I actually wanted to like this movie. I knew that many of my fellow evangelical Christians were deeply offended by it,
but at the same time, some of these folks are offended by Barney the Purple Dinosaur - teaches evolution to kids, you
know? So despite all the negative reviews, I decided to give it a chance and judge for myself. This evening my wife and
I sat and watched the whole thing.
Good Lord, what a train wreck!
First of all, from a Biblical point of view, it gets so much wrong that it's not even funny. Noah's sons were all grown men,
and married. The ark was built, not only to save the animals, but to save the decent remnant of humanity. While the Bible
does say that there were "giants in the earth in those days," it never calls them rock giants, nor does it indicate they were
fallen angels who helped redeem themselves by assisting Noah's construction project. No stowaways on the ark either.
And Noah was not a psychotic human extinction advocate who tried to murder his own granddaughters, nor was he a kung
fu master eco-warrior!
But let's pretend I'm not a Christian and never read the Biblical account. How was NOAH as a movie?
Not great. The title character was unsympathetic, the voice of God was never heard once, the subplot with
King Tubal-Cain made little sense, and the timeline was hard to follow. Overall, I was simply NOT impressed.
At all.
Maybe EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS will be better. Christian Bale as Moses? It's worth a shot.
I want to hear his Batman voice say "Let my people go!!"