THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs

[retrorussell]

SQUIRM

Mick (to Geri): Look.. I'm glad you didn't chase after him.  If Roger can see, he'll probably try to make his way home too.
Crow: If Roger can see..?  Do worms routinely try to blind people?

Mick (talking about Roger): I hope we find him before it gets dark.
Mike: My bedtime's 7:30.

(Worms chew a tree at the trunk, knocking it down onto the house.  Mick runs off to get gasoline to burn them with and returns to find they're no longer there.)
Geri: They're gone!
Crow: What did you SAY to them?!

(Child's voice on soundtrack hums as Alma reaches for door)
Crow: The worms are playing kazoo in there.

(Camera moves along floor with worm's POV)
Servo: Oh, they gave the camera to Dustin Hoffman.

[Trevor]

(Child's voice on soundtrack hums as Alma reaches for door)
Crow: The worms are playing kazoo in there.

(Camera moves along floor with worm's POV)
Servo: Oh, they gave the camera to Dustin Hoffman.

[AndyC]

The Unearthly:

(Tor in a jacket and tshirt)
Crow: Look's like Tor Johnson's going for the Don Johnson look.

Tor: Time for go ta bed.
Joel: Well said.

Any of the Jedrow/Jethro jokes - "Jethro wants to be a rock star! Heh heh!"

(Dr. Conway looks at his latest failure)
Servo (as Carradine): Oh no, she looks like me.

(Conway uses a convenient foot switch to kill the lights and escape)
Servo: How often is he going to need a button like that?
Joel: I have an espresso machine. I don't use it much, but it's nice to have.

[HappyGilmore]

From "The Lost Continent."  I don't recall it exactly but it went a little like this.  Mind you, there's a long scene with little dialouge and much rock climbing:

Joel: "Rock climbing."
Crow: "Rock climbing."
Tom Servo: "More rock climbing."
Joel: "Looks like we're in for a long one boys.  Sit tight."
Crow: "This is just tedious at this point.  You think the scene's over and they just forgot to turn off the camera, or are they just messing with us?"
Servo: "Rock climbing."

[Rev. Powell]

More CAVE DWELLERS

[During the battle with invisible men]
TOM: Hey, why don't you pick on someone your own opacity?

[The villain appears to be admiring Ator's pecs as he threatens him]
CROW: Tits all over... I mean, it's all over, Ator!  I know we've been breast friends, I mean best friends!

[Villain is dying]
CROW: Give my mustache to... Trevor!

[ulthar]

From the "Radar Men from the Moon" Ep 2 "Molten Terror" (THE MAD MONSTER was the movie), Commander Cody twiddles the knobs on his jet pack to fly.  Said knobs are on his chest.

One of the bots:  "Nipple tweak, and WEEE'RE OFFF"

We repeat that line whenever we take a trip....pulling out of the driveway, I saw the first part and my wife says the second.  Since we've had children, the children now say it...but my daughter always heard "Nipple tweak" as "Double Tweak," so that's become the catch phrase.

From THE REBEL SET, repeated line by Servo and Crow together:

"THAT'S NOT MERRITT STONE!"

[ChaosTheory]

from THE GIRL IN LOVER'S LANE:

(singing along with the opening credits music)
Tom: The Girl in Lover's Lane...
Crow: With Jack Elam, not Jack LaLaine,
Joel: And lots of other actors, there's no time to name....
Crow: With screenplay by Joe Heims that's pretty lame.
Tom: The entire crew..feels a sense of shame -
        If only they'd had half a brain,
        They could attain...a measure of fame,
        From a film like Shane,
        But no...to their disdain,
        The Girl In Lover's Lane!

[Rev. Powell]

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS

Martian: They sit in front of that video tube watching those silly Earth programs all day.  It confuses them!
TOM: Especially "Twin Peaks."

Santa: Pills for dinner?
CROW: What are we, Judy Garland?

Martian woman: You've got to send those children back.
Martian man: Impossible!
JOEL: I lost the receipt!

Martian kid: Something's wrong.  The doll has a teddy bear head and the teddy bear has a doll's head.
JOEL (as Santa): No problem, we'll give 'em to dyslexic kids.

[Trevor]

[Villain is dying]
CROW: Give my mustache to... Trevor!

No thanks. 

[Trevor]

More CAVE DWELLERS

[The villain appears to be admiring Ator's pecs as he threatens him]
CROW: Tits all over... I mean, it's all over, Ator!  I know we've been breast friends, I mean best friends!

[Rev. Powell]

[Villain is dying]
CROW: Give my mustache to... Trevor!

No thanks. 

It's all he had for you.  You have to remember, this was set way back at the dawn of time--before the invention of underpants.

[Trevor]

It's all he had for you.  You have to remember, this was set way back at the dawn of time--before the invention of underpants.

[Trevor]

I think this is from Fugitive Alien:

Crow: "We can't fight them but we can confuse the heck out of them." 

[AndyC]

Gamera vs. Guiron

Little Girl: Hello Kon-chan.
Joel: Cornjob?

Joel: Gamera's going to need an emission test, pronto.

Tom & Akio: Let's go to the Earth together.
Joel: We'll have the hottest prom dates of all.

(Akio wakes up with his head shaved)
Tom: Those girls are cannibals.
Joel: They ate my hair?

Crow: What is his obsession with traffic accidents?!

And the Bike Song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peu2Yxwuh28

[Rev. Powell]

THE GIANT GILA MONSTER

JOEL (as the Gila Monster): Hey, don't drink that!  That's my urine!  I don't even do that!

[Train crashes, followed by a shot of Gila Monster crawling]
JOEL (as Gila Monster): I just know I'm going to get blamed for this and I wasn't even close!

[Hero is singing an obnoxious folk song to crippled girl who's looking on rapturously...]
JOEL: She's trying to wish him into a cornfield now.