who can come up with the worst horror movie ever!!!!

[pops_mcfly]

1.A demon escapes from hell and gets trapped in a small bottle of beer. He then turns himself into a  7000 foot monster composed entirely of beer and goes on a demonic human killing rampage!

2. A phsycotic mass murdering Trekkie goes on a killing spree targeting the stars of the various series!

3. A mass murderer kills people with  nail clippers!

4. The most evil sadistic lying demon ever to be coached by Satan comes out of hell and poses as a human who does award winning documentries that are 100 percent B.S. and have no truth to them at all and then he-----oh wait-sorry about that folks, Micheal Moore already does that.

nevermind.

[Fearless Freep]

2. A phsycotic mass murdering Trekkie goes on a killing spree targeting the stars of the various series!

That was a Futurama episode, I think...

[peter johnson]

Yeah, as the South Park episode definitively declared:  Whatever it is, it's already been done on The Simpsons --
But as that is so, who cares?!?!?
A mutant badger invades a girls' boarding school cafeteria & poses as the head cook.  He feeds on pheremones of sorrow.  He forges letters of breakup from various boyfriends to feed off the misery that ensues.  Some of the rejected boyfriends band together & track the badger down.  They release a mutant Dachshund to dispose of the beast, during a lunch hour in the cafeteria.  Nobody notices.
peter johnson/denny crane

[LilCerberus]

A guy who has a sketch comedy show on public access cable gets abducted by North Korean spies. While being questioned at an abandoned warehouse, he is asked about a recent sketch he made. He tells them how he came up with the idea, but they don't believe him.

The NK spies are about to torture him, when a group of American spies raids the warehouse.

The guy is rescued, but not freed. Instead, he's held by authorities, & again questioned about the comedy sketch. It's eventually revealed that the running gag in the guy's sketch is identical to the name of a top secret military project.

I haven't quite got the rest figured out, but there'd be a twist at the end; In a tribute to Monty Python, it's revealed that the guy is really a Brittish spy.

The last scene would involve a group of Brittish men laughing as one of them tries to explain a mathmatic equasion.

[Yaddo 42]

An evil studio head decides to base all of his studio's productions on the long winded intros to AICN stories by Harry Knowles or mediocre J-Horror films. This angers the spirits of the late John Carradine, Ed Wood, and Al Adamson who all all rise up and begin to terrorize the sets of said films. Lots of nudity by out of shape actresses, bad special effects, dialogue worthy of a third grade play, incoherent edits, changes of film stock, and inclusion of stock footage and clips from other films follow. All looks lost until Paul Naschy turns up, turns into a werewolf and saves the day by fighting the ghosts for roughly one minute.

Starring: Paris Hilton, Dan Haggerty, Jan Michael Vincent, Jennifer Tilly, Casper Van Dien, C. Thomas Howell, Maria Ford, Yvonne DeCarlo, Joe Estevez, Brinke Stevens, Michelle Bauer, Dick Miller, and some forgettable, interchangable Italians as ghost fodder. Directed by: Fred Olen Ray, Uwe Boll, and Jess Franco on alternating days. Produced by David Friedman.

[loyal1]

Mary, a good girl with 50's values and dress is a very devout Christian.  She is disgusted by the sins of today's teenagers in her town and high school.  John, an outsider like Mary and has been smitten with Mary since Sunday school together as children.  

She has a vision from Mother Mary to rid of the teenage sinners.  But always gives them a chance to repent for their sins. With help from up above she feels nothing will harm her during her mission.  But the truth is...the only reason she does not get caught is because John cleans up the messes she leaves behind.

That's one of my screenplay ideas...lol.

[RCMerchant]

A guy meets a Jesus freak,smokes pot ,eats a turkey,goes into a coniption fit, turns into a turkey headed monster, kills people and drinks they're blood, chops off a druggie's leg with a table saw, and,threw the power of prayer,is cured. The whole movie is narrated by a chain smoking guy with the same mindless philosophy of the narrator of The BEAST of YUCCA FLATS.Oh yeah...thats been done already. Dam.
HI! I'm BACK! (I can hear the groans of despair from my place in Michigan....)

[ulthar]

Here's an idea for a short that I am tossing around that will be basically just an excuse to shoot some sailing footage as well as play around with some fx and editing software.  I don't claim that is has not borrowed elements from other films.  All shot on video for that jerkey, home movie "realism," and of course low budget.

Scientist discovers that a cure for [insert heinous disease(s)] can be made from a plant extract - but the plant grows in only one place: way upriver in a very, very remote location.  This location is surrounded by local folklore as being 'evil.'

Scientist fights with his colleagues about taking a trip there to harvest some of the plant, and ultimately decides to go alone.  It is a multi-day trip and during that time, his lonliness and other psychological frailties takes hold of his senses.

