Things You've Learned From Commercials

[Flu-Bird]

If you annoy sasquach he,ll throw you through the air,Giant chickens can ride motorcycles,pigeons can retreive your computer but forget the keyboard,women named josephie are plumbers,dracula likes the peanut butter first,

[Giant Claw Jr]

SILLY RABBIT TRIX ARE FOR KIDS,IF ITS KENNER ITS FUN AAAWWWKKK,PINK HEARTS,YELLOW MOONS,GREEN CLOVER,ORANGE STARS,BLUE DIAMONDS

[AndyC]

Going for a walk outside is a boring, painful, inconvenient ineffective and downright dangerous way to get exercise. A machine in your house is better.

With a good wax, you can put a high gloss on scrap cars.

A good car wax can replace hundreds of dollars worth of body work.

Hercules could only lift 300 pounds.

Blankets are difficult to use.

Although we aren't told what it does, Viagra appears to be an antidepressant.

[The Gravekeeper]

People are surprisingly gullible the moment you mention a brand name.

The Burger King got even creepier when he started rapping about how he wanted to have sex with Spongebob Squarepants (how the execs thought "Baby Got Back" was an appropriate song choice for their commercials designed to push a crappy toy that came with kids' meals I'll never know).

Women who shave their legs while having a bath may "accidentally" throw the razor several feet (possibly clear across the room).

Goths are actually vampires that can be easily defeated with garlic pizza.

Women friggin' love to clean their houses.

It is our duty to eat turkeys whenever possible because it turns out that they're actually terrorists.

Getting a cell phone may result in you being stalked by a crowd.

It's actually quite creepy to have talking animals trying to sell you meat products. Seriously...they're selling out their kin.

[AndyC]

An enhanced male looks a lot like a creepy, grinning idiot from the 1960s.

A glass of artifically flavoured sugar water is worth the cost of masonry repair.

A lot of the things I consider easy and convenient are really a pain in the butt.

A British accent somehow makes products seem less crappy.

Babies excrete a clear blue liquid.

Planning your funeral ahead of time will fill you with optimism.

Family heirlooms just take up valuable space, especially if they're made of gold.

[Flu-Bird]

TAKE THE NESTEA PLUNGE

[Silverlady]

Huge burgers with cheeze and bacon have NO calories. Just top them off with a diet coke or pepsi!

[AndyC]

Wal-Mart is staffed by helpful, knowledgeable people who are happy to be working there.

You can print The Lord's Prayer on any piece of junk, and somebody will buy it.

Cheap commemorative coins are legal tender if some third-world country is paid to recognize them as such.

Juicing vegetables is much better for you than just eating them.

Wearing an ugly metal bracelet can give you a feeling of wellbeing, but nobody appears to know how or why or even what it does.

Looking back, it should have been pretty obvious that Billy Mays was on something.

You can get a professional bodybuilder's physique using a Bowflex machine.

It's all right to discriminate against silly rabbits.

Eating hamburgers in front of characters with hamburgers for heads is neither creepy nor insensitive.

If some suicidal fish asks to be put in a can, it probably won't taste good.

Women go nuts for guys who douse themselves with cheap aftershave.

Heating up a small pre-cooked beef roast makes any meal feel like a special occasion.

Sugar Bear has to steal his own cereal.

[Flu-Bird]

THE NAMES THATS KNOWN IS FIRESTONE,WHERE THE RUBBER MEETS THE ROAD

[Ozzymandias]

Ozzymandias speaks: Let us not forget the PSAs.

Fathers become bad mimes when it is time to talk to their daughters about sex.
Most small children contract diseases nobody has ever heard of.
People who want to conserve energy are goofy.
Even in retirement, Patty stills seems more fun than Cathy.
Little dinosaurse are concerned about their teeth.

And of course, the classics PSA's taught us:

Colon polups are pervy guys in big red suits that dig through you refrigerator.
It is extremely funny when a bully that makes fun of kids for wearing a bicycle helmet runs into something and gets a concusion.
Sparkle City has a superhero in a grey business suite and hat cleaning up trash.
Don't smoke around your child or a performing dolphin.
Al Lewis sends maniquin heads through the mail.
Batman pays Robin and Batgirl.
Drugs will cause you brains to look like a sunny side up egg.
Throwing trash out of a moving car will cause Native Americans to cry.

Ozzymandias has spoken!!!

Ozzymandias speaks again: I forgot one. Irritable bowel syndrome sounds sexy when Lynda Carter talks about it.

Ozzymandias has spoken!!!

[Flu-Bird]

SCRUBBING BUBBLES,SCRUBBING BUBBLES,During the holidays SANTA is a TAXI DRIVER,

[AndyC]

Only Canadians are likely to get this one:

Santa and Scrooge hang out together as a sort of odd couple, trading various witty remarks.

[Jack]

While watching a TV show, you'll spend one-third of your time watching commercials for other TV shows.  And if you tune in to see those shows, you'll spend one-third of your time watching commercials for the show you're watching right now.  This ensures that the audience maintains a high level of interest in the TV shows.

[Flu-Bird]

can anyone remember WISK and its RING AROUND THE COLLAR or CHAFFON MARGERINE with ITS NOT NICE TO FOOL MOTHER NATURE