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Movies => Bad Movies => Topic started by: CheezeFlixz on June 28, 2008, 09:46:38 PM



Title: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: CheezeFlixz on June 28, 2008, 09:46:38 PM
In homage to Andrew's reviews and his "THINGS I LEARNED FROM THIS MOVIE" section and for those of us too tired, too lazy, or too short on time to write a full review. I thought (therefore I am) a thread highlighting things we learned from movies we've seen.

Things I learned from ...
DEATH CURSE OF TARTU (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060290/)

1. Great White Sharks a native to the Everglades.
2. Emptying the gun powder of 3 rifle rounds into a little pile can cause a huge explosion.
3. I torn piece of shirt make a great fuse.
4. Indians need not be Indian.
5. Rubber spiders can kill.



Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Dr. Whom on June 29, 2008, 02:53:33 AM
Things I've learned from Azumi

Beware of small Japanese girls bearing swords
Japanese have high blood pressure (I'd say about 60 psi)
Elite assassins in classical Japan had a dodgy dress sense
Japanese warlords had a high turnover of henchmen


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Mouseboy on June 29, 2008, 06:10:03 AM
Things I learned:
If you want something done right you have to do it while yelling.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Jack on June 29, 2008, 07:29:42 AM
Copperhead - Sci-Fi original I saw last night:

1)  Gatling guns can fire close to 60 rounds per minute (minus reloading time)
2)  You can stick big metal spikes in the barrels of a Gatling gun and it will fire them just fine
3)  Most hardware stores in the old West had many of these spikes on hand
4)  Snakes can climb up the sides of buildings
5)  If snakes are invading your town, they will all come right down the main street
6)  Bank vaults are not bullet proof
7)  A single bullet hole is enough to provide breathable air for a dozen people in a bank vault for 24 hours
8)  Snakes are herd animals
9)  Snake venom is instantly fatal
10)  If you're the main bad guy and you're making your big speech about how you're going to kill everyone, and all your intended victims keep nervously looking behind you and shuffling away...um, might wanna look over your shoulder.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: BoyScoutKevin on July 01, 2008, 08:06:01 PM
Things I've learned from bad movies. It's tough to be a virgin . . .

The Beastmaster
Lair of the White Worm
The Story of Ruth
The War Lord
Wicker Man (1973)

. . . but someone has to do it.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: KYGOTC on July 01, 2008, 08:18:50 PM
Things I've learned from bad movies. It's tough to be a virgin . . .

The Beastmaster
Lair of the White Worm
The Story of Ruth
The War Lord
Wicker Man (1973)

. . . but someone has to do it.



Its also tough to be a non-virgin.
I dont think Ive seen a b-slasher that didnt have a scene where some shmuck gets her/his organs poked with some cold, sharp steel after or durring a a romp in the sheets.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Patient7 on July 01, 2008, 11:08:01 PM
The Feeding.

A black guy can still die in the climactic scene where nobody else is supposed to die.

There's a type of werewolf that can change at will.

If a black guy dies all he will say is "damn."


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: hellbilly on July 01, 2008, 11:29:02 PM
Things I've learned from Demon Of Paradise (1987)

-- Philippines residents can easily pass as Hawaiians
-- It's ok to swim in muddy brown water
-- Amphibian sea creatures are good for pulling boats at high speed




Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: The Dungeonmaster on July 02, 2008, 02:57:19 AM
From bad movies I learned: No matter what's going wrong in life, a case of beer, some good company and a b-flick will always make life worth living! Nothing makes me happier than sitting in the dark with a luminous flicker of gore, cheeze and sleaze!

Yeah yeah... I know that wasn't the fun format I was supposed to do but what I said is all that matters to me.



Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: CheezeFlixz on July 06, 2008, 09:55:58 AM
10,000 BC (2008)

1. Mastodons helped build the pyramids.
2. The plains, mountains, jungle and desert are all within a short walk of one another.
3. They had sailing ships 12,000 years ago.
4. Corn and Chili peppers grew in Mesopotamia.
5. Mew road horses 12,000 yeas ago.
6. There was no hypothermia or heat stroke in ancient times.
7. Terror birds lived in Asia. (they lived in South America)
8. Metal working is much older than I thought.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: CheezeFlixz on July 13, 2008, 10:16:51 AM
KONGA

1. Chimpanzees turn into gorillas with chemical injections.
2. Old male teachers have long been after young female students.
3. Scale model cities need not be to scale.
4. Gorillas have very white, human looking eyes with pinkish flesh around them.
5. Small pocket radios, insight dancing.
6. There is aways a shelter nearby.
7. In college you learn roots on plants help them absorb water and nutrients.
8. Morphing only requires a wavy blurr. 


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Saucerman on July 13, 2008, 01:48:13 PM
From "Manos," The Hand of Fate, I learned:

There are worse ways to spend 68 minutes than by hammering nails through my fingers. 


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Dr. Whom on July 14, 2008, 01:34:16 AM
Things I've learned from Yoyo Girl Cop

The yoyo is mightier than the katana


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: akiratubo on July 14, 2008, 05:23:16 AM
THINGS I LEARNED FROM THIS MOVIE

Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam
My standards for enjoying a movie are very, very low.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Jack on July 14, 2008, 06:50:34 AM
Moonbase:

1)  In the future, prisons will be constructed on space stations orbiting the planet.  I could - maybe - buy this if the prisons were impossible to escape from, but then of course the movie goes and demonstrates that they're pitifully easy to escape from.
2)  These prisons will be constructed from concrete blocks
3)  There will be garbage dumps on the moon.
4)  Bobcats - you know, those little front end loaders - work just fine on the moon.
5)  Having four guys shoot at you from ten feet away really doesn't pose that much of a threat to your life.
6)  Stick a couple of air tanks on a plastic hazmat suit, and you've got a fully functional space suit.
7)  A stereo amplifier, with little or no modification, can be used to boost the power of radio transmissions.
8)  In the future, home theater systems will come with some REALLY cool features.
9)  Magnetism is visible - it looks like lightning bolts
10)  The military will store their most powerful nuclear weapons - totally unguarded - in lunar garbage dumps.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: AllisonSNLKid on July 18, 2008, 08:09:39 PM
Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde

There are worse things to be.  For instance, you could turn into Sean Young.

