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THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs

Started by retrorussell, January 19, 2010, 05:47:51 AM

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Trevor

THE FINAL SACRIFICE

[Troy gets into the back of Rowsdower's truck] Tom: "Huddled in a pile of dirty laundry: it's just like home."   :teddyr:

We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.

Rev. Powell

THE SWORD AND THE DRAGON

[Villager stabs invading Mongol with a pitchfork]
TOM (to the tune of "Green Acres"): The chores!

Invincor: And when you find such a man give him this, my magic sword, to defend our land and people from all manner of enemies...
TOM: ...and get the five bucks he owes me.

[Montage of winter turning into spring]
CROW: OK, we get it, cycle of friggin' life!

MIKE: This movie has the same plot as "A Boy Named Sue."
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Rev. Powell

Quote from: ChaosTheory on June 11, 2013, 11:40:24 AM
from the SNOW THRILLS short:

Narrator (during ski footage): The correct way to pronounce it is "Shi-ing"!
Joel: Yeah, well you're full of skit.

In a later segment they discuss the sport of "Ski Joring":

JOEL: She whoring?
CROW: Next, on Sally Jesse Raphael...

also from SNOW THRILLS:

JOEL: There's nothing quite as pretty on a sunny day as arterial spray on the white snow.
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Rev. Powell

DANGER! DEATH RAY

MIKE: They've really captured the grandeur of white guys walking in herds.

MIKE: Abe Lincoln is 'Time Cop'!

[Hero and villain are playing pool]
TOM: Let's put our balls on the table, shall we?
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

AndyC

Leech Woman:

Mocking the jungle guide's affected accent.

Crow: "Blast. I appear to be dead. Still, must make the best of it. Simply redouble our efforts and grab a lorry and take a lift up to the derby and everything should be just blobby in a week or so."

And the running Granny joke.

Servo: "Jeeeeed!"
---------------------
"Join me in the abyss of savings."

retrorussell

Sky Divers:
(Beth's pants appear poofy in the back)
Servo: Ugh.. she's got a pantload!

(Suzie goes into a drugstore to get acid from the shopowner in exchange for sexual favors)
Servo (singing): Sex for sundries is fun, hey!  Sex for sundries is fun, everybody!  Sex for sundries is fun..

(Various models greet the Aerial Show skydiving team as they board the plane)
Mike: Good luck, you're gonna die. 
"O the legend they say, on a Valentine's Day, is a curse that'll live on and on.."

ChaosTheory

MANOS:

the closing credits come up,
Joel: "OK, everybody pick out someone you wanna punch."
Through the darkness of future past
The magician longs to see
One chance opts between two worlds
Fire walk with me

Rev. Powell

SAMSON VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMEN

CROW: I just don't get the physics of a hovering bat.

[Samson enters movie for the first time, shirtless and wearing his silver mask and cloak]
MIKE, CROW: TOM: [Uncontrollable giggling]
TOM: I feel sort of silly now. Did I overdress?

[Closeup of rotting corpse]
MIKE: She's got combination skin: one part is fetid and one part is rotted.
TOM: Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Putrescence!
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Rev. Powell

"Chicken of Tomorrow"

Narrator: "The temperature of an egg when laid is over 100 degrees. Every minute it's left in a hot nest in a hot hen house takes away some of its moisture and freshness."
MIKE: So put your mouth under a chicken.
Narrator: "Gather your eggs often, three or four times a day"
CROW: Make sure to put them all in one basket.

THE BRUTE MAN

CROW: Et tu, Brute Man?

[Crotchety grocery store owner reading newspaper]
CROW: God is dead? Good!
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Trevor

THE FINAL SACRIFICE

[Satoris is threatening Rowsdower]
Mike: [deep voice] "Now give me your lunch money."  :teddyr:
We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.

Trevor

#430
I ACCUSE MY PARENTS [Watching footage of a field being plowed]

Crow: "Harrowing, isn't it?"  :teddyr: :teddyr:
We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.

Ozzymandias

TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000:

"Sorry folks, I've got an old Johnson...and my outboard motor isn't working either."

Rev. Powell

THE MOLE PEOPLE

TOM: Don't mind me, I'm going to go whip the mole.

[During a mole-person whipping sequence]
CROW: This is unpleasant.
MIKE: Just imagine it's Adam Sandler.
CROW: Suddenly it's great!

MIKE: This is the Jerry Garcia guitar solo of liturgical dance.
I'll take you places the hand of man has not yet set foot...

Trevor

Quote from: Ozzymandias on November 08, 2013, 02:50:16 AM
TERROR FROM THE YEAR 5000:

"Sorry folks, I've got an old Johnson...and my outboard motor isn't working either."

:bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:
We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.

Trevor

SPACE MUTINY

Commander Jansen: My father and his father before him...
Mike Nelson: Also taped wool to their faces.

:bouncegiggle: :teddyr:
We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.