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DO YOU HAVE A ZOMBIE PLAN?

Are you ready for the inevitable zombie holocaust? Just owning a shotgun and a chainsaw is not enough. You need to consider all the factors, all your options, and be prepared to make the hard decisions.

Burial GroundRedneck ZombiesDawn of the Dead

WHERE IS THE NEAREST GOVERNMENT LABORATORY?
Right up the road.Well, it sucks to be you, doesn't it? The problem with living so close to the probable source of the biological, chemical, or supernatural experiments that create the zombies is that you are quite likely to get infected during the initial "accident." Buy a gas mask and wear it to bed.
Within walking distance.Which means it is also within easy shambling distance for the zombies. Get yourself a dog. The canine companion will not stop the zombies, but at least its barking might alert you to their presence. Plus, if the undead are eating the dog, that means they are not chewing on you.
On the other side of the state.Excellent! I can see that you did your homework before buying a house.
I don't know.Offhand, this is probably a good thing. You must be hundreds of miles away from the danger zone. You should still verify that there are not any new "no trespassing" signs posted at the abandoned military base on the edge of town.

Zombi 3 Where is the nearest government laboratory? Not satisfied with accidentally releasing the zombie-creating virus or chemical, they are quite likely to deploy troops with orders to shoot on sight.

WEAPONS AVAILABLE TO YOU
None, and I hate guns.You should find and befriend someone who is a member of the NRA and does not mind protecting pansies with his ammo.
A BB gun.That would be great...if this was about surviving an aluminum can revolt. Get a real firearm.
A handgun.I hope that you mean a .45 or .44 Magnum. 9mm bullets make really small holes. You want to make as big of a hole in the zombie's forehead as possible.
A shotgun.Awesome! Make sure that you have plenty of ammunition, and practice reloading while moving.
A 30-06 rifle.You need to find somebody with a shotgun and hook up. With your ability to snipe targets at long distances, and his (or her) close range firepower, shooting your way out of situations should not be a problem.
An M240G machinegun.You and I need to talk.

Return of the Living Dead 3 Get yourself a shotgun.

YOUR FRIENDS
My buddies are all hunters and survivalists.Well now, this will just be another camping trip, except that walking corpses are out to kill you and eat your brains.
We play a lot of video games together.Meaning that you are overweight and out of shape? Can you at least move faster than a zombie? Really? For how long?
We are "Resident Evil" fanatics.Well, at least you know to shoot them in the head.
My online buddy has a black belt in Judo.Have you ever seen this "friend" in person? He is probably just as pimply as you, and living in his parents' house, too.
All of my friends are girls.Let me guess: you are a boy, and you have a crush on all of them. The good news is that you are going to be sitting pretty on a bevy of grateful women if you can save them from the zombies. The bad news is that you cannot save all of them. Pick three favorites and concentrate on protecting them from the rotting horrors that have taken over the world.

Resident Evil 4 "Resident Evil" fanatics rejoice. You might not have touched a real firearm before, but at least you know to aim for the head (or parasite, as the case may be).

MEDICAL SUPPLIES AND TRAINING
Blood makes me queasy.The world is not a nice and tidy place anymore. The road will be littered with rotting corpses and scattered body parts. Prepare to deal with compound fractures, serious lacerations, and septic wounds on a daily basis. Do everybody else a favor and avoid stuffing yourself full at meals. You are going to spend a lot of time vomiting. Regurgitated food is wasted food.
I keep some band-aids in my car.Do you have any idea how many band-aids it would take to treat someone who is covered with zombie bites?
My medical kit is stocked with trauma-related supplies.Glad to hear it. You need to add two items that are usually not included in an emergency kit. First off, you need acid. If a zombie bites somebody, Bactine is not going to cut the mustard. Cleanse the wound with acid. Second, get a hacksaw from the garage and toss it in with all the bandages and such. You know, just in case the acid is not an effective treatment.
I look forward to conducting medical experiments on the living dead.All righty then.

Zombi 3 Once the zombies are loose, band-aids are not going to cut it. Also, if you cannot stand the sight of blood, do us all a favor and get killed early on. Nobody wants to hear you scream every time you trip over another rotting corpse.

