Movies you wish people had warned you about first

[Ash]

Gothika

I couldn't get the color blue out of my vision or mind for hours after that wretched film.

[bob]

 Die Another Day (2002) 

-50/5

[JaseSF]

Unidentified (2006)
Step Brothers (2008)
The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2006)
Mr. Lonely (2007)
Nobody Knows Anything! (2003)
The Waterboy (1998)
National Lampoon's Senior Trip (1995)

I really wish I had never seen any of these...

[ulthar]

ONLY WHEN I LAUGH

Man, I hated this movie. My girlfriend in high school drug me to see it. It had the distiction of being the first R rated movie she saw with her parents' implicit blessing.

It was bad enough for me that it singlehandedly turned me off drama as a genre for DECADES.

[Pacman000]

Baby, Secret of The Lost Legend

Someone should have told me that the natives don't wear tops.  At the very least the box shouldn't have looked like a kid's movie. 

[Bushma]

Baby, Secret of The Lost Legend

Someone should have told me that the natives don't wear tops.  At the very least the box shouldn't have looked like a kid's movie. 

I haven't seen that movie since I was a kid. I loved that movie growing up!  I wonder what I'd think of it now.

[akiratubo]

Baby, Secret of The Lost Legend

Someone should have told me that the natives don't wear tops.  At the very least the box shouldn't have looked like a kid's movie. 

Don't forget the beautiful, majestic brontosaurus father being brutally gunned down and dying a horrible death, the African terror-warlord, the momma brontosaurus stomping people into mush, and people being thrown out of a helicopter to their deaths.  You know, for kids.

[Paquita]

I wish Netflix would warn you when you have a Redemption movie.  It's not that I mind a 20 minute introduction from naked vampire floozies huffing and puffing in slow motion, I would just like to be prepared.

[SynapticBoomstick]

Hellgate, a 90-minute long brain fart with absent-minded characters and where ultimately nothing is accomplished.

IMDB plotted it at a [2.7]. A waste of an October evening.

[RCMerchant]

Eaten Alive (1977)

I remember seeing the box for this movie at many stores during the VHS era.  I was always curious about it but never rented it.  Even the internet was mostly mum about this movie except to say that it had the same director as The Texas Chain Saw Massacre but wasn't as good.

That is an understatement.  The movie is nothing but a red-tinted headache that seems to be trying to poke fun at someone's idea of redneck stereotypes.  The script trots out Kmart Kowboys, insane old racist men, domestic violence, hookers, drug use, and cruelty to animals and children.  With all that going for it, it STILL can't make any sort of impact, except maybe an impact on your patience.  Tobe Hooper's direction is on the level of "point the camera that way".  Neville Brand, as the villain, clearly wishes he were anywhere (maybe even dead) but in the movie.  Robert Englund makes an appearance.  He tries, bless him, so I'd be tempted to call him the one bright spot in the movie ... if he didn't completely suck.  This is, bar none, the worst performance of his career.  I'm actually surprised he was ever allowed to be in another movie after this.  (Incidentally, Robert's first line of dialogue was stolen by Quentin Tarantino for use in Kill Bill, which makes me hate Eaten Alive even more for inspiring Tarantino in even the slightest way to make that godawful pile of crap.)

The only good thing about Eaten Alive is that it comes from a time when filmmakers knew how to make true sleaze.  It freaking starts with a closeup on a guy unbuttoning his belt and unzipping his pants while telling a crying hooker about how he's going to butt-rape her, for crying out loud!  And all of it is played completely straight with no sort of craft or artistry at all.  It's like someone just happened to have a camera rolling in a brothel while this was going down.  Anyway, that's the first five minutes.  You can safely quit watching after that, as the movie has already shown you the best it has.

I needed some Advil and a stiff drink after this one.  DEFINITELY a movie I wish someone had warned me about.

Gotta disagree! There are no likable charecters in EATEN ALIVE...and thats why I like it! It seems like everyone in this film is depraved or need to die-THATS why I like it! Neville Brandt is great! And Robert Englund does a pre-Freddy Kruger perv! Love it!
  For me,its TRANSFORMERS.Ugh! Oh-and 2012! What a piece of s**t! To be a fun BAD movie...its gotta a least be enjoyable. Multi-million dollar blockbusters that insult my intelligance dont pass muster.Gimme a guy in a rubber monster suit smashing cardboard buildings anyday!

[Trevor]

Why, oh why didn't you special peeps warn me about Boa vs Python? 

[claws]

Fiend (1980). It was the early 80s and my mom and me pretty much rented anything at the video store that looked like a horror film. I believe Fiend was one of our first really bad movie rentals. It sucked so hard we both still complained about the movie weeks after.

I thought so too, even after reading all that great stuff about it in Famous Monsters magazine. While speaking of bad movies, another film that would have been a great double bill with Fiend would have been The Alien Factor which was just as bad or worse as Fiend. And like the other one, it too was featured on the cover of Famous Monsters!

As a young kid back in the day I haven't had appreciation for bad movies yet, I only wanted to see the "good stuff". As a result of the Fiend fiasco we avoided Prism Video (the company that released Fiend)  releases for some time thinking they only put out crap 

[Ted C]

Why, oh why didn't you special peeps warn me about Boa vs Python? 

Isn't that a Syfy original? Isn't that a warning in itself?

[Trevor]

Why, oh why didn't you special peeps warn me about Boa vs Python? 

Isn't that a Syfy original? Isn't that a warning in itself?

I guess I missed that warning, didn't I? *Slaps self* 

[Ted C]

I actually was warned about Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I wish I had listened.