| HOW TO FIND A BAD MOVIE |
You are all pumped and ready to go find some films - stuff which will torture your friends. How do you pick out a bad movie? Here is a quick reference guide to help you select the right one. |
| THE TITLE |
| Is one word. | 1 point(s) |  |
| I think it is a word somebody made up. | 2 point(s) |
| It is six or more words. | 3 point(s) |
| Wow; eight to twelve words! | 4 point(s) |
| Hold on while I count...thirteen or more words.* | 5 point(s) | * Note:
Are you sure that's the title? |
|
| THE TITLE (CONTINUED) |
| Contains the words "alien" or "monster." | 1 point(s) |  |
| Contains the words "kung fu" or "bikini." | 2 point(s) |
| Contains the words "creature" or "nightmare." | 3 point(s) |
| Contains the words "blood" or "death." | 4 point(s) |
| Contains the words "zombie" or "massacre." | 5 point(s) |
|
| THE COVER |
| Just looks silly. | 1 point(s) |  |
| A hologram! (Actually, a lenticular image.) | 2 point(s) |
| Features artwork of the creature roaring as people flee in terror. | 3 point(s) |
| Appears to have been drawn by a D&D fantatic. | 4 point(s) |
| Must have been made with Photoshop. | 5 point(s) |
|
| THE BACK |
| Contains a few random pictures. | 1 point(s) |  |
| Some of the screenshots feature bad special effects or just a girl screaming at the camera. | 2 point(s) |
| There are not any scenes from the movie! | 3 point(s) |
| Did somebody draw this with a pen? | 4 point(s) |
| I think these pictures are from another film.* | 5 point(s) | * Note:
You should go and find that movie. |
|
| THE DESCRIPTION |
| Compares it to another movie. | 1 point(s) | "Four times faster than sound, the bird is bigger than a battleship and surrounded by an invisible radar-resistant shield which repels existing destructive devices."
|
| "Based on the novel by..." | 2 point(s) |
| Includes more adjectives than nouns or verbs. | 3 point(s) |
| Says that is a Sci-Fi Channel original production. | 4 point(s) |
| Uses the following: "blood-chilling," "terrifying," "unstoppable," "flesh-eating," or similar adjectives. | 5 point(s) |
|
| THE PLOT CONTAINS |
| Robots, androids, or computers. | 1 point(s) | "The Being, a genetic freak driven psychotic by radiation waste, mutilates and decapitates."
|
| A monster or alien of some sort. | 2 point(s) |
| The undead. | 3 point(s) |
| A mutant created by radiation, toxic waste, or human experimentation. | 4 point(s) |
| It doesn't say what the plot is; it just keeps threatening to scare the pants off of me. | 5 point(s) |
|
| THE MAIN ACTORS AND ACTRESSES |
| They are famous now, but do not list this on their filmography. | 1 point(s) |  |
| This is their only movie appearance. | 2 point(s) |
| Also credited as the director, producer, and/or writer. | 3 point(s) |
| Appear to have been edited in via old footage. | 4 point(s) |
| Used to be a professional wrestler. | 5 point(s) |
|
| THE DIRECTOR OR PRODUCER |
| Made one movie; this one. | 1 point(s) |  |
| Peter Jackson or Sam Raimi. | 2 point(s) |
| Herschell Gordon Lewis or Roger Corman. | 3 point(s) |
| Llyod Kaufman or Fred Olen Ray. | 4 point(s) |
| Ed Wood. | 5 point(s) |
|
| WHERE WAS THE FILM MADE |
| I am sure that it was not made in Hollywood. | 1 point(s) | "When the earth spits out the dead, they will rise to suck the blood of the living!"
|
| New York, before 1990. | 2 point(s) |
| In somebody's back yard. | 3 point(s) |
| Italy, after 1970. | 4 point(s) |
| Mexico, before 1970. | 5 point(s) |
|
Little girls will happily substitute a big, ugly toad for a doll. 