick eh? EAT THE TELLY!"

If you've never seen the YOUNG ONES this clip with the above quote is a pretty good introduction to this insane show (COMPLETE WITH SOME TYPICAL PUPPETRY) from the BBC with Rick Mayall that MTV actually played reruns of in the mid to late 80s late at night (best thing they ever did). The use of puppets on the show totally reminds me of Peter Jackson's MEET THE FEEBLES.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4xOauCPDBs

And since I actually found another memorable quote online, Neil's lines while picking up a hot pot of lentle stew is another great one:

Neil: (Picking up hot lentle stew pot): "OH WOW! This is really amazingly hot! I better get it to the table quickly. Oh, no room at all eh? HEAVY!" There's a little more. Very funny scene. You can jump right to that spot just after 1:40 (but you'd be missing the opening sequence).

Also includes: "Guys, there's some dinner on the floor if you want it."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_8-S_8lDWo

And just about the best one I can remember from THE GOLDEN GIRLS:

Blanche: "I don't have any secrets from you. My life is an open book."
Sophia: "Your life is an OPEN BLOUSE!"

[InformationGeek]

Homer: Ah dinner, the perfect break between work and drunk.

From The Simpsons

[BoyScoutKevin]

Like in films, the best lines (IMHO) on TV are when someone utters a sneer or offers up a putdown.

Here are some of my favorites. The best that I can remember.

Captain Kirk (William Shatner) to Mr. Baris (William Schallert) on "Star Trek."
"I regard the project as extremely important Mr. Baris. It's you that I regard ligjhtly."

Dan Akyrod to Jane Curtin on "Saturday Night Live"
"Jane you ignorant slut."

The Doctor (Colin Baker) to Mestor (Edwin Richfield) on "Doctor Who"
"In my time, I have been threatened by experts. And I don't rate you highly at all."

Phillipa Lavon (Amanda Bloom) to Captain Picard (Patrick Stewart) on "Star Trek: the Next Generation"
"Then I shall rule summarily based upon my findings. Data is a toaster."

Ethan McCord (Lee Horsley) and Lenora (K. T. Oslin) on "Paradise."
"Do you think killing him, will bring your boy back?"--"No, but it is going to make me feel alot better."

Hercule Poirot (David Suchet) to Captain Hastings (Hugh Fraser) on "Mystery"
"Please don't fraternize with that creature. I'm still training him."--"It's only a parrot!"--"I was talking to the parrot."

Deanna Troi (Marina Siritis) to Commander Toreth (Carolyn Seymour) on "Star Trek: the Next Generation"
"Your corwardice does not benefit a Romulan soldier."

Ioalus (Michael Hurst) to Zylus (Ryan Gosling) on "Hercules: the Legendy Journeys"
Sometimes you learn more by watching an idiot, then you can by listening to a genius."

Harry (Robert Duncan McNeill) to Alpha Hirogen (Tony Todd) on "Star Trek: Voyager"
"I once tracked a mouse through Jefferies tube 32."

Dax (Terry Farrell) to Dr. Bashir (Alex Siddig) "Star Trek: Deep Space 9."
"Fly up to the window and knock."

And anytime Garak (Andrew Robinson) shot anyone, or was about to shoot anyone, he got off a pretty good line on "Star Trek: Deep Space 9."

[Doggett]

"Nobody knows about that door. That's our secret door." -  The X Files.

[WingedSerpent]

Dr Weird from ATHF: Getlemen, BEHOLD! (I use this one a lot)

[AndyC]

"I woke up this morning
In Aberdeen
I cranked up my Vauxhall
It's a mean machine
I'm going South now
Down to Edinburgh town
I've got five guineas in my pocket
And I hope some lassie don't let me down"

- Dave Thomas, as Angus Crock, sings the blues on SCTV

[Rev. Powell]

"People are bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling." --Scrubs

[Allhallowsday]

This speech by Joe Friday on DRAGNET
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Twre6ItGEI
Wow.

Oo-oo that's classic pine-paneling JACK WEBB: "Marijuana is the flame, Heroin is the fuse, LSD is the bomb..."     Uhm... yeh.  LSD is worst of all.  More addictive and destructive than heroin...    Who wrote this drek? 

Oscar Madison states emphatically to Felix Unger at the close of an episode of "The Odd Couple":  "Feh!"