Best Tripadvisor review ever!

[Trevor]

From a hotel in the Western Cape, South Africa:

The staff of the Hotel is very rude, especially a lady called Teesa has a nostalgic attitude. Beware if you order eggs to her instead of serving she can throw on your head. Very dirty toilets, smelly room.

[Trevor]

And this one: I swear that I have never stayed in the Table Bay Hotel, Cape Town 

The net curtains in the room rarely get washed and to cap it all, there was a dirty pair of men's underpants in our laundry bin.

That is a five star hotel: you can see them through the hole in the roof 

[Trevor]

This one from East London, South Africa:

To be honest the time I got attacked by a rhino was a better experience than staying in this dump of a hotel. My family saved up all year to get a waiter who fancied my wife. The water didn't taste like water and the burgers were raw. My bed was made of cardboard and I still have a sore back. The food wasn't poor. I hated it:  one night I slept outside and it was better.

Terrible to know being attacked by a rhino  is better than staying here.

[Trevor]

Another one from Cape Town:

Room 226 has a shower in the middle of the room, so be prepared to get naked with your roommate(s) watching.

[Trevor]

This one made me LOL just now:

The first night on going to bed we couldn't turn the lights out so we rang for someone to come and sort it out 3 men turned up and started to pull the bed out with me still in it.

[bob]

 

[Flangepart]

You just prepped the jokes for the movie 'Mr. Bean does Africa."

[Trevor]

One from a hotel in Bologna, Italy: I might be going there in 2018 for the FIAF Summer School 

If you are the kind of person that needs to go to the toilet from time to time, this hotel is not for you.
This was by far the worst hotel experience of my life.
I received a room with a broken toilet, requested to receive a different room, was denied and promised the toilet would be fixed.
Nothing was fixed, and eventually my entire stay in the hotel was without a working toilet.
Needless to say, the management completely ignored my situation, and didn't even bother to apologies or offer a compensation.

Make yourself a favor, don't stay at this hotel.
I was so p**sed from my stay, that I took the time to write this review, DO NOT GO TO THE GRAND HOTEL ELITE OR YOUR WOULD REGRET IT.

[Trevor]

Here's another beauty from a central Johannesburg hotel:

This Hotel should lose its license as it is actually a brothel in Braamfontein. I will never stay there again and will not advice anyone to ever stay at this place. This is a night club with hopes of being a hotel. Rooms is very small with thin walls you have to listen to other people sex noises the hole night especially Wednesday through to Sunday !!!!!!!

I wonder what the rates are? 

[Trevor]

From a hotel near to where Mom lives:

L'accoglienza orribile. Abbiamo aspettato un'ora per avere la camera. La stanza era indecente e senza wifi nonostante dichiarino che abbiano rete. Stanza umida e muffa nel bagno. Assolutamente da sconsigliare.

My Italian is a little iffy but I don't think they enjoyed their stay. 

[Chainsawmidget]

From a hotel near to where Mom lives:

L'accoglienza orribile. Abbiamo aspettato un'ora per avere la camera. La stanza era indecente e senza wifi nonostante dichiarino che abbiano rete. Stanza umida e muffa nel bagno. Assolutamente da sconsigliare.

My Italian is a little iffy but I don't think they enjoyed their stay. 

Translation?

[Trevor]

From a hotel near to where Mom lives:

L'accoglienza orribile. Abbiamo aspettato un'ora per avere la camera. La stanza era indecente e senza wifi nonostante dichiarino che abbiano rete. Stanza umida e muffa nel bagno. Assolutamente da sconsigliare.

My Italian is a little iffy but I don't think they enjoyed their stay. 

Translation?

The horrible reception. We waited an hour to get the room. The room was gross and no wifi despite declare that they network. Room damp and mold in the bathroom. Absolutely not recommended

.

Guess I was right. 

[Trevor]

Probably the largest cockroach community on the planet, planned to stay for a week - booked out after one night.

[Trevor]

From the infamous Hans Brinker Hostel in Amsterdam:

Receptions was extremely unpleasant. We took a 6 bed mixed dorm. The room smelt like vomit and the beds were dirty. We ended up leaving and going to another hostel.

[Chainsawmidget]

Town House Motel -- Tupelo, MS
"There was a puddle of blood in front of our door!"

Club Aqua Gumbet -- Gumbet, Turkey
"The head chef exposed himself and the caretaker was perving on my 13-year-old daughter"

Boulevard Hotel Ocean Drive -- Miami Beach, FL
"DIRTY ROOMS, with GLASS in the actual bed under the sheet. I was STABBED in the butt!!! Yes the left cheek of my buttocks by a piece of GLASS that was in the bed. I could not stop BLEDDING (sic), the ambulance and police was called out"

Midtwon Inn
"This joint is Nasty and the staff is RUDE to a fault. They are well over priced for the Slum that it is. My employer booked the room as lodging for myself. They have huge problems
with the Fire Alarm system as it goes off for almost any reason or time of night.
Further they have long term renters that are on the Sexual Registry as offenders.
Also some mentally ill woman walks around the hall ways screaming and rambling. at any time of the night. I discourage all to look for a more suitable and clean hotel for their needs.Cheap rates will save a buck or two, but it is money wasted. Go some where else .Also the photo's show a swimming pool, NOT it is a water trap now and full of bugs.
I would not ever stay there again. I almost quit my job as my employer would not rebook me into a cleaner hotel. I needed my job,so for a cheap room rate I suffered that nasty hole in the wall. I did inform my boss that I would not ever stay there again. And that I would resign if he insisted that I stay there again."