THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM BAD MOVIES.

[AllisonSNLKid]

Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde

There are worse things to be.  For instance, you could turn into Sean Young.

Don't mess with Mother Nature - you'll grow boobs!

A man who can proudly declare he's a genius while wearing a pink neglige is confident in his manliness.

Perhaps Jim Carrey wasn't the great first choice.

Thank God Tim Daly had "Wings" to fall back on.

Thank God Sean Young fell off the radar after this movie. 

When a relative warns you about toiling in your late relative's failed experiments, you best listen.  But, the movie would only be fifteen minutes long.  How much fun is that?

Conversely, to avoid such a shortened film, CONDUCT THE EXPERIMENT!

No animals were harmed in the making of this film...because a dumb human tested the product instead.

I'm currently working on a review for this movie, so I'll likely use all of these for it.

[Dr. Whom]

From The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai

- Having a call-girl as your tutor improves your school grades no end

- Noam Chomsky is strangely arousing for Japanese professors

[InformationGeek]

What I learned from Eight Legged Freaks:
- Apparently, people can enter locked buildings, especially when we can clearly see the door being locked.
- Some windows make no sounds when breaking.
- Giant spiders love eating parrots, cats, ostriches, dogs, and the occasional mounted moose head.
- It's very rational to enter giant holes in the walls of your basement, especially after hearing something whimpering in it.
- Spiders bleed green goo.
- Giant spiders are strong enough to pull car doors off.
- Toxic waste seems to make your hair grow.
- Crossbows, chainsaws, sledgehammers, pitchforks, and things similar things can be found inside a mall.
- Spiders hate perfume.
- Guy in red baseball caps have better chances of survival then everyone else in a diner.
- Most importantly, I actually like movies about giant spiders attacking a small town.

[Psycho Circus]

Things I learned from Masters Of The Universe:

- The planet of Eternia is in fact, one room.
- You can't get shot when barechested, ever.
- Humanoid aliens can't grasp the concept of fried chicken.
- Finding weird instruments in open graves is perfectly normal.
- Lizards are afraid of skeletons.
- 80s synthersizers can open intergalatic portals.
- Harnessing the power of the universe will cover you in gold
- Dolf Lundgren can bring your parents back from the dead.

[AllisonSNLKid]

Date With an Angel (not a bad movie, but something that could only have been made in the 1980s)

Fallen angels love Wendy's french fries.

Aspirin, when taken in large doses over a period of time, is perfectly safe.

Angels always get time on Earth for good behavior when they save someone's life...though I thought she was supposed to take him to Heaven.

The doctor said the brain tumor was very serious, and Jim was going to die...and all of a sudden, he'll be around for a long time?  What happened to the test audience ending? 

It's quite a romance...at least Jim will never be angry at The Angel for talking too much.

Dino DiLaurentiis' company made this...are you surprised it tanked?

I'm actually a sap for movies like this with mega happy-endings, but this movie was flat out an idea that only could have worked in the mid-1980s.

[Jack]

Black Swarm:

It's perfectly normal to trust your child to the man (whom you just met) who created the killer wasps that are now zombie-fying the town.
If you hear a swarm of wasps buzzing from a hole in the wall, you should stick your face in there.
Blind people made blind jokes every 30 seconds or so.
You can build a huge, top secret research facility under a town without anyone noticing.
Any miscellaneous manhole cover will probably lead you to the top secret research facility - that no one knows about.
If swarms of wasps are attacking - get outdoors as soon as possible!
Once turned into a zombie, you can walk around town all day without anyone noticing.
Once you've dressed in your wasp-proof clothing, and are looking right in the wasp nest, make sure you remove the screen over your face so you can see better.
It's normal to hire someone who hasn't lived in the town for a decade to be the sheriff.

[Dr. Whom]

Things I've learned from Godzilla, Final Wars

Earth's last hope is a Joseph Stalin lookalike with a katana

[venomx]

Things I've learned from Godzilla, Final Wars
Earth's last hope is a Joseph Stalin lookalike with a katana

That was Don Fry from UFC.

[InformationGeek]

What I learned from Eight Legged Freaks:
- Apparently, people can enter locked buildings, especially when we can clearly see the door being locked.
- Some windows make no sounds when breaking.
- Giant spiders love eating parrots, cats, ostriches, dogs, and the occasional mounted moose head.
- It's very rational to enter giant holes in the walls of your basement, especially after hearing something whimpering in it.
- Spiders bleed green goo.
- Giant spiders are strong enough to pull car doors off.
- Toxic waste seems to make your hair grow.
- Crossbows, chainsaws, sledgehammers, pitchforks, and things similar things can be found inside a mall.
- Spiders hate perfume.
- Guy in red baseball caps have better chances of survival then everyone else in a diner.
- Most importantly, I actually like movies about giant spiders attacking a small town.

What do you know?  My first ever post on the website!  I've come along way.

[Leah]

It Conquered the World:
-Aliens are always watching us
-Aliens abduct satellites!
-An alien's brain is its right eye

[LilCerberus]

Presentation of your middle finger is seldom an effective defense against gunfire.

[Leah]

From "Manos," The Hand of Fate, I learned:

There are worse ways to spend 68 minutes than by hammering nails through my fingers. 

when a Fertilizer salesman directs a movie, it will be bad

[LilCerberus]

From Lady Terminator, & The Barbarian Queen;

It DOES have teeth!

[ghouck]

"The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo"

Girls can be both sexy and ugly at the same time.

[diamondwaspvenom]

Friday the 13th part V: A New Beginning:

If you're gonna kill anyone, don't hack the fat kid into pieces with an axe. You may push his distant relative a little too far over the edge.