TRANSPORTATION
I don't have a car.Sign up for a gym membership and stay in shape. Until you meet someone who has a driver's license, you are going to do a lot of running.
My Prius is my baby.If the zombie outbreak takes place in Saudi Arabia, you can laugh at all those idiots driving 6 mpg SUVs. However, if the zombies are a bit closer to home, your amazing fuel efficiency is not going to impress them. The zombies will probably flip your electric toy over when you try to crash through a crowd of them. See if you can rig the batteries to electrify the outer shell.
I got a big ol' 4X4 truck/SUV.Overwhelmingly the most popular vehicle choice in the post-zombie holocaust world, and for reasons that should be obvious. Do not abandon the dude whose Prius is stuck in the ditch. Pull it out and ask the owner, and his hot girlfriend, to follow your truck. He is obviously a nincompoop who will not last long; meaning that the hot girlfriend is going to be available quite soon. Do you know how much the girls toss that stuff around once the end of the world is nigh? Get some while the getting is good.
I own an M60 tank.God bless America and her military surplus auctions.

Zombi 2 Bicycling your way out of the zombie apocalypse is not an option. Buy an old 4X4, fix it yourself, and keep it in running condition. If you just cannot bear to leave your bike behind, install a roof rack on the Land Rover.


Written by Andrew Borntreger on 17 June 2008.
Are you ready to fortify the house? Continue reading Do you have a zombie plan (Part 2).

Comments:Write CommentPages: [1] 2 3 ... 5
Re: Article: Do you have a zombie plan? (Pt 1)
Reply #1. Posted on June 17, 2008, 06:30:20 PM by zbranigan
what about the persons disposition, if they are a 'sunny' kind of person they will inevitably open the door to the zombie in police/security uniform........ avoid people who think help is on the way
Re: Article: Do you have a zombie plan? (Pt 1)
Reply #2. Posted on June 17, 2008, 07:49:05 PM by indianasmith
Karma to Andrew for that one!!!

Re: Article: Do you have a zombie plan? (Pt 1)
Reply #3. Posted on June 17, 2008, 08:21:15 PM by ghouck
I will forever live my life by these guidelines.
Re: Article: Do you have a zombie plan? (Pt 1)
Reply #4. Posted on June 17, 2008, 09:20:04 PM by DarkAdmiral
BRAVO!! It is always welcome to see others promoting the awarness of what needs to be done to survive the shambling hordes of the undead.

If anyone is interested I posted my own guide on the forum some months back.
http://www.badmovies.org/forum/index.php/topic,113001.0.html
Re: Article: Do you have a zombie plan? (Pt 1)
Reply #5. Posted on June 17, 2008, 10:14:39 PM by JPickettIII
BRAVO!! It is always welcome to see others promoting the awarness of what needs to be done to survive the shambling hordes of the undead.

If anyone is interested I posted my own guide on the forum some months back.
http://www.badmovies.org/forum/index.php/topic,113001.0.html


I remember this thread.  I loved it.  I am going to add more to it.  I also loved this little bit here too.  Having the movies tied in to was the icing on the cake.

John

P.S.  I am glad to see that the Karma is back! Thumbup TeddyR Cheers
Re: Article: Do you have a zombie plan? (Pt 1)
Reply #6. Posted on June 18, 2008, 12:19:50 AM by AndrewM
If anyone's interested, I made a youtube video on this subject a while back about how we shouldn't take Hollywood's depiction of zombies at face value when making our plans.
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLEmhBG3oJQ" target="_blank" class="aeva_link bbc_link new_win">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLEmhBG3oJQ</a>
Re: Article: Do you have a zombie plan? (Pt 1)
Reply #7. Posted on June 18, 2008, 02:58:58 AM by john hanna
 :buggedout:You may want to reconsider the bicycle as transportation.  According to Max Brooks "The Zombie Survival Guide", a bike is your best tranportation.  Cars eventually run out of gas or break down. They also can't go over rough terrain if roads become impassible.  A bike is quiet, can be carried, is easily maintained, and it keeps you exercised.
Re: Article: Do you have a zombie plan? (Pt 1)
Reply #8. Posted on June 18, 2008, 08:32:31 AM by Trevor
Great article, Andrew: karma , sir.  Thumbup

I'm a scaredy cat sometimes so I would, in addition to the chainsaw, shotgun and car, bring along a mountain of second hand underpants.  TeddyR
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