THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs

[ChaosTheory]

i'm just gonna post the whole thing, one of my favorite shorts:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id4CvoKDTR0

Crow: This man is wearing a pushup bra; now he is pleasing!  

[Rev. Powell]

SECRET AGENT SUPER DRAGON

Super Dragon (calling home base): "It's Super Dragon."
JOEL: "Super Dragon who?"

Villain (threateningly): "It would be a shame to have to put you in our tub."
TOM: "For you see, the Mr. Bubble may give you a urinary infection."

[Super Dragon reacts as the girl he was kissing dies in his arms]
JOEL: "I could still hug her, that's not weird, is it?"

[bob]

The Final Sacrifice

"Know him, he tastes great!!!!!!!!" 

[Trevor]

More from The Final Sacrifice:

[Rowsdower wakes up screaming] "I forgot the liquor stores close at seven!"*

Crow: "I can see why Quebec wants to be separate from all this." 

[Troy is hiding and one of the Ziox walks by] Mike: "Sir: you have a hole in your shoe.....oops.." 

* I don't know who said this.

[AndyC]

More from The Final Sacrifice:

[Rowsdower wakes up screaming] "I forgot the liquor stores close at seven!"*

Crow: "I can see why Quebec wants to be separate from all this." 

[Troy is hiding and one of the Ziox walks by] Mike: "Sir: you have a hole in your shoe.....oops.." 

* I don't know who said this.

Crow: If it's any consolation, I hates that rabbit too.

[bob]

Yet even more from The Final Sacrifice.

All 3 of them at one point or another "Seven years later."

[Rev. Powell]

EEGAH

[Roxy has nearly crashed into Eegah.  He approaches the car, dragging his club, to "exchange insurance information"]
FORGOT WHO: Oh, I'm driving a stick too!

Roxy [to her dad]: "How about I give you a shave?"
CROW: I know it's weird, but I'm into weird.

[Eegah reaches out to touch Roxy's hair]
JOEL: Oh, no! He's gone to the Torgo school of fondling!

And of course, "Watch out for snakes!" at every opportunity.

And my 8 year old niece watched a whole episode for the 2nd time in her life.  When they showed Eegah's family, she riffed, "So why are they all covered in brown mustard?" 

[Trevor]

Yet even more from The Final Sacrifice.
All 3 of them at one point or another "Seven years later."

One of them says "Seven years after the credits?" 

[AndyC]

When Pipper is telling the story of the Xiox, and Servo is saying "Uh huh... No they weren't... No they didn't... No it wasn't..."

[bob]

From Eegah!, I don't remember who said it, it was damn funny.

"When did this become The Third Man?"

[bob]

From Laserblast: the ending credits where they really lay into Leonard Maltin for giving it 2 stars.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G66MIfTRT1k

[AndyC]

Earth vs. the Spider:

(Eerie music plays as hero and heroine explore the cave)
Servo: I know that theremin is around here somewhere.

Sheriff: Get that DDT in here quick.
Joel: PDQ, ASAP, you SOB.

(Spider attacks a deputy who resembles Josh Weinstein)
Joel: No! Dr. Erhardt, no! So that's what happened to him.

[Rev. Powell]

I ACCUSE MY PARENTS

There really are a wealth of great lines in this one, and lots of them are running jokes: jokes about accusing your parents, about Jimmy winning the essay contest, the duck in the hallway that keeps quacking every time someone opens the door...

[Singing along to the haunting theme song]
TOM: They laughed when I accused my parents, and I killed them/Let's see if they'll be laughing now!

Kitty: I never had a mother myself, at least not one I can remember.
TOM: I was torn from the thigh of Zeus.

[Kitty's looking distraught after being forced to break up with Jimmy]
TOM: If I had parents, I'd accuse them now!

Judge: That sentence is hereby suspended, and you're remanded to the custody of your parents.
JOEL: Thank God I'm white!

Essay contest riffs:

Kitty: Jimmy's so sweet, the kind of guy every girl dreams of!
JOEL: He won an essay contest, you know!

CROW: He's taken to selling his essays on the street.

[Jimmy gets beaten up by mobsters]
TOM: This is a message from the other kids in the essay contest!

JOEL: Mom, dad, I won the 'get the crap kicked out of you' contest!

[Rev. Powell]

More THE GIRL IN LOVERS LANE

JOEL: This is a great date, I always wanted to be nuzzled by a hobo.

[Big Stupid and wimpy kid have just been in a fight where Big did most of the work]
TOM (as wimpy kid): How about that guy I groined in the knee?

[Jack Elam is standing nervously in front of a lynch mob]
CROW: I'm trying to look at no one and I'm looking at everyone!

[AndyC]

The Deadly Mantis:

(Hero and girl kissing in the car; she suggests it's time to go)
Crow: But I got a mantis in my pantis.