Classic TV Shows Updated To 2020

[ER]

If it came out in 2020, I think The Brady Bunch might go something like this....

The ultimate in blended families, no one is biologically related, only united in pure love, with zero incestuous feelings, and almost total amnesia about life before the merge.

Mike would be openly gay, totally cool, and wise as ever, living in a celibate but loving marriage with his wife Carol, whom he deeply loves in a cordial, sisterly fashion. (Uh, Carol's the sister, figure not Mike, Mike's still manly.)

Carol would be Mike's haggy best friend, but an alcoholic, probably abused by her first husband but she can't remember, and her inner desire is for Mike to make passionate love to her, but she couldn't be more understanding of why her body fails to arouse him.

Alice would be an Iraq War vet with dark issues that re-appear to her in dream form. She vaguely remembers shooting a truckload of Iraqis but can't quite pull the memory out.

Greg would be half black, half Cuban, and slightly stressed about being uncircumcised, but Mike's wise counsel would guide him to personal acceptance....and the knowledge that in Mike's culture, uncut men are a fetish commodity, which makes Greg feel good about his dangly member..

Marcia would be transgender, but still valedictorian and a prom queen. Her strange phobia revolves around a curious desire to protect her nose.

Peter would be adopted after he was a homeless orphan with alopecia, but all in all he's the most well-adjusted and happy Brady.

Jan would be about the same as in the '70s, the needy one, only in this time we find her in intense therapy sessions with a school counselor we never see, only hear as a distant voice. There are hints that this counselor may be in Jan's head.

Bobby, an Asian refugee brought home after being discovered by Mike in the wreckage of a sunken barge, never talks except through gestures made with sock puppets.

Cindy would be the same cute ragamuffin tyke we all knew and found annoying loved, though here she's be molested by Sam the Butcher, but hiding it, except she tells Bobby's puppets, who sometimes try to inform the family but nobody pays attention, only laughs, thinking it's a comedy gag.

Tiger would be played by a different dog every week, to see if anyone would notice.

Again, we would never hear mention of life before the formation of the Brady collective, never see any toilets in the house, nobody ever perspires, none of the boys ever wank, and none of the female Bradys get periods. Life in Bradyland is still in some ways almost idyllic.

Til the Cousin Oliver comes, and his last name is revealed to be....Bateman.

[RCMerchant]

GILLIGAN'S ISLAND- They end up killing and eating each other.
Gilligan and Skipper end up the last 2...with Skipper tracking Lilttle Buddy through the jungle.

[Svengoolie 3]

Lost in space. The Robinson family are part of a program to rescue the elite from an earth no longer habitable while leaving the "undesereables" (Most people ) to die. Dr. Smith is actually an "undesireable" who refuses  to die on earth andstowsaway to survive.... What?  They already...?  Never mind.

[pacman000]

This thread is disturbing... 

[LilCerberus]

The Young Ones
Either it would end up an animated series on FOX, or some idiot at ABC would try to put some nonsensical logic behind everything...

[Svengoolie 3]

This thread is disturbing... 

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

[LilCerberus]

The Young Ones
Either it would end up an animated series on FOX, or some idiot at ABC would try to put some nonsensical logic behind everything...

Or if it wound up on the CW, they would replace all the characters with women who happen to be gay, though they would never be seen doing anything gay, outside of trading insider jokes that the audience wouldn't get, and after an unsuccessful pilot, would get rewritten into some sort of unwatchable family oriented drama that they would keep moving around in hopes it would eventually find an audience...

[Svengoolie 3]

Blake's 7. Ghawd don't   let them update this....

The cast would be the rainbow coalition featuring a muslim lesbian, an atheist lesbian,  a gay Hindu male, a bisexual bi racial guy,  a militant feminist transgender woman, a person who was gender fluid non binary aromantic pansexual and one white guy who everyone constantly busted on.

 The bad guys would be a white male patriarchy capitalist hegemony.

[RCMerchant]

I DREAM OF JEANNIE would have Major Nelson as a psycho with Jeanie killing people at his every whim.

Or the opposite! He unleashes Jeannie, and she controls him. (She does anyway in the show). 
He's pretty much whipped. Like Darren in BEWITCHED. If Darren wasn't the buffon and was the  star, the show would be called BEWILDERED. Because he can't find his ass with both hands.

[RCMerchant]

Now that I think about it...can you imagine Gilligan and Ginger doing the hibbity jibbity?
That would be like watching a monkey try to f**k a football.
Which kinda describes most of my sex life. 

[Allhallowsday]

Now that I think about it...can you imagine Gilligan and Ginger doing the hibbity jibbity?
That would be like watching a monkey try to f**k a football.
Which kinda describes most of my sex life. 

What're you the football? 

[Svengoolie 3]

Ginger wouldn't    touch gilligan with a 10 foot pole, she was too Hollywood for a goober like him.

Maybe Mary Ann, after a year on the island, after being rejected by the professor. And Ginger.

[Gabriel Knight]

THE TWILIGHT ZONE would be just clips from a news channel. Our current reality is far more absurd than anything Rod Serling could've come up with.

[RCMerchant]

Now that I think about it...can you imagine Gilligan and Ginger doing the hibbity jibbity?
That would be like watching a monkey try to f**k a football.
Which kinda describes most of my sex life. 

What're you the football? 

It could go either way, I reckon. What ever the case, it won't be pretty.

[ER]

Scooby Doo

Scooby would be much the same but he'd be forced to appear in extracurricular fashion on those tasteless "I'm Neutered, I'm Cool" PSAs that run at night.

The Mystery Machine would be solar-powered or operate on banana peels or SOME green energy contrivance. Maybe a friendly ghost under the hood?

Shaggy would sport a few tats and piercings, kinda doing a retro Gen-X 90s look, and would never quite be able to smoke boo onscreen but the inside joke that he was doing it between scenes would be writ large.

Fred would be just back from a stint in the Peace Corps, where an encounter with an African bush spirit clued him in on the reality of paranormal, and set him on a path to find out what it's all about.

Daphne would be black. Beyond all doubt, black. She'd be the team's computer expert uploading the episodes onto YouTube, meta fashion. She'd also be vegan.

Velma would be out of the closet and (therefore) twice as smart as in the old days. She might even be Asian. There'd be some explanation for why she wasn't a candidate for LASIK, but if she was made Asian there'd never show her squinting again, that's a given.

Scrappy Doo would have been unmasked as a demon long ago and sent back whence he came, and only appear once or twice a season in impish phantom form, always dispelled back to the ethyr by episode's end, vowing revenge as he vanished.

Guests stars would be regular, from Al Sharpton to Jimmy Fallon to Wanda Sykes to Andy Cohen.

Featured foes would be Slenderman, Momo, the spirit of Joan Rivers, and a Ghost Hunters revival crossover event.

Hey, I'd watch this!