Seems I've been lied to all along

Trevor · July 24, 2020, 07:01:43 AM

My cousin called me this morning to tell me that according to Mom's doctor, she is not doing as well as I have been told and that once she is released from hospital and rehab, she is going to need 24/7 care for the rest of her life. The doctor also informed her that her heart has been damaged by the massive stroke and they do not hold out much hope.

I am not putting this on FB but only here: why have certain members of my family kept me in the dark?

Rev. Powell · July 24, 2020, 07:38:09 AM

Sorry Trev.

Newt · July 24, 2020, 07:43:53 AM

I cannot imagine being in your situation: unable to be there for your Mom and worrying yourself sick over that.

Perhaps your family members were trying to spare you the worst of that. If they could get home care arranged and settled in, it might have been a less upsetting scenario to present to you. I am sure they had the best intentions and did not set out to be hurtful to you.

Archivist · July 24, 2020, 07:53:52 AM

Oh Trevor, I'm so sorry. This is a difficult situation and you'll have to navigate through to the best way to work with it.

I'm sure it was done out of concern, to ensure that things were more certain and in place for when you arrived. It may not have been what you wanted, but it was likely out of concern for you. Are you able to be there yet?

pacman000 · July 24, 2020, 07:58:36 AM

I'm sorry. :(

bob · July 24, 2020, 08:26:27 AM

I'm so sorry Trevor.

Trevor · July 24, 2020, 08:45:52 AM

Quote from: Archivist on July 24, 2020, 07:53:52 AM
Oh Trevor, I'm so sorry. This is a difficult situation and you'll have to navigate through to the best way to work with it.

I'm sure it was done out of concern, to ensure that things were more certain and in place for when you arrived. It may not have been what you wanted, but it was likely out of concern for you. Are you able to be there yet?

No unfortunately, the lock down is still in force and we don't know when it will be lifted. It is doing untold damage to our economy.

Trevor · July 24, 2020, 08:47:52 AM

Quote from: Newt on July 24, 2020, 07:43:53 AM

I cannot imagine being in your situation: unable to be there for your Mom and worrying yourself sick over that.

Perhaps your family members were trying to spare you the worst of that. If they could get home care arranged and settled in, it might have been a less upsetting scenario to present to you. I am sure they had the best intentions and did not set out to be hurtful to you.

I actually want to call them and scream f**k you all for doing this but the fact is, if it weren't for my Mom's niece, she would have died a week ago. It is hard being here where I am and battling to deal with this. At least I have you guys which is a comfort.

Allhallowsday · July 24, 2020, 01:06:04 PM

Stay strong. Best wishes coming your way.

indianasmith · July 24, 2020, 01:06:56 PM

Love and prayers, my zombie brother!

Zapranoth · July 24, 2020, 01:15:49 PM

Sorry to hear this, Trevor. :(

My experience has been that people sometimes give overly optimistic, misleading, or outright lying second-hand history to other family because

A) they're medically stupid, or

B) they are in denial, or

C) malice / secondary gain / etc.

It's surprising how often people just can't synthesize medical information and give a meaningful synopsis, but health literacy does vary a lot. And I believe denial is underrated -- many people just don't want to believe the bad news and will flip and spin on the hook any way they can to believe otherwise.

RCMerchant · July 24, 2020, 01:20:50 PM

I know how it is, brother. Be strong.

chefzombie · July 24, 2020, 03:37:48 PM

i'm so sorry trev...i love you is all i can find to say...

Archivist · July 24, 2020, 07:57:19 PM

Quote from: Trevor on July 24, 2020, 08:47:52 AM
Quote from: Newt on July 24, 2020, 07:43:53 AM

I cannot imagine being in your situation: unable to be there for your Mom and worrying yourself sick over that.

Perhaps your family members were trying to spare you the worst of that. If they could get home care arranged and settled in, it might have been a less upsetting scenario to present to you. I am sure they had the best intentions and did not set out to be hurtful to you.

I actually want to call them and scream f**k you all for doing this but the fact is, if it weren't for my Mom's niece, she would have died a week ago. It is hard being here where I am and battling to deal with this. At least I have you guys which is a comfort.

You've got all of us, Trevor. We're here for you in whatever way we can be.

Paquita · July 24, 2020, 09:32:03 PM

So sorry Trev. I know it's got to be tough but try not to be too angry. Sometimes when people are emotional, they don't know what to say or think. And as Zapanroth eluded to, sometimes medical information just goes over people's heads and being emotional can make it harder to process or accept that information.

Hoping for the best for you and your family. Lots of love to you.

Seems I've been lied to all along

pacman000