The truly terrible joke thread

[Leah]

Two muffins are in an oven.  The first muffin says to the second muffin: "Whew!  It's hot in here!" 
The second muffin exclaims: "Ohmigod!  A talking muffin!!" 

must be a good joke to pass around, eh?

[Leah]

why were the travelers annoyed at the donkey?
he was a pain in the ass.

what do you call a man with no arms, no legs, inside a box?
you call him Jack. and you find him in the box

[Jack]

A little girl down the road went missing this morning. Her parents asked everyone in the neighborhood to help search for her

They didn't seem too impressed when I came out of my house wearing my scuba gear.

[indianasmith]

My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with STAR WARS.  I told her "May Divorce be with you."

[Flick James]

Here's an moldy oldie.

Q: What did the hippy say to the invisible man?

A: "You're outta sight, man."

[Leah]

here's one I found on 9gag:

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

[indianasmith]

Jokes guaranteed to get you in trouble with your spouse/girlfriend:

What's the only thing worse than a male chauvenist pig?

A woman who won't do as she's told.

If a man hits his wife with his car, whose fault is it?

The man's, he shouldn't have been driving in the kitchen!

And, in the interest of gender balance, here is one for the ladies:

What's the difference between a man and a savings bond?

A savings bond matures!

[Chainsawmidget]

Why is there no gambling in Africa?
Too many cheetahs!

What game would you play with a wombat?
wom

Guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under arm. Says to the bartender: "I'll take a beer here, and one for the road."

There's two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says
'You man the guns, I'll drive'

What did the 0 say to the 8?
"Nice belt." 

What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
Wipes his butt

[Mofo Rising]

Courtesy of a Jeffrey Ross show I recently went to:

We all agree that Steve Jobs' death marks the passing of a true American icon. In fact, the only thing that didn't want to work for Steve Jobs was his pancreas.

Too soon?

[RobFilm]

I saw this online today,

Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long for fat people.

[Mofo Rising]

This was the last joke I told that I couldn't get through without giggling like a schoolgirl, and I pride myself on my straight face.

I'm not a fan of sweets. I just don't like them, they have no appeal to me. So when I'm at the store, I don't even bother with junk food like Twinkies or cookies. Instead, I head towards things like peanuts. Yes, I buy the unsalted peanuts, because that's what I enjoy eating.

So here's the phrase I have about myself:

"Rob Steele: Bypasses the junk, goes straight for the nuts!"

I'll never find that not funny, and the double entendre of "nuts" will always make me laugh.

Stupid? You betcha! I'm still giggling about it.

[Saucerman]

I got in trouble at school as a first grader for repeating this joke my uncle told me.

What happened to the Indian who drank too much tea?

He drowned in his tea-pee. 

[indianasmith]

My friend Ray is FOREVER telling that stupid joke . . . . and I always laugh!

[Silverlady]

If vegetarians eat vegetables,  what do humanitarians eat?

[Leah]

Do you want to play the rape game? No? That's the Spirit!!