At the risk of sounding like a drama queen, I have said, and will continue to say, without cinema, I think I would have stepped off this planet a number of years ago. Not any single film, but film in general.
Until I had a serious emotional breakdown at work (Heaven help me, I'm still working at the same place) and was taken to a therapist by my supervisor (which is against the rules, but this woman saved my life by doing what was right), I had no idea what had been plaguing me since childhood: Depression stemming from ADD and OCD, both of which I had no idea I had but once explained to me (after testing highly for both) brought my whole life into a realm that I could understand.
Unfortunately, depression is similar to alcoholism in that you have to take it one day at a time. Some days, you just don't have the strength, and you feel it pulling you down. Lately, I haven't had much in the way of strength. I've given up on just about everything in which I used to find escape and/or comfort (video games, reading, writing, relationships, photo editing). Hell, I don't even leave my apartment except for work and when I am out of food and get tired of paying for delivery pizza.
Even though I don't feel like it sometimes, I make myself sit down and watch a movie. While it doesn't necessarily cheer me up, my brain and thoughts turn away from myself and latch on to the movie. I take in the images; I watch for flubs or the occasional scene that leaves me amazed (good or bad
); I take the story apart and consider how well it holds together. Basically, it gives me something to focus on other than myself for a while.
I've gone back to writing for my blog as a way to both remember the films I'm watching and to extend that focus outside myself.
Since all I really feel comfortable talking about is cinema (usually crappy, weird cinema), I get patronized by the people from work I talk to. I just get comments from them like "Oh wow" or "That's weird" and nothing else. Being the passive-aggressive person I am, I was responding with "I know you really don't care about what I'm talking about, but thanks for playing along." When no one made even a feeble attempt to "correct" me, I just quit talking at work.
So, I have come back to this forum. At least here, I may be preaching to the choir while talking about movies, but I know the "Amen" I get back is sincere, and usually followed by a recommendation of another weird film I might want to see.
Thank you all for being here and for being weird, like me.