Virginity

akiratubo · August 27, 2011, 10:55:18 PM

One of my friends just turned 20. In conversation with her, I was surprised to learn that she is still a virgin. It's been so long since I started having sex, and that sex became a normal part of my life, that it seems weird to me to realize that other people haven't had it yet.

Not sure where I'm going with this post. It guess it just seems odd to me that I'm old enough to have had sex (a lot of it), long-term relationships, and I've even come within an ace of being married, and yet I'm friends with people too young to have experienced any of that.

I feel old.

indianasmith · August 28, 2011, 12:20:12 AM

Delaying sexual activity until adulthood is one of the surest paths out of potentially nightmarish complications early sexual experimentation can produce - pregnancy, abortion, STD's, and the heartbreak of adolescents engaging in an adult relationship when they are still emotionally children. There is no other mistake (or, if you want to be old fashioned about it, no other sinsin) a young person can commit that is more likely to ruin their adult lives than to become to sexually active too early. And this is still, despite all that has been done to level the playing field between the genders, more true for girls than for boys. That being said, the promiscuous a young man is, the harder it is for him to form a healthy, monogamous relationship later in life.

I waited until I was married to have sex. There was a lot of pressure from my Navy buddies to "lose it" before I went home to get married, and I am very proud of the fact that I refused to do so. My wife is the only woman I have ever slept with, and as long as she is alive, there will not be another.

I realize that my choices are not those of the majority, but I am still glad I made them.

Ed, Ego and Superego · August 28, 2011, 03:00:06 AM

I was a pretty late bloomer in that department myself and now at 40 I'm sort of glad I avoided all the issues. It allowed me to travel, experience, and do some growing a child (or STD I guess) would not have allowed me to do.

Frankly most young brains are not set up for such pressure and complications, and later might be better, as Indy alluded to. Not many teen pregnancies and all the issues that arise turn out REALLY Well for all the parties involved.
-Ed

Trevor · August 28, 2011, 05:33:28 AM

Not to gross anyone out but I only lost mine when I was 36 - with a very special friend who is still special today.

HappyGilmore · August 28, 2011, 07:55:35 AM

I'm still one at 27. Looks to be that way for a while too.

Psycho Circus · August 28, 2011, 07:58:58 AM

Lost mine at 18.

Leah · August 28, 2011, 09:12:07 AM

Didn't lose mine yet!

Rev. Powell · August 28, 2011, 10:05:11 AM

I lost mine decades ago but I think it may have come back.

Psycho Circus · August 28, 2011, 10:09:41 AM

Quote from: Rev. Powell on August 28, 2011, 10:05:11 AM
I lost mine decades ago but I think it may have come back.

Flick James · August 28, 2011, 11:08:26 AM

Quote from: indianasmith on August 28, 2011, 12:20:12 AM
Delaying sexual activity until adulthood is one of the surest paths out of potentially nightmarish complications early sexual experimentation can produce - pregnancy, abortion, STD's, and the heartbreak of adolescents engaging in an adult relationship when they are still emotionally children. There is no other mistake (or, if you want to be old fashioned about it, no other sinsin) a young person can commit that is more likely to ruin their adult lives than to become to sexually active too early. And this is still, despite all that has been done to level the playing field between the genders, more true for girls than for boys. That being said, the promiscuous a young man is, the harder it is for him to form a healthy, monogamous relationship later in life.

I waited until I was married to have sex. There was a lot of pressure from my Navy buddies to "lose it" before I went home to get married, and I am very proud of the fact that I refused to do so. My wife is the only woman I have ever slept with, and as long as she is alive, there will not be another.

I realize that my choices are not those of the majority, but I am still glad I made them.

But it's not quite as simple as that is it? I mean, it was only a few generations ago that it was common for women to marry and have children before 18. But, different times, yes? People had to face adulthood much earlier than. they do now. I would suggest, and I'm only suggesting, that it's more that the natural biological inclinations are there, but that in today's world, people mature emotionally much slower than they once did. Further complicate this by the fact that girls are physically maturing earlier now. I'm not saying that kids aren't jumping in to sex before they're emotionally ready. I know that's true. I'm just saying that kids have all the natural drives, but circumstance and society dictate that they wait, when nature says differently.

In short, it's much more difficult to hold on to one's viginity "acceptably" than it was for previous generations. That can't be ignored.

Allhallowsday · August 28, 2011, 03:00:27 PM

Quote from: Flick James on August 28, 2011, 11:08:26 AM

But it's not quite as simple as that is it? I mean, it was only a few generations ago that it was common for women to marry and have children before 18. But, different times, yes? People had to face adulthood much earlier than. they do now...
In short, it's much more difficult to hold on to one's viginity "acceptably" than it was for previous generations. That can't be ignored.

One thing is for certain: youngsters are much more sophisticated than they were when I was a kid. I think maturity and good decision making only comes with experience (read: time). I agree that pressures are probably brought to bear on young people in this era of social media, but I still admire Indiana for his convictions (the old prude). And that, by the way, is the pot calling the kettle black.

Criswell · August 28, 2011, 04:40:27 PM

Still one at 17, just really isn't a big deal to me at the moment I guess.

Derf · August 28, 2011, 05:09:42 PM

My convictions are much the same as indy's. I, too, married as a virgin, though later in life. Granted, for most of my life, virginity was my only option, but I did have a few opportunities I passed by in order to follow my beliefs. Kids today are, as AHD said, much more sophisticated in a lot of ways, but sophistication does not equal maturity or wisdom. Maturity and wisdom come over time. Cynicism and knowing how to play people often pass for wisdom today, and many kids today are cynical and manipulative, but that doesn't mean they know what life is about or that they are capable of making wise decisions.

HappyGilmore · August 28, 2011, 05:31:31 PM

I should note, I am not a virgin by choice. I grew up Catholic but religion has nothing to do with this.

I wanna cry :(

indianasmith · August 28, 2011, 05:48:07 PM

Flick, as always, makes a good point. My Great-great-grandmother married at 16 to a 30 year old, a union what would have landed him in jail today. We do mature more slowly today, even though our old biological clocks do their best to make us think we'll explode if we don't lose it at 16. But we are also living longer. In the 1840's, when my g-g-g's got married, the average life expectancy for men and women was well under 50 (Great-great grandad Jim beat that too, living to be in his 90's and surviving the Texas Revolution, the Mexican War, and the Civil War intact!). But that meant it was all the more important to have children at a younger age. Now we try to give our offspring an actual childhood to grow up in, but their bodies are sending a different message!

I appreciate all the honesty on this thread!