Don't mess with Mother Nature - you'll grow boobs!

A man who can proudly declare he's a genius while wearing a pink neglige is confident in his manliness.

Perhaps Jim Carrey wasn't the great first choice.

Thank God Tim Daly had "Wings" to fall back on.

Thank God Sean Young fell off the radar after this movie. 

When a relative warns you about toiling in your late relative's failed experiments, you best listen.  But, the movie would only be fifteen minutes long.  How much fun is that?

Conversely, to avoid such a shortened film, CONDUCT THE EXPERIMENT!

No animals were harmed in the making of this film...because a dumb human tested the product instead.

I'm currently working on a review for this movie, so I'll likely use all of these for it.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Dr. Whom on August 11, 2008, 09:20:30 AM
From The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai

- Having a call-girl as your tutor improves your school grades no end

- Noam Chomsky is strangely arousing for Japanese professors


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: InformationGeek on August 11, 2008, 12:16:25 PM
What I learned from Eight Legged Freaks:
- Apparently, people can enter locked buildings, especially when we can clearly see the door being locked.
- Some windows make no sounds when breaking.
- Giant spiders love eating parrots, cats, ostriches, dogs, and the occasional mounted moose head.
- It's very rational to enter giant holes in the walls of your basement, especially after hearing something whimpering in it.
- Spiders bleed green goo.
- Giant spiders are strong enough to pull car doors off.
- Toxic waste seems to make your hair grow.
- Crossbows, chainsaws, sledgehammers, pitchforks, and things similar things can be found inside a mall.
- Spiders hate perfume.
- Guy in red baseball caps have better chances of survival then everyone else in a diner.
- Most importantly, I actually like movies about giant spiders attacking a small town.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Psycho Circus on August 11, 2008, 01:54:40 PM
Things I learned from Masters Of The Universe:

- The planet of Eternia is in fact, one room.
- You can't get shot when barechested, ever.
- Humanoid aliens can't grasp the concept of fried chicken.
- Finding weird instruments in open graves is perfectly normal.
- Lizards are afraid of skeletons.
- 80s synthersizers can open intergalatic portals.
- Harnessing the power of the universe will cover you in gold
- Dolf Lundgren can bring your parents back from the dead.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: AllisonSNLKid on August 17, 2008, 10:28:34 PM
Date With an Angel (not a bad movie, but something that could only have been made in the 1980s)

Fallen angels love Wendy's french fries.

Aspirin, when taken in large doses over a period of time, is perfectly safe.

Angels always get time on Earth for good behavior when they save someone's life...though I thought she was supposed to take him to Heaven.

The doctor said the brain tumor was very serious, and Jim was going to die...and all of a sudden, he'll be around for a long time?  What happened to the test audience ending? 

It's quite a romance...at least Jim will never be angry at The Angel for talking too much.

Dino DiLaurentiis' company made this...are you surprised it tanked?

I'm actually a sap for movies like this with mega happy-endings, but this movie was flat out an idea that only could have worked in the mid-1980s.



Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Jack on August 18, 2008, 07:51:46 AM
Black Swarm:

It's perfectly normal to trust your child to the man (whom you just met) who created the killer wasps that are now zombie-fying the town.
If you hear a swarm of wasps buzzing from a hole in the wall, you should stick your face in there.
Blind people made blind jokes every 30 seconds or so.
You can build a huge, top secret research facility under a town without anyone noticing.
Any miscellaneous manhole cover will probably lead you to the top secret research facility - that no one knows about.
If swarms of wasps are attacking - get outdoors as soon as possible!
Once turned into a zombie, you can walk around town all day without anyone noticing.
Once you've dressed in your wasp-proof clothing, and are looking right in the wasp nest, make sure you remove the screen over your face so you can see better.
It's normal to hire someone who hasn't lived in the town for a decade to be the sheriff.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Dr. Whom on August 16, 2009, 06:55:30 AM
Things I've learned from Godzilla, Final Wars

Earth's last hope is a Joseph Stalin lookalike with a katana


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: venomx on August 16, 2009, 11:54:51 AM
Things I've learned from Godzilla, Final Wars
Earth's last hope is a Joseph Stalin lookalike with a katana

That was Don Fry from UFC. :bouncegiggle: :twirl: :bouncegiggle:


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: InformationGeek on August 16, 2009, 12:10:45 PM
What I learned from Eight Legged Freaks:
- Apparently, people can enter locked buildings, especially when we can clearly see the door being locked.
- Some windows make no sounds when breaking.
- Giant spiders love eating parrots, cats, ostriches, dogs, and the occasional mounted moose head.
- It's very rational to enter giant holes in the walls of your basement, especially after hearing something whimpering in it.
- Spiders bleed green goo.
- Giant spiders are strong enough to pull car doors off.
- Toxic waste seems to make your hair grow.
- Crossbows, chainsaws, sledgehammers, pitchforks, and things similar things can be found inside a mall.
- Spiders hate perfume.
- Guy in red baseball caps have better chances of survival then everyone else in a diner.
- Most importantly, I actually like movies about giant spiders attacking a small town.

What do you know?  My first ever post on the website!  I've come along way.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: El Misfit on August 16, 2009, 12:41:07 PM
It Conquered the World:
-Aliens are always watching us
-Aliens abduct satellites!
-An alien's brain is its right eye :thumbup:


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on September 03, 2009, 12:38:30 AM
Presentation of your middle finger is seldom an effective defense against gunfire.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: El Misfit on September 03, 2009, 07:35:18 AM
From "Manos," The Hand of Fate, I learned:

There are worse ways to spend 68 minutes than by hammering nails through my fingers. 
when a Fertilizer salesman directs a movie, it will be bad


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on January 04, 2011, 09:12:12 PM
From Lady Terminator, & The Barbarian Queen;

It DOES have teeth! :buggedout:


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: ghouck on January 04, 2011, 09:53:17 PM
"The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"

Girls can be both sexy and ugly at the same time.



Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: diamondwaspvenom on January 05, 2011, 01:44:30 PM
Friday the 13th part V: A New Beginning:

If you're gonna kill anyone, don't hack the fat kid into pieces with an axe. You may push his distant relative a little too far over the edge.



Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: snowman on January 06, 2011, 01:42:20 PM
From watching bad movies I know that rural men living in the American South-east (Georgia, Arkansas, etc) are a bunch of gap-toothed, red-necked hicks who wear bib-coveralls and the women a bunch dim blonde's wearing cut-off jeans. And they all drive pick-up trucks with a full gun rack in the back window.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Criswell on January 06, 2011, 05:56:59 PM
From watching bad movies I know that rural men living in the American South-east (Georgia, Arkansas, etc) are a bunch of gap-toothed, red-necked hicks who wear bib-coveralls and the women a bunch dim blonde's wearing cut-off jeans. And they all drive pick-up trucks with a full gun rack in the back window.

There is some truth to that. Trust me.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on January 06, 2011, 06:26:39 PM
From The Beast Within;

There's a reason they don't teach fishtailing in Driver's Ed.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: El Misfit on January 09, 2011, 01:45:08 PM
From Xanadu-
There are just some movies that makes me bleach my eyeballs and set a firework right next to my ears.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on January 09, 2011, 02:54:54 PM
Timestalkers (TV)

It's medically possible to find a bandanna that looks a little bit gayer than Ace Hunter's.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: 100Nights on January 10, 2011, 12:01:19 AM
Quite a few movies:
Robots are just bad news.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on May 09, 2011, 03:08:58 PM
From "Happy Birthday To Me"

Trashing your car is totally worth a $20 bet.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Kaseykockroach on May 09, 2011, 05:14:52 PM
Every day should be Garbage Day.
Flying piranhas are serious business.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: A.J. Bauer on May 09, 2011, 07:54:11 PM
You can find Coca-Cola underground on the moon.
-Mac and Me


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on May 11, 2011, 06:08:00 PM
From just about every martial arts movie ever made:

Anybody with a hammer & hibachi can stamp out a five body katana in just a few hours.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: WildHoosier09 on May 11, 2011, 06:58:03 PM
From "Mindwarp"
The answer to having a problem with a dwindling population is to chuck people into a human sized juicer and drink their blood at whim.

From "The Descent"
It's unwise to rely on 100 year old climbing equipment left in the wall.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Trevor on May 12, 2011, 03:49:34 AM
From almost any B movie:

What you see on the cover you may possibly not see in the film.  :buggedout:

 :wink:


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: venomx on May 12, 2011, 09:58:47 AM
"Wolfman's Got Nards". The Monster Squad (1987)

Garlic doesn't always work on vampires. But 'holy water and garlic mix' does. The Lost Boys (1987)

If aliens ever invade Earth We're in deep, DEEP $h!t! (Most aliens vs Earth movies)


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: diamondwaspvenom on May 12, 2011, 11:10:55 AM
Things I've learned from most bad movies I've seen:

Sock puppets CAN kill.

Toxic waste can either change your life for better or worse.

When the old man tells you not to go somewhere, LISTEN TO HIM.

If you're in the dark and you hear a weird noise, it's never a good idea to investigate.

Never ever tell a monster to f**k off.

If one of your relatives has been acting strange lately, it's very possible that he/she is some kind of weird creature in disguise.

Most of all: the movie itself is often never as awesome as the cover suggests.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Kaseykockroach on May 12, 2011, 05:22:17 PM
Shooting someone in the nose causes them to explode. I'm surprised Jimmy Durante didn't go out this way. *cue rimshot*
-Killer Klowns


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Flick James on May 12, 2011, 05:47:21 PM
I've learned that men with slicked-back hair are almost invariably evil.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: WildHoosier09 on May 12, 2011, 08:03:10 PM
"The Faculty" - aliens are killed by cocaine substitute because it is apparently the only "anhydrous" material available.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Nightowl on May 19, 2011, 12:48:17 AM
Muscle cars must be destroyed by the end


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: 66Crush on July 02, 2011, 10:06:08 PM
From "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" I learned that apparently tigers are native to southern California. The tiger was never explained. Did it escape from the zoo or the circus, or did someone's exotic pet go awol?


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Flangepart on July 07, 2011, 08:46:46 AM
Logic is as unstable as water in an earthquake.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Psycho Circus on July 07, 2011, 01:17:04 PM
The average human cannot run to evade a potentially dangerous situation.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: slimrockwell on July 07, 2011, 01:32:29 PM
All I need to know about filmmaking i learned from the Toxic Avenger! haha


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: indianasmith on July 07, 2011, 07:04:21 PM
The office jerk will actually let a female zombie get within biting range to get a closer look at her boobies . . .


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on July 19, 2011, 01:27:35 PM
From Lady Terminator:

Women find it extremely rude when a man dies while she's trying to kill him.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Psycho Circus on July 20, 2011, 05:31:54 PM
Fred Olen Ray despises the concept of "pacing".


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: diamondwaspvenom on August 13, 2011, 11:37:23 AM
Who needs expensive CGI to create dinosaurs when you can just use your pet iguana?


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: claws on August 13, 2011, 12:26:24 PM
Working schizophrenia into a script is a clever tool to cover up plot holes and inconsistencies. In the end nobody can say for sure what was intentional or not.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: El Misfit on August 13, 2011, 02:34:59 PM
A dog is mightier than the sword


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Psycho Circus on August 14, 2011, 04:40:17 AM
People can see events relating to their friends and family via a flashback, when they weren't even present at the time.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: diamondwaspvenom on August 16, 2011, 12:54:26 PM
From TROLL:

Trolls are apparently deadlier than aliens.  :question: :lookingup:


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Couchtr26 on August 20, 2011, 02:07:28 PM
From most movies but especially those included in Mill Creek Box Sets:

My standards for acceptable are significantly lower then most of the population. 


