The truly terrible joke thread

[ER]

Heard the one about the Michael Brown doll? 

Nevermind, it was dead on arrival.

[indianasmith]

No, but I did buy a new Helen Keller action figure.
You wind it up and it runs into walls!

[Svengoolie 3]

How do you define recession,  depression and recovery?

Recession: Your neighbor loses his job.

Depression: You lost your job.

Recovery: Donald Trump loses his job.

[indianasmith]

How do you define recession,  depression and recovery?

Recession: Your neighbor loses his job.

Depression: You lost your job.

Recovery: Donald Trump loses his job.

Ronald Reagan said it first.
About Jimmy Carter!!  (It was funny then too.)

[Svengoolie 3]

In ancient nazereth a crowd had gathered to stone an adulteress to death.

Jesus stepped forwards and said "Let ye of whom is without sin cast the first stone. "

The crowd stopped for a moment.  Then a rock flies out of the crowd,  hits the adulteress between the eyes and kills her instantly.

Jesus yells "Dammit mom! "

[Svengoolie 3]

Scott Baio announced he would no longer go into Dick's sporting goods as a protest against their ending the sales of semi-automatic firearms.

Dick's had to bring in a replacement cashier to fill in for him.

[Alex]

A prostitute, an architect and a politician are all having an argument about whose job is the oldest.

The prostitute says that well hers is called 'The oldest profession'.
The architect says, look the creation of the universe out the chaos that existed before was clearly the work of an architect so my job is older.
The politician smiles and says "Ah, but someone had to create the chaos."

[Svengoolie 3]

Donald Trump wants to do something about school shootings by going after video games.

That's the most terrible joke I've heard in a long time.

[ER]

An elderly couple were out having dinner when with embarrassment the man whispered to his wife, "I think I just silently passed gas, what do I do?"

A kid three tables away replied, "For starters turn up your hearing aid."

[Rev. Powell]

Which side of a chicken has the most feathers?

The outside.

[Allhallowsday]

[ER]

Do you know the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One of them snatches watches, the other...

[Pacman000]

In 1983 Atari lost over $500 million dollars, so Warner Communications, parent company of Atari, decided to sell it.

It was bought by Jack Tramiel, former head of Commodore Business Machines, Atari's biggest rival in the home computer market, and a difficult man to work for.

As he entered Atari's game development building, with his two adult sons & a few  loyal former Commodore execs, one of Atari's engineers decided to make a joke. The engineer got on the building's PA system, & called out a warning: "Imperial storm troopers have entered the base! Imperial storm troopers have — Urk!"

Funny. Except Jack Tramiel was a holocaust surviver who hadn't seen Star Wars.

True story.

http://www.dadhacker.com/blog/?p=995

http://www.dadhacker.com/blog/?p=1000

[Svengoolie 3]

Well,  hopefully it hit him in the face with how the way he acted made people see him.

[Svengoolie 3]

What's the difference between Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Apple Computers?

Apple computers updates its pads more often.