RECENT VIEWINGS (Bad Movie Thread!)

[chainsaw midget]

I LIKED Loaded Weapon!

[LilCerberus]

Tonight's Stinker
Adios Compañeros(1971)
https://youtu.be/CmPzeBsyt1w?si=u35uIraWFdJl34S7

The Wild Bunch are lost in the desert, no food, horses or ammo, when the spot another gang on the run...
They kill the gang for their stuff, but Macho plays dead... Later on, Butch Cassidy & Ironhead get in a disagreement over splitting the money, & butch screws him & several others out of their share...
Meanwhile, Macho is taken in by a good Samaritan... After recovering, he heads to the next town, where he wins a new revolver in a game of horse shoes, gets in a bar fight, & wins the respect of Buck, who invites him to join a robbery....
The robbery is planned by Ironhead, who now in the business of sending other people out to do his dirty work, then killing them, while sending bounty hunters to find Butch & Sundance... This puts Macho closer to revenge...

Steady pacing, one riffable moment, with a disco-muzak soundtrack...

[zombie no.one]

But LOADED WEAPON has Tim Curry and William Shatner! 

I LIKED Loaded Weapon!

ah, cool. I just found it so dry. compared to the 'subtlety' of the NAKED GUNs and the craziness of HOT SHOTS or something... we wuz spoiled for spoofs back then 

[M.10rda]

THE OUTLAW (1943):
Do you hate historical accuracy? Then you might love Howard Hughes' THE OUTLAW, the Western that asks: How are gambler & gunfighter Doc Holliday's legacy and legend intrinsically linked to those of Billy the Kid and Sheriff Pat Garrett? Of course the answer is "They're not", because there's no evidence that Holliday ever had anything to do w/ Pat and Billy - but nevertheless this screenplay would have moviegoers (at least those who'd not yet lived to see TOMBSTONE or even 1946's MY DARLING CLEMENTINE) believe that the three old west legends were all in one big lethal bromance together.

THE OUTLAW was Hughes' second film of two, before realizing he wasn't much of a filmmaker and devoting the rest of his life to airplanes, shady Vegas investments, and collecting his own fingernails and urine. It seems like it was better remembered in the 80s - mostly as a low-grade camp/cult item - but it's rarely discussed today, probably because it's not very good but also not Bad enough to be a lot of fun. Some Letterboxd reviews find it rife w/ gay subtext, and yes, Holliday and Billy spend the entire movie arguing over who does a better job riding Holliday's horse.  But I've seen much gayer westerns (unintentional and otherwise) and besides it seems pretty clear that THE OUTLAW was made primarily to showcase Jane Russell, who poonhound Hughes presumably wanted to bang. The movie itself doesn't actually objectify top-billed Jane as much as its poster and promotional photos, which I still remember clearly from early childhood when I spotted them in my Godfather's house.  She does look nice, though, and (at this early point in her career) does a reasonable job w/ a poorly written supporting role that doesn't seem to have benefitted from much direction.

The bigger issue is Jack Buetel (yeah, who?) as Billy the Kid. To be generous you could say that Buetel's blank-faced flat delivery is a fair portrayal of the real William Bonney's reputed low intelligence and sociopathy. It ain't much fun to watch, though.

The good thing about THE OUTLAW are the performances by Thomas Mitchell (IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE's Uncle Billy!) as Garrett and Walter Huston (father of John) as Holliday. Mitchell is likeable and convincing as the well-meaning lawman until the clumsy writing lets him down in the final scenes. Huston is fourth-billed in spite of Holliday really being the main character  and thus THE OUTLAW is one of only two movies I know where Huston plays the lead (the other being DODSWORTH). He gives Holliday some easygoing, humorous highlights that oddly reminded me of Steve Martin at times. But Huston also transitions nicely to more dramatic moments, and would win an Oscar 5 years later for TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE. I assume he (like Russell) didn't get much help from Hughes, who was reportedly most interested in technology and sex. Like tech-bros today, really.

2.5/5    But on the tech side, there is some interesting (low-key, semi-realistic) use of visual and/or make-up FX during the final showdown.

