Whats The Funniest Thing You've Said Today

[Mr. DS]

What is the funniest thing you've said today to another person.  My entry for today...

"The Hoff can't die, he's immortal..."

In reaction to a coworker's claim the Hoff is near death. 

[Psycho Circus]

I was out in the main office today looking for a glue stick and went over to a corner of the room where three othere guys sit. I asked them if they had any spare and one guy said: "I bet you like to lick things, don't you?"

He then bent over to look in his draw infront of the other two dudes, with his butt crack showing, to which I announced: "yeah, but I'm not licking that!"

[Saucerman]

I actually haven't spoken since I woke up today, four and a half hours ago.  Pretty funny, huh?

[Leah]

 bah

[indianasmith]

I dropped my pen in front of my seventh graders today and said:

"Oh, Monkey Nostrils!"

[Jack]

My wife never closes ziploc bags.  She says it's because they're not made for left handed people.  Yeah, she's a little comedian.  I told her that next time she's in the supermarket, she should ask one of the people there if they have any ziploc bags made for left handed people.

[Trevor]

I have two films that I had to check the credits for as they are coming out on DVD soon and I have a habit of checking the actual films for credit info, etc.

I was checking Hans en Die Rooinek [Sidney and The Boer] about an hour ago and after winding it carefully through the viewing table, I saw something was wrong. My entire comment was "Oh ******! Why is it ****** backwards?"

Answer: because Trevor forgot to re-wind it first. 

[Trevor]

I dropped my pen in front of my seventh graders today and said:

"Oh, Monkey Nostrils!"

[ER]

To my mom: "Since you keep losing your car keys, wouldn't it easier on you if you just started leaving them inside your car?"


To a ditzy sales clerk: "That's like looking for a virgin in Las Vegas."


To my friend: "If those four leaf clovers are so lucky, why are they dead and pressed inside your wallet?"

[Saucerman]

(in response to a coworker claiming to be a sex addict, and going into therapy for it) "Well...couldn't you just wear mittens?"

[hellbilly]

"KGB destroyed Lennon's remains"

I said that after reading out the "Official: KGB destroyed Hitler's remains" CNN story and a silly CNN quiz-blurb regarding Lennon's death.

Tasteless and dumb, maybe. But everybody laughed so it was kind of funny.

[Mofo Rising]

I had this conversation with a coworker:

Me: Hey, what's the word?
Her: Hyperbole.
Me: Hyperbole?
Her: Yeah, hyperbole. That seems like a good word. Hyperbole.
Me: Eh. It's not all it's built up to be.

Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week!

[ER]

"For crying out loud, no, you are NOT buying him marijuana for Christmas. He's in college, so try to think of some sort of 'green' present. Oh. Well, yeah, but still, you know what I meant."

[Psycho Circus]

"He looks like a sex offender with the skull of a goat"

[Andrew]

Garrett, stop trying to write on the cat with the chalk.