Fun and Fantastic TV Quotes

[JaseSF]

There's been so many great quotes on TV over the years (and as I used to write TV reviews for another site [you won't find them online anymore though], I have lots of quotes on hand)...so anyways I thought I'd share some fun and great ones I've jotted down back in my reviewing days...

(Batman: "The Dead Ringers")

Robin: "Holy Metronome! What a fate--punched into player-piano rolls!"
Batman: "True, Robin, scarcely an end I 'd rather anticipate! Life--a cupful of surprises to the last drop!"

(Star Trek: The Animated Series: "One of Our Planets is Missing")

Kirk: "Am I doing the right thing, Bones? Once I said "man rose above primitiveness by vowing  'I will not kill today.'"

(The Avengers: "A Surfeit of H2O")

Eli: "Mrs. Peel, it's you again. You should be preparing, the flood cometh."
Mrs. Peel: "Yes, well I 've put a down payment on a canoe."

(Kolchak: The Night Stalker: "The Zombie")

Winwood: "And how is this stiff walking, Kolchak? Who's pulling the strings?"
Kolchak: "Well, I don't know exactly, but I've been doing some research. It's voodoo. Francois Edmonds has been turned into a zombie. Now, the process that activates him has something to do with chicken blood and corn kernels..."

(Planet of the Apes: "The Trap")

"You don't really think you're any better than a gorilla, do you?"

(Justice League Unlimited: "Epilogue")

"The world needs a Batman"

(The Addams Family: "Gomez, the Politician")

Gomez: "The L stands for Lucifer."
Morticia: "Very appropriate for a politician."

(Doctor Who: "The Sun Makers")

Leela : "These  'taxes ', they are like sacrifices to tribal gods?"
The Doctor: "Well, roughly speaking, but paying taxes is more painful."

The Collector: "Grinding oppression of the masses is the only policy that pays dividends!"

(Spider-Man: "Specialists and Slaves")

"I the Radiation Specialist shall be king and Manhattan shall be my kingdom!"

(Red Dwarf: "Out of Time")

Rimmer: "You know the thing about Lister that really makes me want to puke, that makes me want to stab him in both eyes with an ice pick? Everything, that 's what! Especially his god-awful chirpy, gerbil-faced optimism! And as for the Cat, what an unbelievable git! And Kryten, if he doesn 't change pronto, I swear I 'll attach jump leads to his nipple nuts and fry him like a cajun catfish!"

(Justice League Unlimited: "The Balance")

Hermes: "It has been decreed by Zeus that Diana of Themyscyira will travel to Tartarus and put right that which has been unbalanced."
Wonder Woman: "So he 's telling me to go to..."
Hermes: "Basically, yes."

Shayera Hol: (spreading her wings for all to see) " That 's right. I 'm an angel. You can mess with me if you want to, but I don 't think you want to mess with the boss." (she points up towards heaven)

(The Outer Limits: "The Galaxy Being")

"Matter-Space-Time...All the Same."

(The Outer Limits: "The Architects of Fear")

"Some scarecrows don't even scare crows....One Might."

(The Outer Limits: "The Sixth Finger")

"Your ignorance makes me ill...and angry. Your savageness... must end."

(The Outer Limits: "The Man Who Was Never Born")

"Beauty is always on the edge of being lost."

(The Outer Limits: "The Zanti Misfits")

"Do not betray us...our privacy must be maintained. Total destruction to anyone who invades it!"

[Wag]

"Get that cheese to sickbay" - Star Trek Voyager. I think Torres said it

[JaseSF]

"I used to think I was going mad...it's the world that's gone mad. You become numb, disconnected, conditioned to accept every - every indignity..disposable." - Cold Case: Sabotage

[ulthar]

From "The Office" this past week:

Andy "Nard-Dog" Bernard:  When you looked in me, you forgot my balls.  They're on the outside.  Don't know how you missed them.

[SPazzo]

From Are You Being Served?
Mr. Lucas:  (writing) Dear sexy knickers, I don't half fancy you.  Meet me outside at 5:30 and we'll get it together.
Mr. Humphries: What?  Outside at 5:30?  You'll be run in!

[JaseSF]

(Star Trek: "The Conscience of the King")

"I no longer treasure life...not even my own. I AM TIRED!!!...the past is a blank"

(The Avengers: "The Man With Two Shadows")

"Doppelganger is as doppelganger does."

(Star Trek: "Where No Man Has Gone Before")

"Be a psychiatrist for one minute longer."