[M.10rda]

PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME! (1959/1963?)
The title more or less clues you into what you should expect from this semi-Mondo/domestic docudrama about female sexual dysfunction and its potential treatments.  The somewhat surprising thing is its writer/director/producer/co-star - Ron Ormond, who played the eponymous TEENAGE STRANGLER of MST3K fame but ended his career w/ a series of evangelical Christian scare flicks. I recall that Rev. Powell has the Ron Ormond box set so maybe he's watched this one and can shed more light on its production. The copyright on the opening title says "1959" which is what Letterboxd goes with, but other sources say 1963, which seems like a better match for the vivid colors, garish wardrobes, and general sleaze-level.

The pre-credits sequence wastes no time in allowing pretty redhead "Vicki Edwards" to wander off from a woodsy picnic into a nearby desert, where she's followed and accosted by a swarthy-looking moustached-man in a sailor cap. (Horrors!  ) Ormond cuts away from any graphic assault, however, and we then leap forward in time to newlywed Vicki rebuffing her husband's marital advances (in spite of her choice of outfits, which range from "Vegas martian showgirl" to "Playboy magazine boudoir model"). Obviously the only hope for Vicki's marriage and sanity is a visit to chain-smoking psychotherapist Lash LaRue... yes, the whip-wielding cowboy from THE DARK POWER and other bad westerns. Soon, Vicki is submitting to hypnosis to plumb the dark depths of her trauma (w/ cameo by Ormond himself as Anton Mesmer  ). But will you be prepared for PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME!'s shock-twist ending???

This is undeniably a cheap, largely tasteless, and Bad film - but it could have been worse! The dialogue is mostly tacky enough to avoid being boring, and LaRue is kind of interesting to watch (he comes off as Ed Sullivan doing a Richard Nixon impression). Although I initially felt bad ogling the many boob-shots of perky Vicki - presumably the victim of s*x**l assault - Ormond obviously knew what he was doing (for better or worse) and lets his audience off the hook at movie's end, where it's revealed that
***SPOILER***
the attack was interrupted prematurely and Vicki wasn't actually violated - but Vicki has blacked out the entire incident and her neurotic mother has encouraged her to believe she was r@ped for years (!!!).
***END SPOILER***
Okay, that's kinda' messed up - but as a result of this odd twist, PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME reads less as a reactionary indictment of the inscrutable female libido and more as a portrait of parental over-protectiveness, repression, and gaslighting....... yes, whether intentionally or otherwise, future religious propagandist Ormand somehow made an almost progressive movie that is critical of sexual conservativism.

It does end though on a scene of heteronormative reinforcement. But we get to look at Vicki's cleavage some more, so...   

2.5/5
Oddball sidenote: "Vicki Edwards" is played by "Vicki Caron" but the opening credits declare that the film is based on her true story which seems like yet another uncomfortable situation similar to that of "Rae Kidd" in THE UNASHAMED. "Vicki Caron" (who is very lovely, if only an okay actress) seems to have no other film credits and some folks on the internet appear intrigued by this mystery. Rev, was there any memorable supplemental tidbits on the box set?

[zombie no.one]

QUANTUM OF SOLACE

2008!!! that means I've spent nearly 20 years consciously (and subconsciously) avoiding this film.

Why would a James Bond fan avoid a Bond movie? Well it's Daniel Craig you see... what I love about Connery and Moore is that both in their own way were comedians at heart and fantastically, knowingly cornballs. Dalton and Brosnan just about managed to assimilate this trait into their Bonds as well. Brosnan more so

Nothing against Craig as an actor or a person, but for me he simply isn't Bond. He is just so f+×÷=ing anonymous in the role, scuse my French. He has the aura of a trained doberman guarding a kennel.

It doesn't help that Q.O.S. is all flashcuts and frenetic action either. I guess there is some Bondy-ness to it but it also seems to want to combine the hectic chasey derring-do of old with nuskool slick stuff and it's an awkward mix.

Soulless Bond. 4/10

[zombie no.one]

PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME! (1959/1963?)
The title more or less clues you into what you should expect from this semi-Mondo/domestic docudrama about female sexual dysfunction and its potential treatments. 

have you seen BAD GIRLS GO TO HELL? sounds like it's in the same ballpark, and that one was pretty fun, imo