The Truly Terrible Jokes Thread Part 2

[Leah]

My friend David had his ID stolen, so he's now known as Dav

[indianasmith]

I told my wife that my dream was to make an entire working automobile out of spaghetti.

She said I was crazy.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!

[VenomX73]

My boss told me to have a good day.......   so I went home. 

[RCMerchant]

A mouse is f**king an elephant.
The elephant yawns and smacks her head on the headboard.
"OW!" the elephant hollers.
The mouse says- "That's right! Scream, baby!"

[indianasmith]

The definition of ambition is a mouse crawling up an elephant's behind with rape on its mind.
The definition of self-confidence is when the mouse says: "I'm sorry, but this is gonna hurt!"

[Alex]

The pesimist sees the tunnel
The optimist sees the light in the tunnel
The realist sees the lights of the train
The train driver sees three idiots...

[Leah]

A priest, rabbit, and minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks :What will yall have?" The Rabbit said he doesn't know, only that he's there because of autocorrect.

[RCMerchant]

Why is it hard to auction off Nazi memorabilia?

Because everyone looks like they're bidding!

[Alex]

No member of Metallica has ever been on The Muppet Show or Sesame Street.

Master of Puppets my arse!

[RCMerchant]

What do you call a monkey that eats Doritos?
A chipmunk!

[RCMerchant]

What would you call Robocop if he was homeless?
Hobocop

[Rev. Powell]

A pun enters a room of ten people and kills them all.

Pun in, ten dead.

[zombie no.one]

I'm a martial arts expert: with my bare feet I can smash a brick, chop a wooden post in half, and destroy a watermelon

yesterday I got beaten up by a ten year old before I could even get my socks off.

[Trevor]

A pun enters a room of ten people and kills them all.

Pun in, ten dead.

😳😂🤣😅😃

[Trevor]

My friend David had his ID stolen, so he's now known as Dav

😂🤣😅