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on August 21, 2011, 03:47:12 PM
From "The Story of Mankind"
Onlookers hated cell phone users long before it was invented.

From Harry Palmer & "The Billion Dollar Brain"
People hated Robo Phone long before it was invented.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on August 21, 2011, 04:18:30 PM
From THE DEVASTATOR (aka THE DESTROYERS) 1986

1) If you stumble across someone else's Field of Dreams in the middle of nowhere, It's really not a good idea to whoop it up & start celebrating.

2) When delivering an illegal load of guns to your buddies, you might not want to stop for a beer, particularly not in the town where they're waiting for you, and certainly not in the very same bar used as a hangout by the guys your buddies plan to shoot up...


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: diamondwaspvenom on August 23, 2011, 06:47:22 PM
From Species:

You may want to think twice about having sex with a smokin' hot blonde.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: JPickettIII on August 23, 2011, 11:59:14 PM
From Species:

You may want to think twice about having sex with a smokin' hot blonde.

Funny! :bouncegiggle:


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: JPickettIII on August 24, 2011, 12:01:54 AM
Commando - if you are very big (muscular) and carry guns you will not get shot or run out of bullets when taking on a small army.

Later,

John


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on November 19, 2012, 05:44:03 PM
From Happy Birthday To Me - For a twenty dollar bet, trashing your car is totally worth it!

From Tomboy - For a couple of chicks who want absolutely nothing to do with you, trashing your car is totally worth it!


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: AndyC on November 19, 2012, 07:23:08 PM
Control panels, computers and other electronic devices have as much current passing through them as the average arc welder, but hardly ever have fuses in case of shorts.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: clockworkcanary on November 21, 2012, 05:24:15 PM
What I learned from Friday the 13th movies:

Zombies, dead bodies, and rotting flesh never stink. In fact, the olfactory sense doesn't exist.

Psycho Soccer moms have man-hands; some final girls have a mustache.

Calling out someone's name is a death sentence.

Having sex, smoking dope, being handicapped, cheating, using the restroom, or making homosexual jokes equals a brutal death sentence.

Jason really hates hippies.

You do not honk the horn at Jason!

Crystal Lake construction contractors make a $h!t ton of money.

The only thing that can really kill Jason is the box office.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Jack on November 21, 2012, 06:07:06 PM
Paddle locks can easily be broken with a couple of whacks from a medium sized rock. 

Laser beams are visible and travel at about 100 mph.

Gopher traps are some of the most deadly devices ever invented, often breaking people's legs (even if they just get you on the heel of your boot) and having the uncanny ability to catch you halfway up the calf even though they're only about four inches high.

From the 1930's up until sometime in the '60s, women were afflicted by some strange malady that caused them to immediately lose consciousness at the sight of anything scary.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on November 21, 2012, 06:28:20 PM
If one party of motorist (good or bad) has an explosive, the opposite party conveniently has their rear windows rolled down.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: alandhopewell on November 30, 2012, 03:58:55 PM
     Fred Williamson CANNOT die-(http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/jackalope/fred%20williamson%20from%20dusk%20till%20dawn.jpg)shoot him, blow him up, he'll still be puffin' on that cigar, glaring at you....you should be running.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: ChaosTheory on December 04, 2012, 12:02:11 PM
From several movies but specifically ABRAXAS,
It is never not funny when pro wrestlers try to say big words.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Jack on December 04, 2012, 01:06:52 PM
From Starcrash:

There's air in space - you can break the windows out of a spaceship and you don't even get a draft.

The temperature can fall "thousands of degrees".  Never mind that absolute zero is -459 Fahrenheit or -273 Celsius.

Robots are vulnerable to mind-control waves.

There's such a thing as "computer waves".


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on December 07, 2012, 09:35:44 PM
From Nosferatu
You can make a bong out of a saxophone :twirl:


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: alandhopewell on December 08, 2012, 01:45:57 PM
     Richard Lynch deserves a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

(http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02254/Richard-Lynch_2254633b.jpg)


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: tracy on December 08, 2012, 01:51:35 PM
     Richard Lynch deserves a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

([url]http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02254/Richard-Lynch_2254633b.jpg[/url])


I second that....such an iconic villian. :wink:


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on January 07, 2013, 11:25:35 PM
From Fists of Bruce Lee:
Nothing says "you're screwed" quite like rolling up your sleeves.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on January 07, 2013, 11:53:18 PM
Also from Fists of Bruce Lee:
You can electrocute someone else by crossing wires with your bare hands, without electrocuting yourself....


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on March 21, 2013, 06:54:22 PM
Were they not painted gold, you probably wouldn't know that set of barbeque tongs is supposed to be a roach clip.
Were it not for the oversized roach clip, you probably wouldn't know that cigarette is supposed to be a joint.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on August 27, 2013, 12:37:51 PM
Only poor people own leather jackets.
Only poor people own Harley Davidson motorcycles.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: VenomX73 on August 28, 2013, 11:46:17 AM
The Time Machine (1960)

(http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/20/b3/37/20b3378587dce3096caafa21f156da34.jpg)

1. Everybody in the future is white.

2. In the future monsters will live underground and eat humans.



Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Bushma on August 28, 2013, 03:21:03 PM
When someone says "Trust me" you should run away as quickly as possible, because they are horribly wrong and should NEVER be trusted.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: VenomX73 on August 28, 2013, 04:59:59 PM
The Curse of the Werewolf (1961)

(http://www.hollywoodgothique.com/wp-content/uploads/Curse-of-the-Werewolf-post-copy.JPG)

1. Full moons happen every other night.

2. You can be BORN a werewolf.

3. IF YOU'RE IN A JAIL CELL WITH A WEREWOLF... YOU'RE F%$#%$


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: SynapticBoomstick on August 29, 2013, 01:07:56 PM
Before embarking on a trek into the jungle/dive to the ocean floor/ascent to the summit of a mountain/trip to another planet/stepping on that transporter, take care of things back home as follows:
  • a)Cut off relations with your mistress and family. If you have one, you are morally flawed and will die first; if you have the other, you are obligated to have children to return to and will die in the last ten minutes of the film.
  • b)If you have just met the perfect girl, leave her. Now, do it, it's the only chance of survival that you have. Love is the cilantro of the monster palette.
  • c)If you have a raging libido, do the rest of the team a favor and just stay home. Not only is your Golden Ticket obligated to be punched but you will take every person of the opposite gender that you interact with down with you. That's just selfish.
  • d)If you know nothing of the culture or customs of the country you're bound for, don't go. Just don't. Please?


