Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!

[retrorussell]

Get off that pterodactyl, sarsaparilla butt!

[ER]

The twinkling flames on the pilot light were as blue as the frozen berry daiquiri she'd had the night she'd turned twenty-one, and the memory of that night cheered her for a moment---even a Top 40 song from that era flew through her mind---but then she remembered the tragedy of the present and decided she couldn't live in a world without Louis Rukeyser in it, so with her lips shaped into a perfect "O" she blew out the fire below the oven and settled down to wait for sleep unending, the hiss of escaping gas crowding out the sound of the cars on the street outside, its unchanging sigh a last melody.

[retrorussell]

My ex-wife (a water buffalo) gave me an STD which formed a horn in my left armpit; I went to the doctor to have it removed, but he spontaneously combusted.

[ER]

Eternal life being miserably boring without little wagers between deities, the sword's edge was filed to the thickness of merest atoms, yet Ganesh danced its length above the roiling fires, proving his grace before all witnesses to Kali's test, setting the albino monkeys in the gallery howling with laughter, and causing the purple sky to split with lightning forks crackling like the rage flying from the goddess' dark heart, as with pain she admitted, "Elephant god, today you win."

[ER]

See Dick and Jane run: run, run, run, away from Mr. Thompson's wandering hands.

[ER]

There are no second acts in one-act plays.

[retrorussell]

After polishing off a pint of Chocolate Cockroach and Earwig Swirl Haagen-Dasz I threw it back into the pile of manure from which I fetched it.

[ER]

With an insouciance characteristic of his kind, the dog ate the leftover spaghetti his master offered him, then dutifully fetched the nylabone in the back yard, all the while faithfully regarding his owner as a god, tamping down the heretical thought common to canines: how can these humans be so amazing and yet smell so bad?

[indianasmith]

My cat is secretly a lungfish in a feline body; late at night, when he thinks I am not watching, the fins poke out from under his fur.

[retrorussell]

Jack the pit viper read an article on the growing interest in disco orgies while eating a whale fetus.

[ER]

Gee, Michelle, do you think maybe I'm just plain wrong about everything?

[retrorussell]

Rubbing salt into your duodenum and paprika in your coccyx supposedly brings you Bohemian luck.

[ER]

Eat your candy floss before the Russians beat you to it.

[indianasmith]

Stay away from my frog or I will perforate your abdominal cavity!

[ER]

The woman, soon to number among the missing, was certain the Art Deco elevator with the flickering overhead light had been empty when she stepped onto it after working alone so late, so why, below a dirge of distant jazz, did she hear breathing coming from behind her, and why had a button for a non-existent 13th floor suddenly appeared on the panel, its glow an eerie shade of red?