Crazy Funny Authentic True Not Made Up Really Happened Non-Fiction Stories

[ER]

Back in the '90s my cousin Dana, my only female relative who can effortlessly get the best of me, used to live in a "bungalow" that sat literally a few feet off a busy highway near a college town where cars would fly past all hours of the night and day (we were all convinced one was going to smash through her bungalow) and wrecks weren't uncommon out front.

One day there was an accident, nobody got badly hurt but traffic was tied up for a while, and while it was going on my cousin and four of her friends were sitting in her living room getting high, smoking weed laced with opium from one of her many interesting bongs, and the whole bungalow was wall to wall smoke.

Well she went out front to, I don't know, get her mail, see the tow truck, whatever, and one of the state troopers who was directing traffic said to her, "I hate to ask you this, but when I get this truck moving, can I please use your restroom?"

What could my cousin say but, "Sure, whenever you're ready."

She calmly walked back up to her little bungalow and shut the door, then frantically hid the bong, got her friends moving, grabbing cushions and waving them around, starting every fan she had, opening the back windows, spraying a whole can of air freshener, lighting candles, incense, even burning butter and sugar in a skillet.

A few minutes later the state trooper knocked on her door, she let him in, he walked back to the bathroom, peed, washed his hands, came out, thanked her, proceeded to the door, and at the last second stopped and without turning around said, "Interesting air freshener you got here...."

She said he surely knew but....

Annnieway, that's a weird true, real not made up, etc. story.

[ER]

Last night we had a little fire and a co-worker of mine said he was in a supermarket one time and he passed this woman who was handing out samples of tiny cubes of cheese, and she asked if he'd like one, so he said sure, thanks. She took tongs and put a little cube of yellow cheese on a paper napkin and handed it to him. He said it was good cheese, like some kind of Colby, maybe, and he forgot about it and finished shopping, but when he got to the registers, he saw a police car out front and the sample woman was being walked out of the store. Turns out the management had no idea who the woman giving out cheese was, she wasn't from any company and wasn't authorized to give out samples, she apparently just walked into the store and was standing by the dairy case with a package of cheese cubes on a paper plate and a stack of paper napkins, offering it free to passers-by.

[chefzombie]

i don't believe you. 

[ER]

Once upon a time I saw janitors at a middle school where I'd practice my tennis serves after hours throwing away a bunch of books, so I went dumpster diving and retrieved them and most of them were workbooks and dated phonics type texts, a few were special print Nat Geo features about wildlife and I kept them, but when I flipped through one vocabulary book I found a letter some girl named Lisa had written seven years earlier and it was to a boy named Kurt. This Lisa poured out her seventh-grade heart and as I read farther into the letter her cursive became shakier as her emotions grew, and all I could think was how in trying to draw this boy to her this poor kid was flipping every switch to push him away. "I only want to hold onto you and not have to let you go... I want you to let me be everything you want and don't understand your problem with that..." I felt bad for her, whoever she was, but it also occurred to me that this time in her life that seemed so all-important then was over and done and gone.

That's how life is.

[ER]

As I was leaving on the day I went for my driver's license test, my next door neighbor pointed to the sky where the contrails of two jets had formed what she said was a cross. "For good luck."

I was too polite to contradict her, but I thought that's not a cross, that's a plus sign, meaning I'm going to do extra well. 

[Alex]

Today I was down the firing range and managed a 14mm grouping at 300 meters.

[ER]

Today I was down the firing range and managed a 14mm grouping at 300 meters.

Well done.

[chefzombie]

today i watched my 20 something next door neighbor laying in the snow in our yard making a snow angel. the crazy part is that he was wearing pajama bottoms, that's it. at least he's smiling again!

[indianasmith]

On the RARE occasion that we get snow down here in NE Texas, I always make it a point to run outside and do at least one lap around the house barefoot, usually yelling "Woop!  Woop!  Woop!" the whole time.


The best things in life are silly.

[chefzombie]

it's nice to see him being a goofy youngun again, he kinda nutted out on us when his GF dumped him. he's a nice boy, terrible musician, but a nice boy,mostly.

[Trevor]

On the RARE occasion that we get snow down here in NE Texas, I always make it a point to run outside and do at least one lap around the house barefoot, usually yelling "Woop!  Woop!  Woop!" the whole time.
The best things in life are silly.

Agreed. 

[ER]

My maternal grandfather used to tell this story....

When he was a young man he went into confession one Saturday morning and told the priest things on his mind and concluded with, "...and on my job as an usher at the movie house, two British sailors came in, and even though there were other seats open, I sat them behind a very large woman, so they couldn't see the screen that well."

And my grandfather said the priest chuckled and replied, "So are you here to confess your sins or brag about your good deeds?"