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: snowman on October 14, 2013, 09:40:00 AM
Control panels, computers and other electronic devices have as much current passing through them as the average arc welder, but hardly ever have fuses in case of shorts.


6. No fuses.
Every time there's a power surge on the Enterprise the various stations and consoles explode in a shower of sparks and throw their seatbelt-less operators over Picard's head. If we could get Giordi to stop reversing the polarity for a minute, we could get him to go shopping at the nearest Starship parts store and pick up a few fuses. And while he's shopping, he could stop at an intergalactic IKEA and pick up a few chairs for the bridge personnel. If you're going to put me in front of a fuseless exploding console all day, the least you could do is let me sit down.


From  Top 10 Things I Hate About Star Trek  (http://ufies.org/txt/startrek.html)


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on October 14, 2013, 11:34:52 AM
All fat men wear boxers.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: zelmo73 on October 15, 2013, 01:19:08 PM
Things I learned from Twister (1996):


A tornado will not lift your truck off the ground so long as it has a Hemi.

Cows are lighter than people.

18-wheeler gas trucks are lighter than pick-up trucks.

As long as you are tied down, a tornado will not rip your arms out of their sockets and carry you away.

This tornado was brought to you by Pepsi, the choice of a new generation!



Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: alandhopewell on October 17, 2013, 02:16:38 PM
      People from Fundamentalist Christian households turn out to be serial killers, unless they're black women; then they become possessed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MckW5bcHNDs


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: alandhopewell on March 17, 2014, 12:52:14 PM
     If there's a dance sequence in a bad movie, everyone dances to different music, NONE of which is the music playing on the soundtrack.

The Creeping Terror - Dance Hall (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv0MEZX45NE#)


Do The Jellyfish by Neil Sedaka (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzadUo474Lo#)


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on March 17, 2014, 01:20:14 PM
A six inch gold bar weighs a little less than a pack of cigarettes, & actually gets lighter the more of them you pile on.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: SynapticBoomstick on March 24, 2014, 07:06:48 PM
If you own a a car or boat, run a boat charter business of any kind, or fly a plane, either commercial or private, do not under any circumstances accept business from the following person or group of people:


  • -Any group of naturalists or anthropologists whose team leader's background, accent, baldness or gray hair, or any other thing that marks them as different from the rest of the meat. This person is rotten to the core and has a hidden agenda to exploit either the local natives, wildlife, or resources for his/her own gains. They will get everyone killed and your boat will sink.
  • -Any group of "naturalists" booking passage to the Congo via airplane. You will lose your airplane and risk being torn apart by mutant gorillas.
  • -Any obvious group of international paramilitary thieves who want to use your boat to rob a cruise ship. There is guaranteed to be a monster involved and you will lose your boat.
  • -Anyone who holds a grudge of any kind against marine life. You will lose your boat (and in some cases, your plane)
  • -Any government body with classified cargo to transport. Everyone will die and you will lose both your plane and your boat.
  • -A group of violent individuals who show an odd dislike for sunlight and require that they sleep in the trunk/cabin during the day. you will lose any mode of travel that you currently have.

It's better just to never provide transportation to anyone, open a diner instead. However, do not do so near any of the following locations...


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on May 10, 2014, 11:21:26 PM
The Creeping Terror
A Guitar isn't really effective as a weapon against a (uh, whatever the heck it is) from outer space.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Lyedecker on May 11, 2014, 09:47:51 AM
If you experience visions of the future, other people will see it projected in front of you as well. (Time Runner)


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Jack on May 11, 2014, 10:58:40 AM
Cherry Bomb

Very large guys can take several bullets to the gut and it only slows them down.  They're pretty much impervious to any sort of pain actually.

If you stab someone in the stomach in the middle of a dance floor, not only will no one notice, but the guy won't make any sound, and he'll stand there until you've walked away before falling down.  And still nobody will notice.

It's quite possible for a guy with basically no firearms training to, using a pistol, shoot a gun out of another person's hands at a distance of 100'.  Without really aiming or anything.  Provided that he needs to explain a plot twist afterwards.

Throwing a brick of cocaine into a fan will immediately kill anyone who inhales it.

If you get beat up and have to go to the hospital, they'll allow you to stay there until all traces of bruises have completely healed.

Guys who own strip clubs are pretty much above the law because they've got incriminating pictures of just about every cop who might bother them.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: VenomX73 on May 11, 2014, 11:06:30 AM
Pit and the Pendulum (1961)

The iron maiden is the WORST way to go! I'd take the Pendulum any day over it.

(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3j8sMqIKsHg/Um3HZO-Oo8I/AAAAAAAAQTE/sOXCvqZ12yk/s1600/PitAndThePendulum_028.jpg)


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Lyedecker on May 11, 2014, 07:17:17 PM
Mariel Hemingway can breath in outer space. (Superman IV)

I can only conclude one thing: her character must've possessed kryptonian DNA.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Lyedecker on May 11, 2014, 07:31:16 PM
Great White Sharks roar. (Jaws The Revenge)


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ozzymandias on May 13, 2014, 06:35:25 PM
Ozzymandias speaks: It is something I will never use in real life, but I learned the best way to put on a bra from the film Bad Girls Go To Hell.

Ozzymandias has spoken!!!


