Worst fist-time viewings of 2013

[SynapticBoomstick]

3. Tape 407 (2012) ~ Found footage meets Carnosaur. Incredibly bad, but with a few unintentional fun moments.

I couldn't stomach many of the characters. SPOILER AHEAD


The ending also doesn't work at all because, one, OMG T-REX OUT OF NOWHERE to explain and end the movie on doesn't redeem your crap movie and, two, the guy was holding the camera up to his face to clean the lens, looking directly ahead, so there's no way he could have possibly missed a T-rex coming towards him. I will no suspend that much disbelief.

[Newt]

I couldn't stomach many of the characters.

You did not just say that. 

[retrorussell]

Haven't seen much in 2013.

But the worst FIST-TIME viewing IMO is this gem from Caligula (1979):

[Trevor]

Yikes: who the hell put THAT on Bluray?  

[messedup]

Yikes: who the hell put THAT on Bluray?  

Next step would be a 3D-Bluray then. It will be like the animated Gifs are flying into your face.

[claws]

Yikes: who the hell put THAT on Bluray?  

Cult Label Severin Films. They bought the release rights because they knew the film was special, this was before the movie became a phenomena of some sorts.

[Trevor]

Yikes: who the hell put THAT on Bluray?  

Next step would be a 3D-Bluray then. It will be like the animated Gifs are flying into your face.

[Trevor]

Yikes: who the hell put THAT on Bluray?  

Cult Label Severin Films. They bought the release rights because they knew the film was special, this was before the movie became a phenomena of some sorts.

[zelmo73]

Paranormal Activity 4 - Never had the chance to feel any sympathy for the characters at all. Just wanted them all to die slowly.

Yeah, but the dumb chick plowing the car through the garage door after the ghosts tried to poison her with carbon monoxide via the car exhaust was friggin' hilarious! I don't think that I was supposed to laugh out loud in the movie theater when she did that, but I sure as hell did!  

[Trevor]

I saw Skyfall last year: for me it was pretty meh at best.

[Skull]

lol... I'm not sure about 2013. We (my wife and I) saw some bad movies but nothing deserves a fist...

On the other hand, I think we started 2014 with the right fist... we watched Blubberella (2011) (ok, partly watched the story, we were also putting together a kiss truck toy together... which is a good thing because I don't think I could keep my full attention on that story)

seriously... I would never expect Uwe Boll could pull of something that looked like a bunch teenagers with a camcorder that think they could make a movie... actually, this story was surprisely worse because this isn't Uwe Boll's first movie. The second most amazing thing about this story was how unfunny it was... you would think a fat half-vampire chick that thinks she's hot could pull of a few funny jokes... (although this isn't the first movie I've seen with a fat chick in a comedy and not being funny ~ Phat Girlz (2006))

The only redeeming part of the story is that we were putting a kiss truck together (and our minds were focused on the maker's of the toy because there was missing pieces) >.<


Then a few days later I've started to watch Iron Sky (2012)... what could had been a great movie turned south once the black astronaut started talking... really? let me get this straight, it cost billions of dollars to send somebody in space and the only black man they could find was from the ghetto? actually it was worst because the story seemed to implied that blacks come from the ghetto. I've turned the story off after the space Nazis landed in a pot farm ~ I'd believe somewhere in new York... Although, I should had realized something was wrong with the movie when the black astronaut was wearing a darker looking space suit. Interesting is that the President of the United States looks like Sarah Palin, although it was insulting my intelligence.

[Josso]

I saw Skyfall last year: for me it was pretty meh at best.

Also did you notice everyone was raving about the soundtrack. Bit silly really we've had much more epic bond themes in the past. I enjoyed the film but I only watched it once (probably for the best as bond films seem to get repeated forever)

[zelmo73]

I saw Skyfall last year: for me it was pretty meh at best.

I liked how they got the annoying "Bond girl" killed off pretty early on. It's best to get them out of the way quick instead of making us put up with them until the very end.

[akiratubo]

I forgot to mention Pacific Rim.

Yeah.  I thought it was VERY disappointing.

[snowman]

Flesh Wounds (2011) - Kevin Sorbo in one of the most retarded Predator ripoffs I've ever seen.  Even with a babe in a tight tank top co-starring I could still barely stomach this thing.

Not sure if I saw this one; is it the one where Sarbo leads some SF unit dorks through the jungle?

I must admit that Sarbo has been in some real stinkers; some so bad that they make his Heracles TV show look like Academy Award material.

And a quick look at IMDB shows he has been a busy boy lately. Something like 25 movies in the last couple of years with another dozen or so planned for 2014.

Reminds me in some ways of Lorenzo Lamas.