Things you learned from a bad movie

[WyreWizard]

The martian language has only 1 word.

Dinosaurs roam the Earth today.

Explosives the size of a golf ball can level an entire neighborhood.

Thermodynamics are not absolute.

There are creatures that look like women and will eat you when you have sex with them.

Amphibian DNA can be used to clone dinosaurs.

Want to get rid of someone?  Put a few thousand venomous snakes loose on their next flight.

Early teens can travel across the country by themselves to a video game competition.

You can turn a woman into a hyper depraved domestic diva by implanting a microchip in her brain.

Traveling faster than the speed of light is feasible.

You can evade a serial killer by hiding in a concert of a band that looks like L7.

A super computer can become self-aware and lash out at its creators.

Reality is not absolute.

The dead can come back to life years or centuries after dying.

Salt repels witches.

[zombie no.one]

sorry but this post won't be complete until you address each of those points you just made individually, and write approximately 456 paragraphs explaining why each one is technically impossible. look forward to it 

[Allhallowsday]

[joejoe]

when someone is restoring a car,


don't stand next to it and tell your buddy

"you can't polish a turd"

[tracy]

Wow....somehow that made my day.

[alandhopewell]

Octopuses can live in fresh water, and meow like cats.

Arthropods, when made to grow to gigantic size, make a strange whirring sound.

All male monsters, regardless of species, have the hots for human females, especially blondes.

John Agar believed himself to be an actor.

The L.A. River was constructed for car chases.

Black men were born to be redshirts.

Silencers will work on revolvers, if you really, REALLY, want them to.

Any opponent, if wearing a mask or helmet that completely obscures their features, will probably turn out to be a woman.

You can shoot down a helicopter at fifty yards with a .25 automatic, especially if you're Ray Danton.

Alien women are all hot, but deadly.

[CarlinBrock]

If someone is carrying a box/basket/pail/anything people don't usually carry, shoot it until anything inside is dead. Just keep shooting.

[mrsskinner]

The calls are always coming from inside the house
if something that looks like its already been eaten bubbles up on your land your chickens will eat it if you mix it with their food
electricity causes worms to devour humans
the killer is already inside the house
if the creature under your porch eats your dog its probably not a cat
if you find a book in a cabin telling you how to call forth demons dont read it
if something from outer space crashes into your yard dont touch it

[Jack]

Most gunshot wounds will heal themselves almost completely in less than one minute.  And they don't really hurt too much in the first place.

The maximum distance a woman can run before falling down is approximately 50 yards.

Most of the time, being thrown 50 - 100 feet through the air doesn't result in any injury.  Just knocks the wind out of you.  A little.

Your standard pistol or rifle can hold well over 100 rounds when fully loaded.  Assault rifles around 1,000+.

Hand grenades contain approximately 10 lbs. of explosives.

Hair care products will survive the apocalypse and be available in abundance.

For the most part, swords and spears are more effective weapons than guns.

[Allhallowsday]

[zombie no.one]

if someone hangs up the phone half way through a conversation, the other person will say "hello...hello...HELLO?" even though it's blatantly obvious the other person has hung up and all they can hear is a dial tone.

[alandhopewell]

Sunken treasure is guarded by giant octopuses-this is their sole reason for living.

If Captain Kirk is any indication, human starship captains have greater endurance than aliens that are supposed to be physically superior.

If you shoot at a monster, and it's still coming after the second round, you  must fire at it until you empty the weapon and / or the creature kills you....it's a rule.

Anyone facing away from you at the end of the picture, if they're a loved one, has sucumbed to the vampire / demon / whatever.

Never expect anyone who walks out a door, saying, "I'll be back", to return alive, and / or normal.

'Tis an ill omen, to knock upon a door, and have it answered by Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, Vincent Price, Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, or Barbara Steele.

Vampires are supposed to be repelled by crosses, but don't seem to be bothered by the ones in graveyards.

Beautiful girls in party dresses seen on deserted country roads at night are dead, and after your overcoat.

[bob]

Coke and McDonalds can do no wrong (Mac and Me)

[CarlinBrock]

Never expect anyone who walks out a door, saying, "I'll be back", to return alive, and / or normal.

Usually true, but especially so after the halfway point of the movie. If it's a dark and stormy night and someone says this to you, they're cooked.

'Tis an ill omen, to knock upon a door, and have it answered by Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, Vincent Price, Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, or Barbara Steele.

What I never got was House on Haunted Hill. I mean, if Vincent Price is hosting a party, the only thing that should be uttered from the partygoers' lips is "Holy shiz, that's Vincent Price, we need to leave. Now. Come one."

[zombie no.one]

If someone's harassing you on the phone and you hang up on them then they ring straight back and you shout at them and hang up again, remember that if the phone rings a third time don't immediately launch into a tirade of abuse because it will always be someone completely different calling, and you'll have to apologize and be all embarrassed