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: jimpickens on May 18, 2014, 01:46:46 AM
You can fire a sawed off shotgun, regular shotgun, rifle, sub machinegun, and a magnum over 22 with one hand and have absolutely no recoil or muzzle climb from a moving vehicle and hit your target.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Flangepart on May 19, 2014, 12:53:04 PM
You are expected to run ahead of the giant monster...directly in it's path...where it is walking.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on June 03, 2014, 08:29:44 PM
DRESSED TO KILL (Spoiler Alert)


When putting a tail on a murder witness, It's probably not a good idea to assign a cop who looks exactly like the suspect...


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: VenomX73 on June 03, 2014, 10:14:56 PM
Great White Sharks roar. (Jaws The Revenge)

That's funny - I always say the same thing when I watch Jaws The Revenge...

and Jaw's roar is very close to the random monster's roar from 80's He-Man cartoons.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Trevor on June 04, 2014, 12:36:16 AM
Prepare to sometimes be surprised at a bad movie's entertainment value  :smile:


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: jimpickens on June 21, 2014, 12:21:33 AM
You can jump cars over everything from bridges, buildings, canyons, and other vehicles, ride a motorcycle like a maniac, fly an aircraft like a kamikaze and not even get so much as whiplash just a few scratches. 


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Jack on June 21, 2014, 06:34:20 AM
You are expected to run ahead of the giant monster...directly in it's path...where it is walking.

Same if someone's chasing you in a car - always remain in the center of the street, never go behind a tree or a parked car.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Josso on June 21, 2014, 10:11:44 AM
If you hit the back of a car on a surface street you will spin and flip in the air like a badass


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on June 28, 2014, 11:14:42 PM
From anything made before Jane Goodall was born...
Vampires & gorillas have a few things in common! :lookingup:


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on July 09, 2014, 11:05:56 PM
A seven foot long, four foot wide, six foot deep grave can be exhumed with minimal effort in about ten minutes.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: alandhopewell on July 10, 2014, 03:12:41 PM
     Experts on vampirism who provide employment / shelter for victims of vampires NEVER suspect that said individual just might l be working for the monster.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on September 24, 2014, 10:16:27 PM
While chemotherapy tends to cause one's scalp to go nekkid, it has absolutely no effect on one's eyebrows or other body hair.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Jack on September 25, 2014, 07:44:11 AM
From Age of Tomorrow:

When the military builds a billion dollar spaceship, they don't actually train anyone to fly it.  If you need to use it, you take a half-hour class.

Even though aliens are impervious to sustained assault rifle fire, that doesn't mean that an axe thrown by a main character won't kill them easily.

A general who sits behind a desk all day gets to fly billion dollar spaceships into combat.  'Cause he's a general.  And it only takes a half-hour to learn.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on November 22, 2014, 02:13:38 PM
The Bowie Knife existed long before Jim Bowie was even born.
_____________________

The nightmare of drug addiction is all about wanting a Twinkie at an awkward moment.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on December 12, 2016, 01:21:17 AM
When one has a single cybernetic hand capable of superhuman strength, then the ratios of strength, leverage, foundation, etc. from the elbow to the shoulder, hips, legs, feet, etc, become totally irrelevant when needing to perform tasks such as stop a moving car, rip a solid steel door from it's hinges or bend a firearm in half using both your cybernetic and non-cybernetic hands...


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: AoTFan on December 18, 2016, 08:29:03 PM
There's a cliche that people never cough, sneeze, or show any signs that they are in anything less than perfect health and a corollary that says that coughing is always the sign of a fatal disease.

But I would add this: sneezing is a sign of someone with allergies.  And everyone with allergies is always some wussy, nerdy guy (usually with an inhaler) who will then complain about said allergies throughout the movie (if it's a comedy/80s adventure) or until he gets killed (if it's a horror movie).  

Off screen hero teleportation.  We've seen this with serial killers, how they can just suddenly "appear" someplace ahead of the victim even though they've been walking at a leisurely pace compared to the victim's full speed boogie, but this also works in reverse as well.  Often the heroes will be hiding somewhere, say, in a closet, when the bad guy will enter the room.  We cut to the heroes looking scared, bad guy looking around, bad guy leaving, then bad guy suddenly reappearing and checking the very space the heroes are in only for us to see the heroes have somehow teleported to another hiding spot.  


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: AoTFan on December 18, 2016, 08:30:51 PM
The Feeding.

A black guy can still die in the climactic scene where nobody else is supposed to die.

There's a type of werewolf that can change at will.

If a black guy dies all he will say is "damn."

Don't you mean while he's dying?  I don't think anyone, black or white, can say much after they're dead.   :teddyr:


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ticonderoga 64 on December 19, 2016, 11:34:00 AM
Female Martians need human men and dress like the vintage S & M catalogues...(DEVIL-GIRL FROM MARS)

Male Martians need human women and wear wetsuits..(MARS NEEDS WOMEN)

Martians that look like Timmy the Tooth catch colds..(WAR OF THE WORLDS)

Mars has a rat/bat/spider problem(ANGRY RED PLANET)

Some Martians have resorted to savagery(IT! THE TERROR FROM BEYOND SPACE)

Martians apparently do not like Santa Claus(SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS)

Mars not only has a yellow road like Oz does but a wizard in residence as well..(THE WIZARD OF MARS)



Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: alandhopewell on December 19, 2016, 01:36:46 PM
     If someone (especially a woman) is being chased by a bad guy in a movie, all they have to do is get to the nearest corner, turn the corner, flatten themselves against the wall, and the bad guy will go right by them, never seeing them.

     (Ever try it in real life? Don't work.)


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ticonderoga 64 on December 19, 2016, 06:12:42 PM
PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE

Bela Lugosi gets run down by car without leaving his front lawn..

Dudley Manlove as the alien leader has his own desk aboard the mothership..

It's both night & day simultaneously in the graveyard where the aliens get their dead subjects..

The dead guy with the cape has to keep adjusting it even when he's attacking someone..

The aliens have drapes and use wooden tables aboard their spaceship...

Apparently the cemetery has discovered transdimensional engineering as one of their tombs that is the size of a phone booth seems to hold at least a body and several people as well..

