THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs

[10,000 Volt Ghost]

Some 1980's western movie they were watching where the hero has a shoot out with some thugs

Mike: Shootout at High Goon

[AndyC]

The old lady's theme from The Atomic Brain

Tom: She's old...she's old...she creeks...and pops...see...how old...she is...she's so...dang old...

[Rev. Powell]

MAD MONSTER

[Scientist stares at his daughter as she leaves the room]
TOM: Nice caboose on that girl!  What am I saying, that's my daughter!  I am mad!

THE CORPSE VANISHES

[Dwarf henchman escorts gal reporter to her room for the night in mad scientists mansion]
HENCHMAN: I guess you'll sleep very good tonight... maybe? [laughs knowingly]
JOEL: He thinks that's funny?

Joel used the above joke more than once, when an evil character would say something obliquely sinister and then laugh.  The joke's silly and obvious but it never fails to crack me up.

[AndyC]

Mitchell

(Helicopter shot pulls back from boat on the ocean)
Servo: I won't get old, I won't ever die, and I'll always eat oatmeal.

[Flick James]

I think it was Tom Servo, and I don't recall the movie, but just always remember this line:

"From the director who brought you that other film, it's MORE OF THE SAME!"

[Trevor]

MANOS:

[A dog is staring at the camera]
Tom: "Hold up that cue card, what's it say? Oh yeah, WOOF."   

The Master: "SILENCE!"
Joel: "Is golden."
The Master: "SILENCE!"
Joel: "Is golden."

[retrorussell]

POD PEOPLE:

(Camping band members bring a wounded girl inside an RV, trying to revive her by pouring booze in her mouth)
Band member 1: She's out cold.
Band member 2: We'll have to get her to a hospital!
Joel: Or a bar..

Uncle Bill: The road's blocked.. the phone lines are probably down too.
Joel: There's no way out of this film!

Poacher #2 (to evil Pod Person): You must be hungry! (offers meat)  Have some!
Crow: It's one of you!  Only gamier!

[AndyC]

Pod People

(Movie cuts to closeup of Tommy's eye in a magnifying glass)
Crow: Aaagh! It's the camera man, and he's looking through the wrong lens!

(Closeup of dead centipede)
Joel: That comb used to belong to Keith Richards.

Tommy: Look what I have here, Uncle Bill.
Uncle Bill: Hmph, a centipede.
Tommy: It's a lithobius forficatus.
Uncle Bill: To me, it's a centipede. It's always been called a centipede.
Crow: He's a loving and giving caregiver.

[ChaosTheory]

From one of the COMMADNO CODY shorts, as Cody is wrestling with a "moon man" in the "space room" full of weird furniture:

Cody dives away from an explosion at the beginning
Servo: Oh, if I'd known he was gonna do that I wouldn't have spent the whole week worrying!

Joel: Guns by Vidal Sassoon

Crow: Someone's gonna snag their jammies on somethin' sharp, I just know it.


From  BOGGY CREEK II: THE LEGEND CONTINUES:
Servo: The Legend Continues! To be not heard about by anyone.

Chuck B. Pierce (in Crensaw's house)  "Everybody act casual!"
Mike: Well, they WERE acting casual, now they're all still and awkward!
Crow (as Crenshaw): If they're not acting casual, I'll have to kill them.

[Trevor]

Crow: Someone's gonna snag their jammies on somethin' sharp, I just know it.

[Trevor]

The Final Sacrifice:

Rowsdower: "What are you doing in the back there, kid?"
Feeble voice: "Errmmm......I'm......laundry....."

[Rev. Powell]

CATALINA CAPER

[Closeup of wiggling bikini-clad lasses]
CROW: Now this is the kind of padding I like in a film!

[Little Richard sings]
JOEL: I think I know a bright young singer who's hopped up on goofballs right now.

[Rev. Powell]

SIDEHACKERS

Every time they refer to Rommel as a "magnificent bastard"

JC: We've had a lot of runs together,
JOEL: Yeah, remember that dinner in Tijuana?

[AndyC]

Pod People

(Tommy stops looking at his centipede for a moment of dialogue, then starts eating breakfast)
Crow: Oops, wrong bowl.

[Rev. Powell]

RING OF TERROR

Woman: It's not just the dance, Lewis.  It's the way you've been acting.
CROW: Woodenly.

THE PHANTOM CREEPS

[Reading the scroll that tells us what happened in the previous episode]
CROW: ...by using a device that makes him invisible---a contract to appear on the Comedy Channel.