THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs

[Trevor]

MONSTER A GO GO

[Random official checking out a burnt corpse]
"What could have caused such burns?'
Joel: "Mexican food?"

[Trevor]

THE SIDEHACKERS

[Guy on PA] "A new and exciting sport. Filled with thrills and spills, such as you've never seen before."
Tom: "And you won't see now."
Crow: "C'mon, c'mon, the film is slowing up!"

[Trevor]

TIME OF THE APES

[Ape bad guy is shooting for an Oscar]

"I must have my revenge, I must have my revenge!!"
Tom: "Yeah, you must have your Valium too, buddy."

[Rev. Powell]

THE MAGIC VOYAGE OF SINBAD:

JOEL: I never knew Arabia was so Russian!

And one of my all-time favorite riffs, which I mentioned in this thread years ago:

Sinbad: Have you got the Bird of Happiness?
CROW: No, but we've got a pretty friendly chicken.

[Trevor]

THE MAGIC VOYAGE OF SINBAD:

JOEL: I never knew Arabia was so Russian!

And one of my all-time favorite riffs, which I mentioned in this thread years ago:

Sinbad: Have you got the Bird of Happiness?
CROW: No, but we've got a pretty friendly chicken.

[Trevor]

THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE

Crow: "Uh, Mike, you gotta bring Tom in."
Mike: "Why?"
Crow: "Because he can't hover, there's an air grate there."

[Trevor]

MERLIN'S SHOP OF MYSTICAL WONDERS

Jonathan: "I chew places like this up and spit them into the toilet."
Mike, Tom, Crow: "Bleurgh."

[Trevor]

FUTURE WAR

[the good guy launches a punch at a zero budget Terminator type]
Crow: "Wow. He's got the longest butt crack I've ever seen."

[Trevor]

INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN

[the very slowed down threatening message has been played on the small spaceship]
Mike: "That is all, hold on, wait, oh, Ted wants me to call you a bunch of wieners." 

[Trevor]

RIDING WITH DEATH

[uppity bad guy] "It was sabotage I tell you, I've got a gut feeling."
Tom: "My corset is too tight." 

[Trevor]

THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN

[overuse of cello on the soundtrack]
Mike: "Hey Yo Yo Ma, give it a break!" 

[Rev. Powell]

OPERATION DOUBLE 007

JOEL: How is it that he gets color on his girl but he only gets black and white on his TV?

Neil Connery, describing a patient: When I saw this girl's condition...
TOM: I heaved.

Femme fatale: You read too many novels by Fleming.
CROW: Jerry Fleming, Ian's brother.

[Trevor]

In the "exciting car chase scene" from Mitchell:

[Mitchell and Cummins' car are almost stuck together]
Tom: "Geez, these guys couldn't even shake a trolley." 

[Trevor]

I have to throw in a South African made one here.

OUTLAW OF GOR

[Jack Palance has his back to the camera]
Crow: "Jack? Hey, Jack, over here, buddy." 

[Trevor]

FUGITIVE ALIEN

[horribly lit horrible bad guy]
"You will not reach home. All traitors die." 
Joel: "Don't smoke."