Starcrash

[Jack]

[Mr. DS]

All woman are required to wear a protective suit around The Hoff to repell his overabundance of manliness. 

[AndyC]

Freshness guaranteed!

[BlackAngel75]

This suit is not only used in battle.  C'mere, Hoff.

[TheDope]

No one knew this, but the original version of Star Wars was originally funded by the Hefty Bag company.

[Jack]

Hoff:  "I was promised a light saber.  I mean, this is a caulking gun for chrissakes."

Director:  "People will think these are cooler than light sabers.  Trust me on this Hoff."

[Mortal Envelope]

Hasslehoff is so into safe sex he requires all females to wear a body condom around him at all times!

[Justy]

If you need a B-Movie babe, be sure to visit The Hoff's B-Movie Babe Emporium.
Always sealed for freshness and delivered right to your door.

[nshumate]

Chastity belts -- of the future!!

[Flangepart]

Chastity belts -- of the future!!

Nathan you line thief! D'oh!
When the prop guy ran out od lazer rifles, the Hoff brought his own stock of hair curlers, and saved the shoot.

[Andrew]

"We want to become dairy farmers.  So, I guess that all we have to do is find a cow."

[Inyarear]

"So there I was, totally nude in a back alley. I didn't know what I was going to do. But then
I saw this homeless guy and a cheap hooker lying there passed out in a cardboard box..."

[Yaddo 42]

Just because Christmas is over doesn'tmean you can't have a gift wrapped Caroline Munro for birthdays, Valentine's Day, anniversaries, and other special occasions especially delivered to your door by an armed and fabulous escort.

[AndyC]

Hoff has a suit like Caroline's for those times when he gets the urge for a burger.

[Terf]

In an alternate universe, a young Meat Loaf and poo-covered Christie Brinkley team up to save the universe by fixing cracks in the tiles.