(The Twilight Zone: "The Hitch-Hiker")

"Saw him again 50 miles on and then again...a little shabby, silly-looking scarecrow man...no matter how far I travel or where I go-he's ahead of me."

[LilCerberus]

"I don't need pants to be foolish!" - Bob Saget, America's funniest home videos

Narrating a video of a guy running with the bulls, who dives back into the ring to get his pants back, which the bull has stolen.

[The Burgomaster]

BATMAN "Shame on you, Shame."

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

From the halloween episode of PSYCH.

(Sean and Gus are trying to solve a murder at a haunted house. The Psych guys are trying to pursuade an old friend to let them in the back door to the haunted house.)

Sean: Come on. Just let us in. We need to get the three of us back working together.

Old friend: No, we don't because you just get me fired from jobs.

Sean: Come on, we need to get the gang back together. Like 3 ninjas high noon at mega mountain.

Gus: Sean....that's the terrible one!

Had me cracking up.

[Doggett]

29 hours of necrophilia-filled fun!


Lexx

[ghouck]

Arrested Development:

George Senior (sitting in an SUV in a dealer lot) Do they still make the Bronco:

Salesman: No, Ford wanted to get away from the whole white Bronco chase scene, , this is an 'Escape'

[retrorussell]

BLACKADDER

(a few:)
Edmund Blackadder: I believe the phrase rhymes with "clucking bell".
~
Hag: "Two things you must know about the wise woman. First...she is a woman. Second...she is..."
Edmund Blackadder: "Wise?"
Hag: "Oh! You know her then?"
Edmund Blackadder: "No, just a stab in the dark, which is incidentally what you'll be getting in a minute if you don't become more helpful."
~
Lieutenant George: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do ?"
Edmund Blackadder: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."

[AndyC]

From Are You Being Served?
Mr. Lucas:  (writing) Dear sexy knickers, I don't half fancy you.  Meet me outside at 5:30 and we'll get it together.
Mr. Humphries: What?  Outside at 5:30?  You'll be run in!

My favourite is Captain Peacock repeating what Mr. Humphries said to a female customer in an attempt to get fired:
"Hello Dolly Baby, you've got the best pair of boobs I've seen since The Confession of Swedish Emmanuelle's Window Cleaner."

A few good ones from Red Dwarf:

Cat: What was it like, being a chicken?
Lister: Well, you've seen the size of an egg, and you've seen the size of a chicken's bum. What I was trying to say in chicken talk was "For God's sake, give me an epidural!"

Kryten's Spare Head 1: What about Spare Head 3? You can't just leave him here. He's got droid rot.
Spare Head 3: I don't need no bugger to look after me! I may be 'alf bad with silicon rickets, and me vocal unit may be shot to buggery, but I don't need sympathy from the likes of 'im!
(I think that whole scene is my favourite from the series)

(Lister has just heard that 3,000,000 years have passed, and everyone is dead, including Crissie Kochanski)
Holly: I don't suppose it's any consolation, but if she were still alive, the age difference would be insurmountable.

Toaster: What's the point of buying a toaster with artificial intelligence if you don't like toast?
Lister: I do like toast.
Toaster: This is my job. This is cruel, just cruel.
Lister: Look, I'm busy.
Toaster: Oh, you're not busy eating toast are you?

Lister: We don’t like muffins ’round here. No muffins, no toast, no teacakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes, no hot cross buns, and definitely no smeggin’ flapjacks!
Toaster: Ah, so you’re a waffle man!

[ChaosTheory]

From Arrested Development, I forget which episode,
Gob, as usual is trying to impress Michael with his virility,
"I had sex last night and it was DISGUSTING!"
Narrator: "He didn't, but it would have been."

From The Young Ones -
Vyvyan: "This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence."

Neil: "I can't get a job; I lead an alternative lifestyle!"

Vyv is mad because Neil hasn't made dinner yet:
Neil: "Oh, right, pick on me; why don't you make your own tea, Vyvyan?"
Vyv:"Because it's not my job to make the tea, Neil!  Remember what we agreed when we moved in?  Your job is to do the cooking and my job is to watch over the plants and goldfish"
NEil:"Yeah, and what'd you make me cook that first night?"
Vyv: "Sausages, it was Tuesday."
Neil: "yeah, sausages, AND?"
Vyv: "Sausages and plants and goldfish. Look, I discharged my duties, Neil.  You find a way to discharge yours."
Rick (chuckles) "That sound like the setup for a really dirty joke, doesn't it?"
Mike: "shut up Rick."


And then of course there's my sig.