A.J. and J.J. Bauer Reviews: Rats Night of Terror

Olivia Bauer · November 19, 2011, 07:37:22 PM

Bruno Mattei, a name in cinema associated to schlock. Some would say this man is on the same level as Edward D. Wood Jr.; I think that comparing these two is dishonoring Ed Wood. While Eddy craved attention and the life of a director Mattei craved only money. He cashed in on the biggest crazes by making poorly-shot knock-off flicks, much like the despised Asylum Studios.

Tonight I shall endure the mental anguish brought on by one of Mattei's films, RATS - NIGHT OF TERROR! I shall delve into this film with little to no knowledge. Will this film be hilariously poorly-made schlock or a display or idiocy that will plunge me into mental anguish? Tonight, we shall know.

Today, I will be accompanied by a guest. My dear cousin Joshua John Bauer. He was with me for Mac & Me and Pervert! and now he's come to assist with tonight's viewing. Bit him fair welcome, and good luck.

InformationGeek · November 19, 2011, 08:41:22 PM

Hmm... looks like the kind of film I like. Good luck to you on this.

Also, I'll get you next time with Standing Ovation. Next time! *Insert Cat Meow here*

Olivia Bauer · November 20, 2011, 04:00:24 PM

IT'S SHOWTIME!

Olivia Bauer · November 20, 2011, 04:00:56 PM

Start - Oh god! Pick a dub! Jesus, my poor ears!

Olivia Bauer · November 20, 2011, 04:01:39 PM

0:47 - You expect me to pay attention with this dubbing?

Olivia Bauer · November 20, 2011, 04:02:54 PM

2:08 - Lucifer? I figured I was in Hell.

J.J. Bauer · November 20, 2011, 04:05:18 PM

Start- Worst. Dub. Ever.

Olivia Bauer · November 20, 2011, 04:07:14 PM

4:00 - Really? Do you need the epic music for the guy taking his gloves off?

J.J. Bauer · November 20, 2011, 04:08:21 PM

4:35- What kind of gun is that?!

Olivia Bauer · November 20, 2011, 04:08:45 PM

5:26 - The patrons probably cleared out when they found out Bruno Mattei was shooting a movie in the bar.

Olivia Bauer · November 20, 2011, 04:09:49 PM

6:13 - Again with the dub! If you're going to dub a movie you can't play both the original audio and the dub at the same time!

Olivia Bauer · November 20, 2011, 04:11:02 PM

7:55 - Aaaaaaaand how long are we holding this shot?

Olivia Bauer · November 20, 2011, 04:11:35 PM

8:22 - Let's hope there isn't a crystal skull inside.

Olivia Bauer · November 20, 2011, 04:12:37 PM

9:33 - That isn't how you- uh guys- uh. Mind your table manners. uh- guys...

Olivia Bauer · November 20, 2011, 04:13:07 PM

9:52 - I GET IT! YOU FOUND FOOD! I'm happy for you! SHUT UP!