Aliens wear tights..and female aliens look good while doing so..



Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ticonderoga 64 on December 19, 2016, 06:24:55 PM
THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN(1977)

The space program uses a medical center which also doubles as a storage facility..

The rather large nurse runs straight through a plate glass door and suffers not the slightest cut..

A severed human head can float for hours down a river without sinking...

The local sheriff cannot seem to distinguish between a frozen turkey leg and human body parts..

Elderly couples like to play delinquent  and steal fruits from an orchard in the dark of night...

The Melting Man gets STRONGER as he melts even though he loses more and more bits of himself..

Headless bodies dont seem to distress the local police too much, in fact, no one bothers to look for the missing head..

Pornographers also moonlight as paparazzi in this area it seems..



Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: jimpickens on May 13, 2017, 01:23:25 AM
A single shotgun blast will blow a hole in person that you can see through or cause ones guts to spill a head shot from a 243 rifle will explode a human head like a ripe watermelon.   


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on May 13, 2017, 02:28:09 PM
A tin flask is an excellent alternative to a bulletproof vest.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Pacman000 on May 14, 2017, 10:00:52 PM
Melting Ice will fall to the bottom of the ocean.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ted C on May 16, 2017, 09:01:40 AM
Barrels of liquor are highly explosive.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Chainsaw midget on May 17, 2017, 12:43:22 AM
Barrels of liquor are highly explosive.
As are cars. 

In fact, if you're ever in a car accident, you need to get away from the car as quick as possible, because it will explode. 


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Dark Alex on May 17, 2017, 01:03:34 AM
Tentacles are never a good thing.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Pacman000 on May 17, 2017, 03:24:24 PM
Barrels of liquor are highly explosive.
As are cars. 

In fact, if you're ever in a car accident, you need to get away from the car as quick as possible, because it will explode. 
Assuming that it hasn't already done so.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ted C on May 17, 2017, 08:39:20 PM
Tentacles are never a good thing.
They are especially frightening when used as spears.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ted C on May 17, 2017, 08:50:55 PM
    Fred Williamson CANNOT die- shoot him, blow him up, he'll still be puffin' on that cigar, glaring at you....you should be running.
Unless he turns into a vampire.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ted C on May 17, 2017, 08:56:55 PM
6. No fuses.
Every time there's a power surge on the Enterprise the various stations and consoles explode in a shower of sparks and throw their seatbelt-less operators over Picard's head. If we could get Giordi to stop reversing the polarity for a minute, we could get him to go shopping at the nearest Starship parts store and pick up a few fuses. And while he's shopping, he could stop at an intergalactic IKEA and pick up a few chairs for the bridge personnel. If you're going to put me in front of a fuseless exploding console all day, the least you could do is let me sit down.


From  Top 10 Things I Hate About Star Trek  ([url]http://ufies.org/txt/startrek.html[/url])

But... but... standing workstations are supposed to be healthy...


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ted C on May 17, 2017, 09:04:39 PM
The Bowie Knife existed long before Jim Bowie was even born.
Jim got his somewhere.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: AoTFan on May 21, 2017, 10:53:17 AM
You can dive/get thrown through plate glass and not get a single cut!

Most psychologists are actually serial killers.

Cops are usually paired by their eating preferences, one's usually a health nut, the other less so.  Health Nut will usually look at his partner's meal and say something, "Uh... how can you EAT that?"

Zombies, despite having little to no brain power to speak of, have a great sense of dramatic timing and will do things like crouch down in the back of a car and hide there for hours waiting for a potential victim.

Slapping/hitting something on it's side will ALWAYS make it work.

When talking about someone, be sure and use vague "he/she/them" pronouns so people have to ask what the hell you're talking about.

In the military it's perfectly acceptable to answer direct questions from a superior with vague replies.  Ex, "Private, report, what's going on down there?"  "I think you'd better see for yourself, sir!"


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ticonderoga 64 on May 21, 2017, 04:48:24 PM
Fascinating facts about gorillas:

A gorilla can be fluent in carnival lingo(MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE)

A gorilla can evolve backwards into a chimpanzee, although they are two different species(KONGA)

A gorilla is immune to atomic rays and flame(KING KONG VS GODZILLA)

Gorillas are responsible for the destruction of Earth in the future(BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES)

Gorillas prefer blondes(just about every Kong film ever made..)



Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ted C on May 23, 2017, 09:51:42 AM
Fascinating facts about gorillas:

A gorilla can be fluent in carnival lingo(MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE)

A gorilla can evolve backwards into a chimpanzee, although they are two different species(KONGA)

A gorilla is immune to atomic rays and flame(KING KONG VS GODZILLA)

Gorillas are responsible for the destruction of Earth in the future(BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES)

Gorillas prefer blondes(just about every Kong film ever made..)

A male gorilla can't tell a female gorilla from a man in a gorilla costume (Trading Places)


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: alandhopewell on May 23, 2017, 10:57:09 AM
You can dive/get thrown through plate glass and not get a single cut!

Most psychologists are actually serial killers.

Cops are usually paired by their eating preferences, one's usually a health nut, the other less so.  Health Nut will usually look at his partner's meal and say something, "Uh... how can you EAT that?"

Zombies, despite having no brain power to speak, have a great sense of dramatic timing and will do things like crouch down in the back of a car and hide their for hours waiting for a potential victim.

     Also, zombies, although they're decaying corpses, don't seem to smell.

Slapping/hitting something on it's side will ALWAYS make it work.

When talking about someone, be sure and use vague "he/she/them" pronouns so people have to ask what the hell you're talking about.

In the military it's perfectly acceptable to answer direct questions from a superior with vague replies.  Ex, "Private, report, what's going on down there?"  "I think you'd better see for yourself, sir!"


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Flangepart on May 24, 2017, 04:55:47 PM
>  Also, zombies, although they're decaying corpses, don't seem to smell.<
Hence, nobody ever asks "WHAT is that smell!" before they get et.

