THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs

[Rev. Powell]

THE SHE CREATURE

Carny: I knew her when she was a carnival follower. Every time we hit a new town, she's be there.
TOM: So she's a carnival preceder.

Leering Hero: Maybe we could talk about over a cup of coffee.
Busty love interest in low cut blouse: I'd like that.
TOM: Would you like a C-cup or D-cup of coffee?

MIKE: If I ever wanted to put a movie into a stump grinder, this is the one.

[Rev. Powell]

I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF

[Title comes up]
TOM: You are not drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's, young man, you're just not old enough!
[P.S. I think they did a joke about every single lyric in "Werewolves of London" in this episode.]

[Lame 50s jazz-rock plays at a teen dance]
CROW: They're listening to 'Kind of White.'

TOM: Doctor, I found letterman's jacket in my stool!

[RCMerchant]

Just a heads up-if you get COMET TV on yer cable-starting Sept.8 they're going to have the old MSTK3000 reruns-MANOS is first on the list-I forget the second feature-2 are going to run back to back on Sundays.

[Rev. Powell]

AGENT FOR H.A.R.M.

[At the 25 minute mark]
TOM: By this time in a James Bond movie there'd have been ten helicopter explosions, eight ski chases...
MIKE: Yeah, this spy movie is just kind of content hanging around the house.

Spy: "You think that this is America...Mom`s apple pie and all that jazz? Well, my job is to keep the apple pie on the table, and nobody asks me how I do it!"
MIKE (as science guy): "I'll just need an hour to figure out your metaphor."

[Bikini double agent Ava makes out with spy, then walks away and looks over her shoulder]
Ava: "Are you coming, or do I swim alone?"
CROW: Yes, and yes!

[Trevor]

WEREWOLF

Crow: [hearing a door closing] That was the sound of the director giving up and leaving.

[Rev. Powell]

PUMAMAN

[Sydne Rome is having trouble sticking an emotion]
TOM: "Now I'm confused. Now I'm happy!"

MIKE: Help, I'm falling at a sixty degree angle defying all the laws of physics!

TOM: Great: bending metal doors, no problem, subduing stocky senior citizens, that's another story!

[Rev. Powell]

"Robot Rumpus"

TOM: Aw, I was hoping this would be about robot rump.

THE SCREAMING SKULL

CROW: Can I help you, movie lady? You need a push or something?

CROW: Remember folks, if you die of boredom you do NOT get a free coffin.

TOM: Alas, poor Yorick; she threw him well.

[Rev. Powell]

IT LIVES BY NIGHT

[remarking on the very thin lead actress' resemblance to a certain TV icon]
MIKE: Mary Tyler Less.

Wife: "It's nothing but an allergic reaction!"
TOM: Shellfish makes me turn into a bat!

CROW: I was just pimp-slapped by a bat, how the hell do I put that in a report?

[Rev. Powell]

A Case of Spring Fever

CROW: How does Coily fit into God's plan for us?

SQUIRM

Mother: I just don't want you to be too disappointed if he doesn't come.
CROW: Mother! That's private!

Nick: Remember what I told you...
CROW: In the north, I'm considered very handsome.

TOM: Stop having worms in your body, you idiot!

[Leah]

http://youtu.be/Mkgu8-WC_U8
Really the highlight til the end.

From Space Mutiny:
During the opening credits:
Mike: Passed from editor to editor in a desperate attempt to save it.

David Ryder: Listen, lady!

Lea Jansen: Doctor!

David Ryder: Doctor!

Crow: Doctor Lady!


Mc Pherson: Gentlemen, it seems we are not all in agreement.

Mike Nelson: I disagree!


[the camera pans over a character that died in the previous scene]

Mike Nelson: Hey... Hey, she's dead! She died!

Tom Servo: Wow...

Captain Devers: Sir...

Crow: I think it's very nice of you to give that dead woman another chance!

[Rev. Powell]

DIABOLIK

[In Diabolik's lair]
TOM: Did you really need this much stuff to get some tail in the 60s? I thought a hi-fi would be enough.

Eva [to the inspector]: Please, let me have a moment with him alone.
MIKE: Well, you guys have never tricked me before, so I guess it's OK.

CROW [commenting on Michel Piccoli]: He's basically an eyebrow-delivery system.

I wonder if everyone is suddenly going to chime in all at once next week with riffs from the upcoming season once it's up on Netflix?

[Rev. Powell]

REPTILICUS

[The location title "Copenhagen" flashes on screen]
CROW: We interrupt REPTILICUS, already in progress, to bring you COPENHAGEN, the movie!

Soldier: He's headed for the beach!
JONAH: On a weekday? Must be nice.

[Shot of crowds fleeing the monster]
JONAH: Run! They're screening REPTILICUS, save yourself!

[Rev. Powell]

CRY WILDERNESS:

[Shot of middle-aged biker dude]
CROW(?): This guy needs more ways to cover his face, like another eye patch, a different bandana, and a second beard.

[Shot of a tiger]
CROW?: I'm as surprised I'm in this movie as you are, folks.

CROW: Dad, do you now what happened to the last man who crossed me? I left him crawling in the lake with no eyeballs.

[Rev. Powell]

TIME TRAVELERS

CROW: I'm actually traveling through time now at the rate of one hour per hour.

[After hot future girl hits on nerdy present guy]
JONAH: Dear "Time Traveler Forum," I never thought that this would happen to me...

TOM?: And like a true hero, Steve gingerly makes his way to the back.

[Trevor]

CRY WILDERNESS:

CROW: Dad, do you now what happened to the last man who crossed me? I left him crawling in the lake with no eyeballs.

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Now I really want to see the new MST3K