As he nears the location, we are not sure if he is sane or not; zombies rise out of the water to terrorize him, unspeakable evil surrounds him, and he finds himself in a fight not only for his life, but for his sanity.  Will he sacrifice the one, to save the other?

[Shadowphile]

Interesting.  Sounds almost like a solo version of Anaconda 2

[Just Plain Horse]

That does sound interesting, it sort of reminds me of "Serpent & the Rainbow"... which is incidentally the only thing Wes Craven's ever done that I liked.

[Shadowphile]

D'Oh!  I missed that connection and The Serpent and the Rainbow is part of my movie collection.  Damned good film.

[ulthar]

With you guys saying "sounds interesting," you are making actually want to do this!  

Oh the time, the time.

[Dr. Whom]

Zombie cows terrorise small town in Montana

[Alan Smithee]

A child's doll takes on a life of its and goes on a killer rampage.  TAKEN!!!

[Inyarear]

In the near future, a worldwide totalitarian state features a game show in which the contestants brutally rape people on stage in front of cheering crowds in a stadium. Then the victims are summarily convicted of "unchastity" by a state judge and executed in as sadistic and gory a way as possible. The contestants are awarded points for how utterly sickening the rape is depending on various gross-out factors such as the age, sex, markings, skin consistency and amount of body fat on the victim. They also get bonus points if their rapaciousness kills their victim before the state can do it.

Contestants arbitrarily choose their victims from among the cheering crowds of spectators in a kind of sick parody of The Price Is Right. The crowd's presence is state-enforced and a psychotropic drug that causes numbness to tender feelings and ultra-sensitivity to violent and angry feelings is liberally sprinkled on the crowd to keep people whipped into a frenzy. To keep the crowd from tearing itself apart in an orgy of violence, spectators are all chained to their seats. Even so, a few rare spectators manage to escape and go on violent drug-addled rampages before succumbing to blood loss from self-inflicted wounds. The point of this whole exercise is to keep the people docile and submissive to state control by utterly exhausting all their capacity for rebellious attitudes through the ultimate enforced catharsis of their violent impulses.

Contestants are chosen from prisons for violent sexual offenders, with state judges choosing them on the basis of subjective judgements that they are the very worst offenders of their kind. The contestants are, like the crowd, sprinkled with violence-enhancing and tenderness-suppressing drugs. The winner is (allegedly) pardoned of all crimes and declared a model citizen. The losers are all graphically raped and murdered on the stage the same way their victims are. (The "winner" of course, gets to do the raping.)

The game show ultimately falls apart through a fatal mistake on the totalitarian ruler's part: the safeguards on his box office seat fail due to the corrupt dealings and shoddy work of the contracter who built it, and he is whipped into a frenzy by the same drugs the crowd is getting, going berserk among the spectators. Although the dictator has hideous scars and burn tissue all over his body, wears an eye-patch, and is in all imaginable ways butt-ugly, one of the contestants (more or less the "winner" though no judges survive to judge the outcome) drags him up and brutally rapes him to death on the stage.

With the chain of command in chaos, the contestants and a few escaped audience members go on a massive orgy of sexual violence against the enforcers, overwhelming them. The judges and enforcers all meet the same fate as the dictator, as do any media staff who fail to flee in time. Only when the berserkers finish trashing the infrastructure and ruin the drug dispensing devices does their inescapable blood lust finally die down. Several of them go into shock and die from extreme adrenaline expenditure and blood loss nonetheless, as do many in the audience.

The "winner" meanwhile (formerly convicted of serial sadistic child molestation and murder) sees that one of his victims he thought dead is not completely so. Utterly sickened at his own X-rated carnage, he picks him up and carries him out of the (broken) gates of the stadium in search of a hospital, vanishing into relative obscurity after the victim dies in spite of all his efforts. Society collapses around him into a very strange kind of anarchy with no violence of any kind because everyone has been so thoroughly cowed into submission for so long.

Eventually, a voice-over at the end informs us, society rebuilds itself into something like a representative republic, but only after a lot of people perish from learned helplessness. The new government, learning from the mistakes of the old, bans violent game shows and murderous sports, but otherwise encourages all citizens to take up at least one moderately violent private activity such as hunting, boxing, wrestling, hockey, soccer, the demolition derby circuit, or bar brawling in order to "keep violent urges present at an optimal level to ensure the liberty of the people."

The name of this grisly movie is Deathsex Conflagration. It must necessarily be animated, as the acts involved would be illegal in any live-action film. The animator must be the sleaziest hentai company in Japan, whichever one that may be. Needless to say, the movie should be rated NC-17 for cruelty on a level that will shock all but the lowest of lowlifes among the Japanese.

That's my idea of the worst horror movie ever. Top that.