Mutant fish always seem to want to become land hunters.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Dark Alex on May 25, 2017, 08:50:05 AM
Punching out a window is easy and has no risk of injury.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: AoTFan on May 25, 2017, 11:44:01 PM
Any bonehead with a paper clip, hairpin, or just some loose wires can pick a lock in under a minute.

Any bonehead can fly a plane and/or deliver a baby.  Heck, it's possible to do both at once.

It's really easy to knock someone out with just one punch, and you don't have to worry about them suffering a concussion.  

When being chased by a monster/killer/mutant creature, don't bother to stop and explain the situation to any passerby you happen to come across, odds are they're dogmeat anyway.

Alien planets always look suspiciously like Arizona.

Most alien females (even if they seem to be a reptilian-based species) will inexplicably have boobs and look just human enough to be hot.

A lot of places in the United States have, for some inexplicable reason, signs with Canadian spellings.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Pacman000 on May 30, 2017, 10:04:10 AM
Kodak's right; backgrounds shouldn't be cluttered.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: AoTFan on June 12, 2017, 11:48:28 PM
In a huge, city-wide disaster is usually still possible to drive from one place to another even if under normal circumstances it would take forever because of regular traffic.

In a zombie apocalypse 99 percent of the remaining population immediately become a***oles.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: BoyScoutKevin on June 20, 2017, 01:22:54 PM
Punching out a window is easy and has no risk of injury.

As does being thrown thru a closed window or jumping thru a closed window.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Chainsaw midget on June 25, 2017, 05:31:23 PM
Police constantly get prank phone calls about people being attacked by monsters, maniacs, or ghosts.  That's why they never believe them. 

If you have bullets and you have a gun, the two of them will work together. 

You're not being taught proper martial arts unless you're being taunt by an old man with white hair and probably a mustache of beard. 


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ted C on June 25, 2017, 05:35:03 PM
The lone scientist opposed by the scientific consensus is always right. Or he's the villain. Flip a coin on that one.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on June 25, 2017, 05:35:20 PM
One thing cops hate more than having to do their jobs, is when citizens do it for them.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: AoTFan on June 25, 2017, 10:55:45 PM
Never trust a hot chick that inexplicably that wants to make out with you.  Odds are good they either a) just after money, b) possessed by some demon/monster and want to kill you or c) will lead into a trap to get you mugged and/or your kidney/organs removed.

Dogs will save your life in a horror movie... unless you're in Italy.  Then odds are they're just become possessed and rip your throat out.

Always inquire as to WHY the house/property is so insanely cheap BEFORE you go moving in.

Stealing s**t from dead people never ends well.

If your dog/cat/horse or other pet acts really weird and squirrely around one particular person, immediately shoot said person.  Odds are they're up to no good anyway.

Running a fruit stand is one of these most dangerous business in the world, as these are often destroyed during reckless, high speed car chases.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Chainsaw midget on July 02, 2017, 11:00:37 AM
"There's a local legend about ..." no.  It's not a legend.  It really happened and it's probably going to happen again.   Soon. 

Never ever EVER go to an old cabin in the middle of the woods for spring break/summer break/the last trip before college.  If you are going, check the place out before you spend the night. 



Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: AoTFan on July 03, 2017, 05:18:23 PM
Gas is magical!  Although potent enough that a single line poured on concrete will instantly turn into a snake of fire when you drop a lit cigarette on it, you can soak a room (or yourself) with it and nothing will ignite until the flame actually touches something.

BTW In reality, gas makes these things called "fumes" that can combust pretty damn easily.

Also, getting shot is no big deal!  Odds are the bullet will just "go right through" and you'll be at the hospital laughing at your buddies in a few hours with NO loss of mobility or painful rehabilitation.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on July 08, 2017, 04:44:00 PM
From  just about every '60s sci-fi / fantasy ever made:
Spending days, weeks, months, or even years lost in the desert/swamp/jungle ETC. will have absolutely NO effect on a bouffant hairdo.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: kakihara on July 08, 2017, 05:34:24 PM
you can avoid being hit by bullets by running in a zig-zag pattern.
you can actually dodge bullets  with cartwheels, rolling to one side, or jumping through windows.
with a little practice, you can kill or disarm someone with a knife or shuriken before they shoot you.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: kakihara on July 08, 2017, 07:50:43 PM
....and you can treat gun shot wounds and stab wounds with whiskey.
-Whiskey not only fights infection but its also an anesthesia.
-Whiskey is  great for meal replacement and rehydration.
-Old army jeeps can run on whiskey, except russion jeeps, they run on vodka.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: jimpickens on July 12, 2017, 01:00:33 AM
The Miz is the best action star of the modern era.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: LilCerberus on July 12, 2017, 10:42:12 AM
The Miz is the best action star of the modern era.
:question: Who? :question:


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ted C on July 12, 2017, 12:00:09 PM
From "Raiders of the Lost Shark":

  • Apparently every woman in Ontario wears a bikini under her street clothes. And a surprising number of people know about and want to visit and swim in private lakes in Canada.
  • Any bump to the hull of a boat will knock at least one passenger overboard.
  • You need to be waist-deep in a lake to collect a water sample in a test tube.
  • Local police in Canada/Ontario are exceptionally useless.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Dark Alex on July 27, 2017, 04:43:51 PM
People will always get into deep trouble by not understanding something and thus fearing it. Except for a single mother and her sole child.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: AoTFan on September 10, 2017, 01:16:49 AM
Dogs are somehow immune to natural disasters/alien invasions/explosions, etc.


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Blair on September 10, 2017, 05:21:37 PM
You will not be saved by the Holy Ghost.

You will not be saved by the god Plutonium.

In fact, YOU WILL NOT BE SAVED!


Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Chainsaw midget on September 13, 2017, 06:16:13 PM
In the event of a zombie outbreak, either the military is going to come in and save the day, or everybody is going to be eaten. 



Title: Re: THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.
Post by: Ted C on September 14, 2017, 10:46:35 AM
If you are a police officer or military person (active or veteran) who regularly carries a firearm, do not under any circumstances let anyone talk you into leaving it at home "just this once".